June 2, 2014

Hey y'all! I know I haven't posted in a while, but I needed some time to think and reflect on myself and where I was/am heading. Before I go any further, I hope that everyone who has followed me for this long reaches all of their dreams and achieves all of their aspirations. Just as I want for myself, I hope that all of you bathe in the afterglow of success.

Now, with that being said, I post this missive today form a two-fold disposition. On one hand, I am very thankful that my circumstances aren't as bad as some. And on the other, I'm very disappointed that I ("I" being the keyword) allowed myself the luxury of a negative thought. I took my eye off the ball for one second and it nearly overshadowed the positive work I've been working so hard to attain.

Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. Though, on a small scale of mess-ups, this would be at the very bottom. I am taking it very seriously nonetheless. If I can't share both my highs and lows with you, then what am I writing for?

Anywho, I was fired from my institution job for a lapse in judgment. Though I do not work in the kitchen, I had some cayenne pepper inside of my cell during a routine cell search. Which is a minor infraction but was blown out of proportion. And though I felt like I was targeted by a specific officer who had a vendetta against me, it still was all my fault because I shouldn't have had it in the first place. And I make no excuses for it.

What gets me the most is that I may have jeopardized my chances of going to a medium security prison. At least for another year. One where I'd be closer to my family for visits, taking some of the pressure off of them gas-wise. It would also give me access to better educational programs. Also, I would have more freedom and would not have to be cooped up in this cell as often as I am now.

See, I put all of that to risk. And for what? Some seasoning. Get real!

Even so, I'm trying to stay positive about it because I know there are far worse situations people are dealing with out there, from homelessness to death in the family, to disease, etc. I still try to keep my victims in the forefront of my mind. Because when all is said and done, they are all that matters. Not a job or friends, hell, not even my own freedom. But the knowing that I caused another human being the kind of heartache that I did is the reason I have gone all of these years without any infractions. I am trying to make sure that I never hurt another person or cause another family to have to deal with the trauma that comes with crime.

Well, this is one of those days where deep reflection can be painful yet therapeutic. It's much needed, which many men are rarely afforded the opportunity because of the fast-paced life we live. I can only look at this situation as being a warning from God. Maybe this was his way of letting me know that I was maybe heading off of the path of righteousness. Because it starts with a thought, then the small things you start not to sweat. Which eventually leads to bigger things. Then before you know it, you're again that seventeen-year-old punk who didn't care.

I've worked too hard to go back there. This is a minor setback for a major comeback, and I hope you're still here to see it. Take care of yourselves. And be on the lookout for a myriad of posts; they'll be coming soon.

Peace and love!
You're a day in the life with me,
Michael McThune