Sept. 29, 2019

Cracked Mirror

by Troy Hendrix (author's profile)

Transcription

CRACKED MIRRORS

I often reflect on the countless experiences that I have experienced during my existence, and this reflection brings with it a mixture of euphoria and melancholy. My heart swells with elation, whenever my thoughts recall the blissful moments when I was free and far removed from solitude. The moments when my thoughts were filled with ambition, aspirations, and high hopes—not pain, misery and hopelessness.

I entered the realms of solitary confinement in 2006, and my placement has extended over a span of 13 years (and counting). This confinement was "supposedly" designed to "help" not hurt, but in all actuality, it inflicts nothing but destruction and devastation upon the mental and emotional well-being of anyone subjected to these conditions. The destruction that I have seen in others around me was a "mirror" reflection of what I have seen in myself. Nevertheless, I remained in denial for many years because I feared being the person that I saw reflected within that cracked "mirror."

Becoming a product of my environment has made me desensitized, and I lost a huge chunk of normalization. Before my placement in solitary, I had many flaws, but subjection to these isolated conditions for so long has exacerbated most of them and created a few new ones. I clearly recognized the exacerbation of my flaws upon seeing my reflection within this cracked "mirror."

For quite some time, I avoided looking at my reflection because I was unable to accept who I had become. I did not want to be inflicted with the SHU syndrome like everyone else around me, but I eventually realized that this infliction is inevitable. This cruel confinement was designed to bend and twist your will power, test your resolve, and eradicate motivation. The subjection to this extreme isolation has been burdensome and has placed tremendous amount of strain on my mind and spirits.

I cannot narrow down or pin point one particular thing that constantly motivates me to maintain my constructive attitude. Today I could be motivated by a song, tomorrow's motivation can come from a book or letter, and next week I could learn and be motivated by the mistakes or success of others. Unfortunately, the things that may motivate me today, could discourage and dishearten me tomorrow. Motivation is necessary in this dispiriting environment, especially since depression and democralization is inevitable.

Every day I fight to avoid being blanketed by the dark clouds of depression. Every day I do all I can to keep a tight grip unto my sanity because insanity threatens me daily. And every day I build up the strength and courage to face the person reflected within this cracked "mirror."

By TROY HENDRIX

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Replies (13) Replies feed

TonyParchment21 Posted 10 months, 1 week ago. ✓ Mailed 7 months, 3 weeks ago   Favorite
Hey Troy may not remember me but this is Tony...Tasha Son l love and miss you big bro...keep holding your head up and stay in touch ...I'll be checking for a response...

Troy Hendrix Posted 9 months, 3 weeks ago.   Favorite
(scanned reply – view as blog post)

TonyParchment21 Posted 9 months, 2 weeks ago. ✓ Mailed 7 months, 3 weeks ago   Favorite
Love you big bro , I appreciate that to the fullest, and no matter even though our memories remain stuck in a time loop of greatness and what I can say is the best years of my life, I hope to build new mental memories through verbal expression from one another on daily basis. I'm glad you remain strong and free will in your mind and heart because this system is designed to break men like us but as long as we have family love one another,respect for one another and most importantly God, then I feel that well shall triumph over all bars held beneath us mentally and physically.

justice Posted 9 months ago. ✓ Mailed 7 months, 3 weeks ago   Favorite
You deserve your punishment. Romona Moore did not deserve hers. I feel no sympathy for you at all.

Tilly Posted 6 months, 3 weeks ago. ✓ Mailed 6 months, 2 weeks ago   Favorite
Hi Troy
My names Tilly I’m from England I don’t know if this will reach you but If it does just know to keep hope and If it’s not too much I would love a reply back because I think we could be friends

scotthongkong Posted 6 months, 2 weeks ago. ✓ Mailed 6 months, 2 weeks ago   Favorite
Hi Troy

I am Scott from Sydney Australia and I would be keen to correspond with you. I am a well travelled elementary educator with lots of interesting stories to tell and share.

Mayada@55 Posted 4 months ago. ✓ Mailed 3 months, 3 weeks ago   Favorite
Hello there troy , it’s my first time writing to a complete stranger who I know nothing but the name and basics but i got so enchanted with your writings i had to write you something anything actually to tell how beautiful soul you are your writings are amazing they should be in a book and sold worldwide if i told were i live you would be surprised i live way across the world from you and not once in my 22 years in life I thought i would ever cross path with an amazing person like you who’s million miles away but i just want you to know your writings really touched me and you should never ever stop i’ll try to keep most pf them with me so i can let everyone read they are so beautiful the world needs to see it . I hope life treats you good and I’ll always keep you in my prayers for you are a stranger who helped me in a way you might never understand. Thank you
You can call me Mayada .
‏وتحسب أنك جرم صغير وفيك انطوى العالم الأكبر
Translated to : A little body thyself thou deem, while the great universe in thee dwells... which basically means you think that you are but a little comet but the great cosmos lies in you . It’s a famous quote in my country in arabic thought you might relate to .
Be good

TMars1399 Posted 2 months, 3 weeks ago. ✓ Mailed 2 months, 2 weeks ago   Favorite
What’s good bro. It’s T.... u probably don’t remember me.. I lived on 59th right around the corner from you. I think you caught a raw deal and I know the person u are and what they claimed YOU did, u didn’t do. I knew Kayson and his brothers. They were always bad news ... and that wasn’t you.. u jus got caught up. Keep fighting for your freedom. Hold it down

Blacksmith1 Posted 4 weeks, 1 day ago. ✓ Mailed 14 hours, 11 minutes ago   Favorite
Days in ya basement smoking, drinking, listening to ambitionz of a killer by Cameron, them 86th st dudes all around, short ass dugee', crip dude, remember Mr murder on kings Highway🤔, or swa fat ass wit da good weed lol, reminisce friend keep ya head high.

Waveyyy Posted 2 weeks ago.   Favorite
Romondo is a sucker bro, keep ya head high my guy, better days will come. I remember empty bottles on your dresser from all the 40'z we would throw back, the weight bench in the middle of the room we would see who could lift da most lol. Standing outside wit you on Ralph n Snyder when Meyer Levin and Tilden let out. It was lit boy. Miss those days. Stay strong

Blackbeatle Posted 1 week, 6 days ago.   Favorite
A yo tmars1399 is that you torian? Lol🤔🤔🤔

PuertoRicanGoddess Posted 6 days, 14 hours ago.   Favorite
I’ve known Troy for over a year now and I have grown to love him. He is a very intelligent ,respectful and a loving man and have shown me nothing but love. He came into my life when my days was filled with nothing but darkness and Troy shined his light on me and changed all of that. He is a beautiful person inside and out. His words has touch me in so many way and I can relate to his poems on many levels. He always tries to makes the best out of his current situation and still manages to make me smile with his simple words. That’s why I love him so much and one day the world will see how amazing he is and appreciate everything that he has to give. Troy is misunderstood and wasn’t given a fair shot but I believe that God has a plan for him and he will be free. He believes that everything happens for a reason so as we continue on this journey together we will always be family and our hearts will continue to beat as one!!!!

Kelz81 Posted 2 hours, 1 minute ago.   Favorite
Hey Troy! I pray that you are staying as strong as you possibly can!
-Kelly

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