Reply ID: yfaq
10-31-19

Dear Tenzin,
Define peace.

The peace that I acquired was the feeling that death wasn't the only answer to my pain.

Before my incarceration I would have defined peace as having enough money to pay my bills and have a little fun, a great job, and those I love being safe. Now my definition for peace is being sound of mind. A calm spirit focusing on what I have and not on what I don't have. The more positively I push out, the more I'll pull in. I want to awake each morning with the feeling that my soul is rising with the sun. Peace is not allowing the captivity of my body to hold captive in my mind.

My life is what it is. I can't control where I live or go, but I can control everything else. That is what I focus on. The most important thing in my life are the relationships I have. I only have a couple of friends. But those that I have care. To me, that's a very big deal. Someone knowing exactly who I am and still caring how I'm doing, if I live or die, and knowing the possibility of me being executed, they still choose to ride out this storm with me.

I have my wants—canteen, music, clothes, visitation—those things I have very little of. But the only thing I need are people who care. I've had enough money before, but no one who cared. I wasn't happy. Now that money is gone, I have someone who cares and I can smile. Laugh at something funny. Have a calm enough mind to draw them a picture just because I want to make them feel good. I know that I have peace when I can focus on helping others instead of myself.

Peace is accepting the life I have and understanding the sun will still rise. And it's up to me if I want to enjoy it.

If days grow dark
If care and pain
Press close and sharp
On heart and brain
Then lovely pictures
Still shall bloom
Upon the walls
Of memory's room
—"My Burdens"
Charles Monroe Dickenson
[1842-1924]

How do you define peace?
Take care!

Yours truly,
Doug