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RECIPE Page 1 of 2 4/17/12

Recipe for a true prison-spread:
Tools & Accouterments
1 Clear, cheap-ass garbage bag - 35-55 gallon size
4 Rival or Brushy Creek Hot Pots - modified to boil (or 6 qts water in a bucket and a stinger) filled with boiling water
1 hand operated 25 cent can opener
Some cheap eating bowls
Some nylon spoons
2 people you don't know who contribute NOTHING to the spread but show up with spoons/bowls expecting to eat
2-8 people you do know who will contribute ingredients to the spread

Ingredients (MUST ABSOLUTELY FOLLOW TO A TEE!)

8 Ramen Soups - Either chili, picante beef or chicken flavor (1 must have a corner chewed off by a rodent) (2 must be expired)
3 Bags 'Clear Choice' brand refried beans
2 Bags 'Insta-Rice'
4 Packs (10 per pack) Tortillas - 1 year past pull date & frozen/defrosted at least twice!
1 Jar El Pato brand hot jalapeno wheels within 3 months +- of pull date
1 Jar El Pato brand hot yellow peppers within 3 months +- of pull date
2 bottles Senor Tomas brand jalapeno squeeze cheese
1 Bag Chilli corn chips (El Sabroso is good, Cactus Annies preferred)
1 bottle garlic powder that is in some way defective (bad label, expired, etc)
1 bottle Red Wing brand squeeze mayonnaise
2 pouches Rip-n-Read, brand meat (beef, pork, chicken - or combine!)
1 can black olives (Save the lid!!)
1 bottle salsa Picante
4 pouches Armour brand chili, lasagna or beef stew (or combined!)

blogs/908
Recipe 2 of 2 4/17/12

Ingredients Continued
Optional: (For real prison flair)
Generic bologna - 10-20 slices left unopened on a shelf for 3 days to 1 week
10-20 slices sliced cheese that DOES NOT MELT (Grocery outlet generic should do the trick)
'Grab Bag': This can be hard but it's a 'surprise' contribution - the one contributor who is unemployed must go to a Denny's and collect some eggs, sausage or burgers UNEATEN from people's plates, smuggle it home, leave it sit on a shelf loosely wrapped for -6 hours. OR If said unemployed person knows someone in the foodservice industry - set a hold of 1 lunch bag of whatever the restaurant si throwing away that was unserved at the end of business.
You think I'm joking? I wish!

Now -
Combine all ingredients (except tortillas) into the clear garbage bag. Use the lid from the olive can to chop the olives, any meats, sliced cheeses, jalapenos, yellow peppers, bologna, grab big shit etc. NO YOU CAN'T USE A KNIFE DUMB-ASS! THIS IS A 'PRISON' SPREAD - NO KNIVES IN PRISON. NOW CHOP, DAMN IT! Boil water in Hot Pot - pour over ingredients - until it is wet but not soupy. Tie bag shut. Roll on ground for 5 minutes until firm.

Use spoon to dish into bowls or spoon onto tortillas roll into burritos & EAT!

Every child in California needs to learn this, as someday you WILL be in prison.