*DING DING*
07-04-2013

Whats the meaning of life? Is it to sweat, ejaculate, smile or cry? I don't think its for any of that if you do it alone. Life is the dance of life with other life.

I'm beside myself here. I've got a week left of life beside life thats forgotten how to live. Life thats had its life stolen. I lose mine and find it periodically. Soon it will be lost totally. So I can't come back to this fucking place everyone.

Will the world help me? Can the world help me?

I'm sitting on my cell desk looking out the window. A fireworks display will occur in a few hours. I've sat the last ten years in these cells, nose pressed against plexi-glass watching bits and pieces of fireworks. [One can only see a quarter of them what with the windows never facing dead-on center].

The cells are circled around all directions. I've brushed my teeth so much they are bleeding. Sparrows swoop and circle the grass outside. I'm coming off a real hairy coffee binge. Weaning myself from that sweaty-browed liquid.

Too much, I do too much. I live everything too much. Time to slow it down.

My mind is like this harddrive of all the stuff I've written these past years. Bits and snatches play across my consciousness like one of those billboards made of many light bulbs.

I can't believe I will be on that freeway in a week.

The meaning of life is different for all life. I've tried to make things stand still many times. Things will not stand still. Thats the one truth I can pass along. If you hold life still it'll kill you.

The moment I get everything I ever dreamed about is the moment I'll dream of other things. People go alone into the wilderness all the time. Searching. Pick up and leave, pick up and leave, pick up and leave. Finding, discarding, finding, discarding.

If meanness and greed become life and the hurting of other life is your life and you walk around in a goofey suit thinking you are Arnold Schwarzenegger. And the only thing that makes you laugh is anothers pain and you hold close your enemies and push away your friends. And you cry because you didn't get something, not because someone else lost something.

If you are watching the fireworks with me tonight I hope you are not criticizing the display over much without acknowledging the life pumping through your veins. I hope you are thinking about tomorrow or yesterday.

I hope if you are cruel and greedy you become so cruel and greedy that you one day see it and upon the seeing, it breaks you, and FOR the crumbs I give you this ember of my life in hopes you can bake a pretty cake.