July 2, 2016

In The Life Of A Connecticut Prisoner Vol. 3 No. 3

From Exposing Corruption In Connecticut State Government by Richard Stevenson

Transcription

CONTRACT NO. 11PSX00154
EXHIBIT B, Price Schedule B-3
MUSIC CATEGORY, APRIL 2013
PAGE 702 OF 707

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IN THE LIFE OF A CONNECTICUT PRISONER Vol. 3 No. 3
By Richard Stevenson

GREETINGS, FREE WORLD! Below you will find an essay that was published on my behalf. I'm proud to share it with you all.

HOW HAS THE PRISON CELL AFFECTED ME?
One my understand that it is not just the cell that affects you. It's the fact that I must live in such tight quarters with another man. I've been doing this for 23 years now. I HATE the smell of another man but have a whole new level of respect for the women who put up with us.

Living like this has made me hate even being accidentally touched by a man. I cringe at the thought of it. Their odor makes me think of those who have taken advantage of my kindness and stolen from me, not realizing that I'm struggling with the urge to throw them off the top tier. The officers who scheme to keep me locked in the cell just so they can nap or kick the Will bo-bo has made me hate not only them, but all law enforcement personnel whom I deem even remotely oppressive.

My living conditions has made me less tolerant of any man who irritates me. Though I continue to have human feelings, I have much less empathy for men I see as oppressive toward others. I'm less tolerant towards those who insist on invading my space/time. It's draining to be around others for more than a couple of hours. I need to talk and think alone. In fact, I crave it. Unlike most other prisoners, I prefer the top bunk. That's my space and my space alone.

Various odors play a much larger role in determining my moods. If you need to pass gas you go the toilet and flush it down out of respect for your celly. I currently have a lazy celly who is of the mindset that if [he] can't smell his own gas, there there is no way I can smell it. WRONG, DUMBASS! So I fight the urge to flip his wig inside-out on a daily basis.

Eventually, I had to come to realize that the longer I fought those negative urges, the more likely I would become successful at making right decisions. But, damn, it's hard because I have to keep making these decisions hundreds of times per day.

Living this way has made me sensitive to loud noises and bright lights. Both give me headaches. Come to think of it, my celly's stink does the same.

I've become claustrophobic though I'm not sure exactly when it began. I've also become somewhat of a germophobe. Asthma has been with me most of my life, but I had developed Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease sometime between 2001 & 2006. After a bout of untreated pneumonia (remember where I am), I became extremely aware of what and how I touch things and people. For example, I never grab a hand railing. When I need to use the sink in the cell, I push the buttons with the knuckle closes to my wrist. The floor gets cleaned every single day. I wash my hands every time I lock in. I wash the ceiling and walls about every ten days or so. I ensure that my celly understands to leave the toilet and sink for me the same way I left it for him. I'm quick to give a nasty, disagreeable celly the boot.

A hot shower is now unbelievably enjoyable. My lungs relax and open, making it easy for me to clear the mucus out and breathe comfortably. The chronic pain in my back melts away in minutes. I have remained in the shower 45 minutes believing that only 15 minutes had passed by.

The smell of a female nurse and her perfume is like a brief vacation despite the asthma attack it may cause. As opposed to a man, a woman's accidental touch is akin to that of a baby. Her skin feels as though it's on the verge of melting. With her scent comes only one word to mind—FREEDOM. Listening to a pleasant woman's voice feels like a gentle massage on my brain. As such, I tend to veg out to female vocal artists and get quite angry when I'm disturbed. I've had to tell my celly not to bring me back to this cell with unnecessary conversation when I'm listening to my music. Sometimes I would be like this for days at a time.

Spending so much time in a cell makes it necessary to learn to forget. Ask a prisoner what he age for dinner 2 days ago and watch how far his eyes has to search for the answer. Most days I couldn't tell you what the date is. My birthday would come and go before I'd remember it.

Being locked in a cell is psychologically painful. It is necessary to have or create deep and long-lasting distractions for some sort of relief. For me, this would be a strict yet changeable schedule. For example, I go to work. When I get back, I'll have a snack and tea, then read for 2 hours. I'll then listen to NPR radio news and read till 5PM. I'll play a video game until 6:30 then watch the Evening News. I'll then go back and do any of the other thing I mentioned above until 8PM and watch more TV.

Being locked in this cell is hell. What you've just read only scratches the surface.

There is much that I have to do in order to hold on to my sanity. This includes writing you.

Rich.

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Replies (17) Replies feed

Jamie Posted 8 years, 4 months ago. ✓ Mailed 8 years, 4 months ago   Favorite
Hello Richard,
I can't even imagine what it's like to be with another person 24/7. I'm female, but male and female would probably annoy me the same.
Like you - I need my alone time. I think everyone does.
Prison in America sounds so bad in general. I'm from Switzerland and when I look at some prisons in other countries I can't believe what I'm seeing.
What a great country America is... Yeah right.
Here, inmates are at least still seen as humans.
The only thing that is just plain stupid is that sometimes drugdealers get more time than killers or rapists. Hello? Stupiiiiid.
Mind if I ask why you are in prison?

Greetings,
Jamie

Richard Stevenson Posted 8 years, 3 months ago.   Favorite
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Jamie Posted 8 years, 3 months ago. ✓ Mailed 8 years, 3 months ago   Favorite
Hello Rich,
To be honest, I think drugs shouldn't even really be considered a crime. Except when you take them and someone else is suffering because of them. Like if you have children and neglect them because you're too busy taking drugs. As long as it just damages yourself... Well, your decision.
Mhh alright I understand. I mean I don't know if you're really innocent, you could just say that idk, but I guess I'll just believe you.
I don't really know what to ask you to be honest. Mostly because of the innocent.
I guess I'll just ask how you got aware of this site? beetweenthebars.org, I mean.

Byebye :)
Jamie

Richard Stevenson Posted 8 years, 2 months ago.   Favorite
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Julia Posted 8 years, 2 months ago. ✓ Mailed 8 years, 2 months ago   Favorite
"14 Years After Decriminalizing All Drugs, Here's What Portugal Looks Like
In 2001, the Portuguese government did something that the United States would find entirely alien. After many years of waging a fierce war on drugs, it decided to flip its strategy entirely: It decriminalized them all.

If someone is found in the possession of less than a 10-day supply of anything from marijuana to heroin, he or she is sent to a three-person Commission for the Dissuasion of Drug Addiction, typically made up of a lawyer, a doctor and a social worker. The commission recommends treatment or a minor fine; otherwise, the person is sent off without any penalty. A vast majority of the time, there is no penalty.

Fourteen years after decriminalization, Portugal has not been run into the ground by a nation of drug addicts. In fact, by many measures, it's doing far better than it was before. (...)
By 1999, nearly 1% of the population was addicted to heroin, and drug-related AIDS deaths in the country were the highest in the European Union, according to the New Yorker.

But by 2001, the country decided to decriminalize possession and use of drugs, and the results have been remarkable.
Drug use has declined overall among the 15- to 24-year-old population, those most at risk of initiating drug use, according to Transform.

There has also been a decline in the percentage of the population who have ever used a drug and then continue to do so. Drug-induced deaths have decreased steeply.
HIV infection rates among injecting drug users have been reduced at a steady pace, and has become a more manageable problem in the context of other countries with high rates. And a widely cited study published in 2010 in the British Journal of Criminology found that after decriminalization, Portugal saw a decrease in imprisonment on drug-related charges alongside a surge in visits to health clinics that deal with addiction and disease.

Not a cure but certainly not a disaster: Many advocates for decriminalizing or legalizing illicit drugs around the world have gloried in Portugal's success. They point to its effectiveness as an unambiguous sign that decriminalization works."

Jamie Posted 8 years, 2 months ago. ✓ Mailed 8 years, 2 months ago   Favorite
Hey!
Yeah, a lot of things would have to change, but like you said - that'd actually be really good, haha.
I watched a documentary a while ago, called "The House I live in". It's about the 'drugwar' in America. And it really shows how its all about money - find drugdealers and people who take them and lock them up - even make money from it. That's so fucked up.
And I guess I understand why people wouldn't want to legalize I don't know... Heroin, Meth. That stuff. But Cannabis for example? Its definitly not worse than tobacco and alcohol - and those are legal lol.
I found a comment that someone wrote on youtube, gonna copy it:
Reasons why I believe all drugs should be legalized:
"1) Freedom of choice, every person should be able to choose what they put into their bodies.
2) Danger with even the most dangerous of drugs typically has more to do with purity and dosages which can be better controlled in regulated markets.
3) Non-commercial markets encourage the lack of reporting help to underfund gun violence, burglaries, gang activity, and violent crime.
4) Illegality creates and encourages a public perception about drug users that never before existed. They lose jobs and are publicly ostracized for something humans have done for thousands of years. They are often cherry picked vices looked at unfairly and not given chances.
5) The study of these drugs and their affects will change. Our understanding of psychology will change as we gain new technologies to better see their affects. Illegality creates barriers to research.
6) They can make you feel good. This is an underrated interpersonal psychology issue.
7) Young people should be educated about how to control and moderate the joy happiness they feel in their lives instead they are taught to just say no, which in some cases can be a downright impossibility. This is similar to the sex education arguments which say to educate and teach birth control over abstinence only. It may be necessary to explain to people when they should focus more on saving money than spending it. Developing better value practices is a part of growing up and substance users face unrelenting charges of skewed values that cigarette smokers, alcohol drinkers, and even other much more expensive risky pastimes can be associated with.
8) There is historical culture of substance use which is traced back to most ancient civilization that will be extinct unless properly preserved. This is a historical issue.
9) Drug illegality is the primary leverage against minorities and nonwhite communities, also, more general speaking communities of poverty and lower middle class. These sub-groups are unfairly targeted and ostracized for the habits of a larger socioeconomic class."

Going to continue in another comment, ran out of space :)

Jamie Posted 8 years, 2 months ago. ✓ Mailed 8 years, 2 months ago   Favorite
So, here we go!
"10) Recovery and Treatment options for substance users and abusers are currently, for the most part reserved for individuals with the resources and support structure that is not availible to many poor and underpriveledged neighborhoods and people. Reasearch has shown that these 'harm reduction" based appraches are cheaper on a state and easier/better for a populace than more putative approaches like jail. Drug user should have opportunity for employment and standard of living same as anyone else."

I highly agree with most of those points.

Well, enough of that. I'll just believe you that you're innocent, I mean, I can't prove anything else anyways. :P So! I hope justice will be done.
Mind if I ask about your family? How do they deal with the fact that you're locked up?

Be well,
Jamie

Heatherlove Posted 8 years, 2 months ago. ✓ Mailed 8 years, 2 months ago   Favorite
You know I know my childs father went to jail last year in May and reading all I have read on here always makes me wonder if he is okay. He got arrested right when I was pregnant so our daughter won't get to meet her father for 4 years because I moved out of state cuz I didn't want to deal with all the craziness because what he did was very public. If you have children do you still talk to them? If you don't mind me asking

Have a wonderful day Rich.
Heather

Richard Stevenson Posted 8 years ago.   Favorite
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Heatherlove Posted 7 years, 11 months ago. ✓ Mailed 7 years, 11 months ago   Favorite
Yeah. He did do somethings I am sure he ain't proud of. Our daughter is about to be a year old and I honestly don't I will ever be able to tell her where he is. Neither of us have went to see him cuz I don't want to bring a baby to a prison. He also is in Connecticut. Did your children Always know you were in jail. The father of my child only got 4 years and he got arrested May 13 2015 so I am hope that I never have to tell her where he is right now. He went from serving our country to serving time. I honestly just can't see him like that. And I hope some day he will understand. Not only me but for our daughter. I don't really want to bring her to prison. I know he has a son to and I know the woman don't even let him see his son but I aint trying to keep her away from him just don't want her to see her father like that. Around this time of year is hard tho I will always have love for him cz we did have a baby together. I wish you the best. And I hope your sentence isn't that bad. I know jail ain't great but your making the best out of it. Thank you for getting back to me Rich.
Heather

Julia Posted 7 years, 11 months ago. ✓ Mailed 7 years, 11 months ago   Favorite
Richard,
thank you for your response. Good luck with your investigations. On account of Portugal, I have this out of an interview with Johan Hari, the author of the book "chasing the scream". I give you the summary of the book on its website:

About the Book

It is now 100 years since drugs were first banned in the United States. On the eve of this centenary, journalist Johann Hari set off on an epic three-year, thirty-thousand-mile journey into the war on drugs. What he found is that more and more people all over the world are beginning to recognize three startling truths: Drugs are not what we think they are. Addiction is not what we think it is. And the drug war has very different motives to the ones we have seen on our TV screens for so long.

In his New York Times best-selling book Chasing the Scream, Hari reveals his discoveries entirely through the stories of people across the world whose lives have been transformed by this war. They range from a transsexual crack dealer in Brooklyn searching for her mother, to a teenage hit-man in Mexico searching for a way out. It begins with Hari’s discovery that at the birth of the drug war, Billie Holiday was stalked and killed by the man who launched this crusade – while it ends with the story of a brave doctor who has led his country to decriminalize every drug, from cannabis to crack, with remarkable results.

Chasing the Scream lays bare what we really have been chasing in our century of drug war – in our hunger for drugs, and in our attempt to destroy them. This book will challenge and change how you think about one of the most controversial – and consequential – questions of our time.

Have a good day,
Greetings
Julia

Ajj13 Posted 7 years, 11 months ago. ✓ Mailed 7 years, 10 months ago   Favorite
Hello Richard. I have read some of your blog posts and they are very interesting. I like seeing these different perspective you have on life. My name is Alyssa and I am asking a few people on the betweenthebars.org some questions for my own research and was wondering if you would answer them if you felt like it. What are ways that some men deal with missing women in prison? Do you think men change not being around women? If so in what ways? How do you think this affects them when they are released? Do you think men become more reserved or dont know how to deal with a womens "touch" when released? ;) I just want to hear your input on this out of curiosity. Speak your mind. I would love to maybe see a blog post about this too. Thank you. Hope to hear back :)

Richard Stevenson Posted 7 years, 10 months ago.   Favorite
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