"The Temple" 06.03.2013

Fucked. This life and I are fucked. Takes me all day tog et from schizo to normal. Then I fall asleep and start the process all over again from scratch. And it gets harder and harder each day.

And the pain. The motherloving fucking pain is so bad. I've attempted to get help from prison doctors but they keep saying I'm manipulating them.

But there is no way in hell they cannot look into my face and not see the horror.

I sit here all day clutching my pain close to me like a broken piece of china. Hoping, just hoping with all my might, it doesn't get any worse. I can't take any worse. But it constantly gets worse. And I seem to take it.

I wish this was in my head. Craziness. Because then is life crazy.

But it's pure physical. And I'm dying. Not just me. And my girlfriend. Yes girlfriend (in my eyes she is) were arguing about oppression. Not arguing, but conversing. Arguing is saved for when I propose and she sulks.

But she though I'd understand her. Being a woman and all. And I a prisoner. But oppressed keenly. They was going to take me to get my appendix out. They looked up my charged and housing... and I'm going to die because of this. This isn't a joke.

Charlotte said:" I always, through my whole life, liked to penetrate the real truth; I like seeking the Goddess in her temple, and handling the veil, and daring the dread glance. O Titaness amongst deities! The covered outline of thine aspect sickens often through us one lineament, clear in awful sincerity. We may gasp in untold terror, but with that gasp we drink in a breath of thy divinity; our heart shakes, and its currents sway like rivers lifted by earthquake, but we have swallowed strength. To see and know the worst is to take from fear her main advantage." - I should be indestructable now, then?...