Mr. Edwin J. Hutchinson
AKA: Zakee Abdul Hakim
CDCR No. P-68859 / Housing Unit: 1-N-34L (NEW)
CSP-SQ
1 Main Street
San Quentin, CA 94974

January 4, 2016

Topic: Trepidation Towards Success

Hello, world.

Happy new year! May the peace and blessings of Allah be upon you, and I hope 2016 will find you healthy, fortunate, and successful in all your endeavors.

As I enter into this new year, I reflected on how I used to suffer from chronic feelings of guilt, shame, and inferiority. It would show up in my life in my relationships and employments in various ways, like me rarely keeping my word to myself and/or others, not completing tasks I've committed to fulfilling or, if I did, I did them late, etc. My belief about life at that time was, "No matter what I do or how hard I try, I can never win."

In reality, I was afraid to succeed.

However, I have learned through much introspection and my spiritual reawakening that I am capable of generating my own success. What I've come to understand, dear readers, is that many people are not successful because they are fearful of success. With success comes accountability and obligations, and there are people who feel that they can't live up to those responsibilities so they become afraid to succeed. I know because I was one of those individuals. It had nothing to do with my capacity and/or intellect. I understand now that the underlying root cause of my fear to succeed formed very deep in my subconscious mind and began in my early childhood development.

Consequently, I've learned that most people never awaken their full potential because they are afraid of responsibility that might be ahead of them if they advanced to a higher level of performance or expectations. They want to feel secure and create a safe cocoon around themselves. I see this phenomenon every day in the men I'm incarcerated with. They have ceased to grow. They have been labeled as institutionalized.

About a decade ago, I realized that if I wanted to grow, develop into a "real man", and if I wanted more out of life, I had to expect and accept more responsibilities. In learning to handle my increased responsibilities (i.e. work assignments, college enrollment, mentoring/facilitating groups) it caused a lot of stress. But I grew from it. Out of this kind of stress, strain, and pressure came a whole new growth process and ability to harness the support that was available to me.

I now understand and have the capacity to manage time frames and deadlines. I use much better communication strategies to express what is happening with more cohesion and clarity. So when I have courage to meet new challenges, I know that I am on the "straight path" to a more successful life. I possess extraordinary gifts and real talents that are unique to me, and that the world has never seen before. What about you?

Feel free to leave comments or contact me via my above return mailing address. Until next time, take care, be safe, stay strong.

Peace,
Zakee