LETTER TO LADY K #2

April 13th, 2017

Dear Lady K,

I hope and pray that this letter has found you and your loved ones in the best of life, health and spirit. I am doing alright at this time. I just thought I would write and tell you what's on my mind right now. I hope you have the time to read this letter when you get a chance.

As you know, I look out my cell window a lot, looking at everyone coming in and leaving. From my window, I can see the horse pastures, Collfield unit, as well as the parking lot for Michael Unit. with my imagination, just watching all of these is an escape for me.

I was raised around horses, as I think I already mentioned to you before, so watching the horses' horseplay (pun intended ;-0) is one of my favorite daily activities. My mom's love of horses knew no bounds. I can't count the times she was bucked off and had to go to the hospital. Yet as soon as she was bucked off, went to the hospital and came home, to the stables she went and would get right back on Suger, her horse. What amazed me, and others, about her doing this, is almost every time she was bucked off, it was on either black top roads, or a parking lot.

When I look out at the horses, I reminisce about all the times I would ride with my mom or Aunt Karen in parades or down to Discovery Park, or even just out on the levy behind our house. When I think about those times, I realize how happy and alive I was then. I always looked forward to brushing the horses out afterward, or braiding their manes or tails for the parades. As I remember all these times though, what strikes me most Lady K, is how happy and alive my mom always was when she was horseback riding. It was like she was a completely different person, someone who could laugh, smile and relax. That's when she was most lovable to everyone.

I think those are the times I miss the most with my mom. I would give just about anything to go back to those days (with the knowledge of what I know now of course) and cherish those moments more now than I did then.

You told me that you don't tell a lot of people about losing your mom Lady K, and I don't blame you. Yet that is something you and I have in common. Not only that, but we both lost our moms when we were around the same age. You already know what I did and went through when I lost mine, But how did you cope with your loss? How did you react? Did it drive you harder to succeed for her? How did you feel deep inside? Remember Lady K, I'm asking this because I went through the same heartbreak and loss.

Then there's the cars I look st out the window. I've always been a Dodge man myself. Chargers, Challengers, Dusters and Rams and Vipers, too. Oh, I've had and liked other sport cars and trucks, but my first choice is Dodge. Do you remember when I told you that I pictured you as the type of girl who'd have some type of flashy sports car? You told me that you're not into cars like that, just as long as they can get you from point A to point B. And then you go and buy some type of a 'box-type' of Jeep or something...;-)

Anyways, I like looking out the window at all the cars and trucks in the parking lot. There are so many new designs and remakes, I don't even know what they are. But it's fun to try to guess who belongs to which vehicles. I'm always trying to match them together. Sometimes I'm right, and sometimes I'm way off.

And then there's the people. Next to the horses, this is my favorite activity, because before I became anti-social, I enjoyed people watching, just to figure people out by their expressions, or the way they walked or talked and moved. It was always like a puzzle for me. I just started doing this again when my shell was destroyed. Do you remember when we were talking, and I told you a story about watching someone when they left and I told you exactly what they did? Do you remember telling me that I paid attention to detail but that was just me being me? And you're right, especially when it's someone I respect and admire so much!

Anyways, I watch a lot of people from here, leave every day.. I do have my favorites though, that I pay more attention to than others, but as you said, that's just me.

Here is a few examples of my impressions of a couple of people I pay attention too:

First is Mrs. Weatherby: The way she walks and dresses, makes me think of Royalty. She just strolls and it seems like she's just enjoying herself, nothing is bothering her and she's one

owns the world. She dresses very professionally (except on casual Fridays) and she's very comfortable with herself. When I see her leaving, another impression that crosses my mind, is a Mafia figure. I just think it's her confidence that makes me think that.

Then there's Ms. Wenzel...She's extremely confident when she walks. She has the walk of a super model on the runway, which draws every eye to her. She dresses very professionally too, even if her clothes fit tight, it doesn't take away from her image. She's very expressive when she talks. I swear, it doesn't matter what she's talking about, her hands or head or some part of her body is always in motion!!! If she's not in motion, then you know something is wrong, because she talks with her body language more than most.

And when she talks to you, you can tell she means what she says. I have had many talks with her (although not as many as I'd like) and can tell you Lady K, most of the time, shes very direct. She knows how to ask direct questions to cut through the bullshit. She also seems like the type of person who pushes her friends. If she likes you, I get the impression that she'll always encourage you to do and be your best.

All I can say Lady K, is she's special, and she reminds me of my first girlfriend when I was 13. Lydia would get mad at me when I screwed up, but would always come back and tell me what I did and that she knew I could do better. No matter what, she always pushed me to be better. Lydia never berated me or out me down. bet lifted me up and made me feel I was worth something. When I lost Lydia, I lost someone special. So saying Lady K, any of Ms. Wenzel's friends who lose her as a friend, for whatever reason, will lose someone special, too.

I pay attention to a lot of other people who leave too. People like Ms. Newman, Ms. Williams, Mrs. Rainy, Davis, and others that I don't even know. While I do this, I think about how things would be different if I wasn't in prison, but instead, out in the free world. Some of the questions I always ask myself are things like: Where would I be right now? If I wasn't here, would I have met all these individuals like Weatherby and Wenzel? And if I didn't, would I still be as screwed up as I was before I met them? What would I be driving? Who would I be married too? Would I have any kids?

It just makes me think about how different my life could be if I hadn't met certain people. I can honestly say, even at 40, that the people you surround yourself with makes an impact on who you are and who you become. As I have come to realize this, I have started sliding back from a bunch of those I used to associate with here, because most of them aren't positive influences to be around.

What about you Lady K? What about those you hang around with? Are there some you know you shouldn't be around? Or are there some you lost that you wish you could get back?

Hmmm...I think I've just about burned my brain out for now. It's not easy trying to write a letter to someone who you have to be careful with what you say. But you're worth it! And then there's the fact that writing someone like you after writing just family and pen pals for so long, is on a different level than writing someone such as yourself.

Oh, before I close, I wanted to mention something I forgot in my last letter to you. I have already changed a lot from who I was before I came to this program, and it was by choice. But a long time ago, I learned that I couldn't change for someone else, but it had to be for myself. So, what I wanted to say Lady K, is I'm NOT changing for you...But because of you, I'm changing. I just wanted you to know that.

I guess I should let you go as I'm sure you have other things to do. I know you get up in the mornings and get on the social media sites(imagine that;-o)(HAHAHA) I enjoyed spending this time with you Lady K. I hope you enjoyed it too. Maybe you could leave some topics (or anyone reading this could leave some topics, that is) for me to write on. Until then, take care and know I'm thinking of you often, even if you're too busy to think of me often.

Always Your Friend
[Signature: Bobby Bayer]
Grizzly Bear
Bobby

Here's a joke for you I thought you might like:
When I was younger, I always used to feel like a man trapped in a woman's body. However, that all changed when I was born! (HAHAHA)(Smile)

[part of different letter? page 3]
board, etc. And I also have to take into consideration what's best for myself, too.

But friendship is really about doing and being there for someone you respect and admire without expecting anything in return. If you have ulterior motives in doing something for your friend, then that's not your friend, but an asset.

Well, there you have what I have been thinking about, as well as meditating on for a while now. I am sure that I have a long way to go, but for now, I'm just dusting off the table top in my head, ya dig? There's a lot of dust up there, as I haven't been in those rooms in forever. Any-ways Ms. Wenzel, I hope you enjoyed my blog this time. It helped me put friendship into a better perspective. Thanks for your time. Take care, keep smiling and making others smiling and I'll be writing again...Just giving you fair warning ;-> Let me close this one with a joke this time:
Recipes are like online dating websites. They never end up looking like the picture.

Until next time....I remain lost and confused;-0
Respectfully Submitted,
[Signature: Bobby Bayer]
Bobby Bayer
AKA
Grizzly Bear