Mending Broken Fences

This is a subject we all face where many inmates lose contact with family over the years, where you almost seem like strangers. You don't know how to act, you don't know what to say, there is a burning desire to know more than you could possibly digest in one day. Familiarity [family?] is based on knowing one's feelings just by expression and when you don't know their expressions they seem alien to you. The toughest dilemma for us to get past is our feelings because that is what drives our thinking, thus leading to our behaviors.

It's a dilemma I'm faced with - learning to be patient and knowing life is still moving out there! We want instant gratification.

Reuniting is a process that I am trying to learn and it is done step by step. So adapting isn't easy.

One of the things about reuniting is accepting the fact that we the inmates have a lot to make amends for - mending fences. Myself not being in my little brother's life as he grew up - as bad as I feel about this I cannot change it and I cannot expect to pop up in his life and expect everything to be the same or like nothing was ever amiss.

I want the families to know you aren't the only ones struggling with so many feelings. It's identifying them and processing and asking yourself, "should I be feeling this way?" It isn't easy for us either. We already feel like failures in your lives and it is a constant want to change the image you have. It feel like nothing we do or say can change it. And you hold on to the last image you had of us and vice-versa. It's a little easier for me than others. My last image wasn't bad but for those that were that is all the family can "see." it is the process of both parties to see past our flaws and work together toward one common goal. Mine is to reunite with family but if a lot of them don't have this goal, I can't force it upon them - another dilemma is fear! Fear we will try to use you as someone has in your past. Please don't let fear block you and your loved ones' opportunity. Just be on guard and expect it in "addiction." I've heard it a lot! Oh, all he's going to do is steal the roof over your head - don't shut him out, just don't give him the opportunity! (LOL)

It's that fear that blocks out a lot of feelings that are good, that we don't get to feel that [?] relationship with one another.

I know we can't expect to jump back into your lives and everything be okie-dokie. All I'm getting at is we know it is hard on you and it is just as hard on us too.

I've heard from my brothers after years of searching and with the help of someone special to me. It blew my mind to finally hear from them because I've wanted them in my life for so long. Now it's a letter by letter journey toward getting to know each other. I'm happy to know someone wants me in their lives and it's my responsibility to build everything it takes to be "family." it's frustrating from in here - the mail man doesn't come fast enough :) I've written this because it's something we all face and often goes untalked about. Life isn't easy and we need ice breakers to get through part of it. And that is simply talking about it, bringing up whatever it may have been (wronged), per se your loved one has stolen from you - oh, and you aren't alone! Simply ask if you could just talk about it so you may get past this stumbling block. let them know you [?], this which a lot do. This may be hard for some of you but it's a necessary step towards nurturing your relationship with your loved ones.

By no means am I [?] with all this. I'm just observant :) I hope something I might have said helps.

Much Respect