Dec. 15, 2019

Dear Reader......(12-8-19)

by Douglas Blaine Matthews (author's profile)

Transcription

12-8-19

Dear Reader,
Hey! I hope you're doing well. I have something different to share with you today.

Have you ever wondered what people talk about on death row? As you can imagine the conversations can get depressing to hear when the next execution is scheduled, who might be next, who's afraid of going next and who wants to be next because they're tired of these conditions. But then there are normal conversations too. What's on TV, who's coming to visit who this weekend or month, sports. But here and there you'll find a conversation that'll make one wish I could have a YouTube channel specifically for death row comedy.

I'm going to share a short back and forth with you between two fellas in their seventies or eighties and a third in his sixties. The names I will change, out of respect for privacy.

John and James are reminiscing about their sexual escapades as young men.

John say, "Man, I wish I could have an all night congegual visit with my lady! I'm telling you, I'd put down alll niiight long!"

James responds, "The only ting your broken down old ass would be puttin' down is your blood pressure. As soon as your little pecker got hard, you'd have a stroke."

"Like hell I would. But if I did, at least the damn thing worked again before I died. Now that's something to smile about. You can put on my headstone 'Killed by his pecker instead of a needle!' Ha! But what the hell are you talkin' about? You're older than me! The only thing you'd shoot out of yours is a puff of smoke!"

The third man, Jason, chimes in. "Yeah, and one of those little flags on a stick will pop out the end of it and how 'POW' written on it!"

Ha!Ha! :D

I hope that made you laugh! It did me when I head it happen. Almost the whole hallway got a nice chuckle out of it.

I hope you're enjoying the holidays!

A volunteer group came by this past Friday and passed out some snacks and soda. They talked with us and caroled. It was nice. They do it every year. They used to be able to bring snacks and cookies from the outside world. Lots of it too. But the prison stopped them from being that generous to us on the row. Now we can only have snacks if they buy it from the prison canteen. And to keep from being sued, I think they did it to the whole state.

In short, good people who want to be generous to us during the holidays have to pay the prison in order to give us those tread. This has only been done this way this and last year. Maybe someone of peace, right?

I've tried to acquire this level of peace before but was unsuccessful. I wasn't as level minded back then. I tried to practice patanjails eight limbs of yoea. It felt a difference, mentally and physically, but I drifted away from it. Got lazy. I still have the book as I still practice the stretches and sometimes pranayama, but I haven't gone past that in some time.

It's called Total Yoga by Tara Frasier. I like it and may dive into it again. It's come up a few times in this last month or so.

I take it you're Buddhist? And from how well you articulate your knowledge and wisdom, I'm guessing you've been practicing a long time? Am I right or wrong? If I'm wrong, please share with me your practice.

It has become somewhat difficult for me to articulate my feelings and thoughts via verbal communication. And writing as well I'm now noticing. I don't socialize much. Being in solitary confinement for so long has had that effect on me. I explain this because I didn't properly explain my answer on peace. Instead, you had to comprehend what I was trying to say. Which I'm thankful for. I just want you to know why. And that I may continue to have difficulty with this.

But now I'm aware of it, which will make will have a change of heart next year. Probably not. :! Greed and prejudice runs this system. At least they haven't stopped them from coming up here and spreading some humanity around. For that moment, I feel more humanity rising inside of me than I do the entire year combined. Someone who looks at me as a human deserving of that instead of a danger or an answer. Not just death row but the world needs more of that.

Until next time.

Yours truly,
Doug

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Replies (3) Replies feed

tenzintenzin Posted 1 month ago. ✓ Mailed 3 weeks, 4 days ago   Favorite
Hello Douglas.
I find as I get older I become far more introverted and taciturn I can't talk for talking sake. I recently fell out with an ex friend who drive me absolutely mad with her incessant gossiping and inane chat. Any kind of pause in conversation would induce her to babble a way, she drove me crazy. She was quite a compassionless toxic person, she seriously crossed a line with me a few months back and I struck out, verbally, I;m usually a doormat, so that was that, so we don’t have to put up with her this Christmas, which sounds heartless, but, boy, If you met her!! Conversely, I do enjoy earwigging other peoples conversations. People talk loudly on their phones in public, in the Mall, or in the street, and sometime have the most inappropriate conversations out loud. I’ve actually burst out laughing listening to someone’s ‘private’ conversation, and got a dark look back off them!
Is the row a quiet place. I often read that jail is quite noisy, night and day, and they say that the row is the safest place to be in jail, because people don’t have anything to prove or prove in people? Speaking as someone who doesn't like spending time in their own head (I don't meditiate) I think that solitary confinement would send me insane quite quickly. There is a book I recently read produced in the USA with accompanying DVD called In the timeless time. It was written in 1979 when Texas stopped executions for a decade. And on this particular row documentaries logged the conversation and behaviour of the inmstes. In such a stultifying regime the inmates got quite creative and sneaky! Some of the guards were just a nightmare, a lot of power plays which was sad. But some were briliisnt, trying to make the best of a bad environment.
Among the blogs here and on other innate contact t sites, when I have looked into what the guy actually done to get jailed sometimes I am absolutely appalled by their actions. There are some horrors of humanity there and I am glad they have walls around them and they will forever be removed from the world. There is a price to be paid for a bad start in life, and the people who should pay it never do. The mental strain on people living in the row is beyond my comprehension, there is a great strength to live carrying remorse. And with the weight of a sentence .
Thing with preachers and all those sort of people they never truly understand the implications of making the wrong choice of doing something because it's easy. They have the Bible or Talmud or Koran and refer back to that, but life doesn't happen between the paragraphs or sentences of a page in a book, it happens between heartbeats. You sound strong to me, and in control of yourself and observant of others. Things may get lost in translation sometimes, but we breathe the same air.
Happy New year
T

Douglas Blaine Matthews Posted 3 days, 21 hours ago.   Favorite
(scanned reply – view as blog post)

tenzintenzin Posted 7 hours, 37 minutes ago.   Favorite
Hello Douglas
Just to confirm your post regarding treatment has been published on the blog.
I’ve sent you some snail mail which hopefully you’ll receive before reading this.
I hope prison staff see fit to treat you with dignity so that they can retain theirs. I’m sure the row is already a pressurised environment without the need to exacerbate that. But ultimately we are only human and hopefully it was just a one off.
Look after yourself
T

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