Don't remember when

Going through my paperwork today I ran across a song. A song by the Wallflowers (one headlight) copied by hand by a female. I'd forgotten she sent it. I'd forgotten, just for a tiem, all she has sent these past years.

Twelve page handwritten letters twice a week, pictures, poems, horoscopes, love, love, love bombarded on me. For what? Why me?

My life was at an end. I'd succumbed. I'd given up. And now I get out in twenty days.

I'll be able to blog by myself, hug people, climb hills. But I don't know... I'm a bit sick. Something may be wrong with my guts, not sick in the head, there is that too. I'm sick, I'm "human" :) As another dear female friend says. But my mind is still focused on...

See, I say to myself: "now I can die free. Because death is coming. Something's ? inside me..."

Live and let live. Live and let die. I think I just feel the human condition very intensely. The need to talk. The need to sweat. The need to laugh and drink water. When I sit here like this not knowing what to say, but knowing something needs to be said to figure out what's going on inside me...

I don't want to die. But life is tragic. Some could say tragedy has targeted me thus far, but I seem to feel I've been protected from it, here, in prison.

If I die in a car wreck on the way home or accidentally drown in a clear mountain lake because of a leg cramp. It isn't going to matter.

If I live to be ninety-seven, raise hundreds of offspring, humanise communism, see world peace and ? world meeting people from another world. If I do all that, it isn't going to matter either. It won't.

Our earth could explode right now. Doesn't matter. iI have tear ducts and seminal ducts. I have arms, legs and a brain. I'm going to use them. I'm going to witness this amazing epoch in my species history with huge eyes and trembling hands.

I'm going to live until I die as a free man. With starts that shine just for me, flowers that smell just for those nostrils, rain that falls for my lips. One in seven billion, that is me. He is I. And that's all there is. That knowledge. I'm not an American, I'm an earthling.

We can drive it home with one headlight or live happy in a wheelchair, blind, deaf, sick, starving and still smile.