Where is Buffy [redacted]?
11/12/16
7:00am
Listening to Mama Said by The Shirelles (love this oldies)

Good morning. After a sleepless night, I sit here waiting for breakfast. I have $4 phone time so I want to try to call my mom today. I'ts about a buck a call so I can call her and my daughter today.

I put the name Buffy Bishop on the top of this because if you are reading this, you signed up to email me, but then I haven't heard from you yet. Curious as to why. I'm looking for a friend, someone to talk to. This isn't an easy life. There are days when I want nothing more but to end my own life. If I had any guts, I would have done it by now. But after 18 1/2 years in here, I am starting to break down. I don't know how some of these guys do it. Some have been here for 40+ years. I would rather die today than be here when I'm 50.

Keep hope alive, staying strong in here. It's definitely not as easy as it sounds. Without the love and support from family and friends, it's tough.

My best friend AJ just had a baby, his first child. I am sending him and his wife Tara a card. Baby Isabella. His first child, her third. AJ did 16 years in here. He is a home owner now. Wife, family, new baby, home, bill, everyday things that normal people face in life. It'd be wrong of me to dump my problems on him. So when you really have no one to talk to, it's hard.

How do I save my daughter? How do I help her? I don't know, but I desperately want to. To me asking someone to take her in is not a big deal, but to others, it is. Like why wouldn't one of my sisters take her in? Sure, they have their own kids, but she is 19, can work, help with bills, free baby-sitter. And in turn they can teach her to drive, how to be responsible, how to be an adult woman. My daughter's parents failed her. I'll call her as often as I can afford to and hopefully help my little girl. I don't care how old she gets. She will always be my little girl. I see her as the 7 year old that she was when we first met.

I'm looking for a life, for love, for happiness, for forgiveness, but they continue to evade me. Maybe someday. Right now, I focus on my mom and my child.

Update: 8am: I called my mom. No answer. She sleeps like 15-20 hours a day, so I called my daughter. She is adamant about not leaving Ohio. She doesn't curse and I know she does around others, but I love that she doesn't around me. She's a good girl. She just needs help, motivation, support, and love from her family. She said she doesn't want to leave Ohio because she has family there, but she doesn't think of all the family she has that doesn't know her yet (my side).

Well, I guess that's all for today. If you are reading this Buffy Bishop, I'd like to hear from you. Send me an email, a letter, your choice. L did send you an email. In order to get the emails, you don't get a notice on your phone. If you don't check the website, you'll never know. Take care, Buffy.

Any ideas on how to help my child? I'm listening. I need to learn. I won't abandon her. I feel abandoned, I won't cause her that pain. She had bad parents, she never had a chance. I have to help her get the chance in life that she deserves.

I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving. Be with the ones you love most. God bless. Ciao.