Our True Original Course
...often, in the world's most crowded streets,
...often, in the din of strife,
There rises an unspeakable desire
After the knowledge of our buried life;
A thirst to spend our fire and restless force
In tracking out our true, original course;
A longing to inquire
Into the mystery of this heart which beats
So wild, so deep in us -- to know
Whence our lives come and where they go.
And many a man in his own breast then delves,
But deep enough, alas! none ever mines.
And we have been on many thousand lines,
And we have shown, on each, spirit and power;
But hardly have we, for one little hour,
Been on our own line, have we been ourselves.
- Matthew Arnold
The Buried Life
9/9 Post ANSOL #1/4 - Lock Down
9/10 Tech Dict + C/S 1 - off week-long lock down. (No Supervision - No grp)
Check with Rock, LSFL Criminon crs, - promise to do instead of BSM.
Check with Marky, TPOW ext crs - slow progress. Gave him my crs as demo.
Gave DJ (college student) Components check sheet and last booklet.
Gave Gabriel Resolving Conflict booklet.
9/12 (No supervision - No grp)
9/13 Post ANSOL #2/4
9/14 Counsel Pack in re TPOW = Problem? Relate overt phenom & remedy. EP = cog!
Gave Strong S. comm + 20 pg PR.
9/15 Caught Rabbi in chapel - discussed my 5th year of SPO frustrations, all serve to raise interest with reconn. Revealed my sole purpose is to have professional VMs deliver tech. "If I build it they will come". The reply was typical allusion to Money Motive of COS. I agreed COS is very successful in material universe, but my incentive to get them in here is to deliver Life Skills tech as rehab of future neighbors.
9/15 New Post - Non Existence Formula "politicing" for Help to perform Clerk duties. Consult previous clerk for Hat + material: No material/No responsibility. The Officials don't want Special Purchase Clerk traffic. 50$ pay check to do nothing? Unacceptable counter-purpose! General Population privileges are few enough - they have nothing to lose... so I intend to produce privilege. I need Law Library research DOM/Title 15/Memos regarding Property Matrix/Approved Vendors - Religious - Hobby - Medical - etc <- 1st Action. 2nd Action: obtain Job Description Document, 3rd Action: alert RtR of my Post Duty - Terminal (Non-E). Very aware of Liability Cond of Post in the past! Posit my Elderly Release motivation to demo responsibility - or fail miserably if I succumb to Post Pressure.
9/15 Radiating Power, Richy - the Psych Office porter - and Sports co-ordinator who makes a lot of my copies, inquired about my high power writing skills, endeavoring to delegate Sports Column in the Mule Creek Post. 30 min. discussion regarding projected reality - Purpose, Explain Game. Suggested Plan By Product. WG available as consultant to edit HIS By-Line. WHAT'S THE SCORE - by Richy, I suggested.
9/15 Loaned ANSOL to Smokey, requesting bk. rept. - Post ANSOL 3/4
9/15 Discarded 20 lbs paper from my decade old files. Boxed up Scn. Bks. Clear shelf for new Post material.
9/17 VM Components crs done. Politicing Post (No supervision - no grp)
9/18 Law Library research. DOM 101050.1. Handicraft/Property Matrix. Engage Imam at Chapel with Enthusiasm of new post. Explained 5 yr. yard crew post survived the liberty of self-determinism (give em enough rope). He ack. deserving - then focus on Pay/Restitution? It's interesting to see both chaplains stable datum on arbitrary $. I went on to explain Parole Board consideration at 60, reflecting on success and responsibility of public service with SPO/Property Clerk/etc. Requesting to straighten out Scn. locker initiated Game for me to ack Dominant L/C. Addressed Wednesday Movement Sheet still doesn't list Scn grp. His retort was to tell me I'm the only one who comes in for grp. He will officialize it when I show consistent student presence. The only "consistency" is no-supervision, I said... but okay. Ack game at Conservatism. Time with Smokey after mini-riot revealed a Spiritual Aspirant (drug addict) devaluing ANSOL as too focused on mundane observations. Seen Rowland, rec'd FOT - last wk! Still hasn't started LSFL.
9/19 Busy, busy mind before dawn. How to maintain Integrity at Conservatism? Stand-Down Clerk/Stand-Down SPO/Stand-Down BTB!!! Randomity Problem. Need remember: Solving Problems is what the Mind does. Higher yet, the Mind Imagines - so focus more of Aesthetics. SPO is my only Supreme Test. BTB is my audition. Clerk is merely a dangerous game - my favorite! I need discover more data on the sub-apathy phenom. cf. TPOW/Components of Understanding.
9/19 Officer Leninger MU WG purpose outside. Antagonistically challenge stupidity and get sent back to my building... [angry face] 22 Form request for Job Description! PR time with CC case worker.
9/19 Night Yard meeting with Rock - returned BSM, Flag Mag and provided TFOT for me to copy and add to my collection: ANSOL, EOAS, SOS, DN, TPOW, APA-TEE, MILESTONE ONE, All Criminon crs, ART. (No Supervision, No grp)
9/20 Post ANSOL 4/4. Gave DJ my Components crs work as demo to nudge him along. Batman advocates to resolve MU problem of new "Sinecure" post. Danger Formula. Note: Mr Pack moved/transferred to C-Facility
Mr Helser finished TPOW - I will give him Don Arnow @ Bridge Line
Neither WG/Helser rec'd Bridge Comm - Welcome letter. Nor has Rock.
- Personal Dilemma -
Conservatism Tone seems to compromise Integrity. A threatening Dwindling Spiral via Suppressive Reasonableness. cf. NSOL 82, 83, 84, 85, 86, 87, v. 91. Preempting with Understanding that there is no entangling dilemma with aesthetics, I'm left to re-consider Purpose-counter purpose. cf. Components crs. #17 - New Post "Professionalism"' #18 - Ordeals. I've gotta face it: 50$/mo. Sinecure post permits me to continue my self-determined Life-style (Art/SPO/Protagonist). That's Ideal!
W/C Sinecure: [ML without cure (of souls) 1: an ecclesiastical benefice without cure of souls. 2: an office or position that requires little or no work and that usually provides an income.
W/C Benefice: [L. favor; promotion]: FIEF
DUALITY OF WILL
The key then lies in our dual nature. We have a higher, spiritual self (the individuality) that is immortal, that persists from life to life; and we have a lower, material self (the personality) that is mortal, that lasts but a single life. Each of these aspects of our nature has its own will. The will of the higher self is to love unconditionally, to sacrifice, to share, to help others, and to produce beauty. This will needs to be strengthened. The will of the lower self is to amass wealth, power and position; to hoard; to compete; and to harm others if they stand in our way. This will needs to surrender itself to a higher power - surrender itself, that is, to the higher self, the higher will.
Each moment of our lives we face choices. For instance, as we are on our way to work one morning, we see an old man vainly struggling to cross the street. Do we hurry past him in order to get to work on time and to stay in the good graces of our superiors and maybe get a good raise at the end of the year? Or do we stop to help him and risk being late and possibly sacrifice job performance? That is, do we act for others (the higher will) or do we act for ourselves alone (the lower will)? Again and again we face these choices, and again and again karma brings us the result. Ultimately we face sorrow on the one hand, joy on the other.
As we evolve, we make less and less selfish choices and more and more selfless ones. As we do so, the lower will, by sacrificing itself, becomes one with the higher will, just as a grain of rice, by giving itself to be eaten, becomes one with the man eating it. And just as the man becomes stronger from the sacrifice of the grain, so the will becomes stronger from the sacrifice of its lower tendencies.
Therefore, no contradiction inherently exists. The will is both surrendered and strengthened, only it is the lower will that is surrendered and the higher that is strengthened.
Do as thou will
Be as thou will
Have as thou will
Thought is Boss.
Reality is a flowing. This does not mean that everything moves, changes, becomes. Science and common experience tell us that. It means that movement, change, becoming is everything that there is. There is nothing else; everything is movement, is change. The time that we ordinarily think about is not real time, but a picture of space.
- Henry-Louis Bergson
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