3whb

Personal Journal

If you're not here with me, I wonder where you're at. Is it the heat my love. there's still snow on top of the mountain. A beautiful sunrise, sing to me, let me hear your voice, another I love you song, I'm going through it alone - thank you.... A man die it a couple of days ago - he didn't die here he went to the hospital for an operation and die. People tell me I know who he was and they describe him to me. I can't picture him in my mind. I try not to hate on anyone but I associate with very few. Every one seems to know my name. I have trouble remembering names. I have trouble remembering a lot of things :)

7/15/20

I saw the doctor yesterday (7/14/20) on telemeds. A rheumatologist about my lupus, met the same one I was seeing before. He explain to me what lupus is and what it does and he gave me a print out, now I'm beginning to understand it more then I ever did. lupus erythematosus: a long-term (chronic) disease that can affect many parts of the body. It can damage the skin, joints, blood vessels, brain, kidneys, lungs, heart, and other internal organs. It causes pain, irritation, and inflammation. Lupus is an autoimmune disease where the body's defense system (immune system) mistakenly attacks normal tissues instead of attacking germs or abnormal growths. Right now it is in remission. I getting the right combination of medication - the weather been good :) I still have pain in my joint but not the bad pain right now and still can't close my hands all the way and I still have flare ups - last week I had a butterfly rash over my nose, cheeks and above my eyes and it hurt like a burn. :) I'm still waiting to go out and get this skin cancer operated on, lupus could be the cause of it - that and years of sitting out on the yard playing dominos + card games :)

7/17/20

I got a new pair of boots yesterday - nice, fit real good - hard toes, almost like steel toes. Feels like they weight about ten lbs each, when I go over to get my dressing changed today I'll get a weight on them :) weight me with them on and with them off :) I still haven't been out to have this skin cancer cut on - maybe they'll get me today within two weeks has been past. Getting less and less program for one reason or another we're being shut all the way down. For three days we were locked down so the guards could be tested - they could test them all all day when they come in and should :) I was going to paint yesterday sence I was on a no program day for the teir but then I got so upset about not getting their thing on my shoulder taken care of anxiety set in - open sores should be taken care of right aways all the R I can do is let the doctor know and check on it, the doctor can only put in for it and like me wait :) the old catch 22 :) .

7/19/20

I've been getting flustered, feeling agitated, anxiety has been sitting in in the mornings. I'm starting to get upset waiting to see the Dermatologist - get this skin cancer taken care of. It has been almost 3 weeks, the Dr. said within 2 week. I can't sit down and react - I'm to upset to write as I don't want to say anything off the wall, oh yes I do get crazy. I can't even get myself to paint. How do I get into the MAI program - I've been on the waiting list for 5 months (March 5th) people who got on the list after we are already in the program - who keeps the list and how can one check where he at on it - if he's even on it?

I'm going to stop writing for now - getting myself so upset it's hard to catch my breathe. I'll get this off this week - maybe I'll felt better in a few days. Thanks to everyone for listening.

7/22/20

The medical's not that bad here. It's just when you're waiting for something it's you need taken care of right alway and you're stuck on waiting at least I can see someone here - if they could only hear me :)