IMPRESSIVE DEPRESSION
X-Ray Robinson May 2011

IF I AM CONVINCED IN MY MIND, HEART AND SOUL THAT THE CHRIST LIVED, AND IF I HAVE BEEN PERSUADED, CONVINCED, BELIEVE AND ACCEPTED THE ESSENCE OF HIS LIFE, TEACHINGS AND PRACTICES; THEN I HAVE CONNECTED WITH A DEEPER PRESENCE OF MY BEING, WHICH IS MY PERSONAL CORE-SOURE OF LOVE, AND LIGHT, MY KINGDOM OR A HEAVEN, IF I MAY. IF THIS IS "THEE" RELATION-SHIP EXPERIENCE, THEN "I AM IN HEAVEN NO MATTER WHERE I AM." I AM IN LOVE.

IF I AM NOT IN LOVE OR OPERATING WITH LOVE INTENTIONS AND REACTIONS, THEN I AM IN A NON-LOVE-LIGHT LIFE RELATIONSHIP, WHICH IS A DIFFERENT KIND OF KINGDOM, ABSENT OF LIGHT. LIKE HELL. IF I MAY. IN THIS STATE, AWARE OR UNAWARE, NO MATTER WHERE I AM, I AM IN HELL. HELL IS WHAT I EXPERIENCE AND WHERE I AM

THE STORIES THAT WE TELL OURSELVES, EACH OTHER, AND THE CONSTANT CHATTER, IN OUR HEADS, ARE ABOUT HEAVEN OR HELL. DO WE NOT SEE THAT CONSTANT THEME AND RECOGNIZE THAT THESE COMMUNICATIONS IN THOUGHT, SPOKEN, TEXT OR BLOGGED, ARE NOT DESCRIPTIONS OF HOW WE ARE DYING. BUT THESE ARE VERBAL DETAILED PAINTINGS OF HOW WE ARE LIVING. IT WOULD CAUSE ONE TO UNDERSTAND IN A BRIEF MOMENT OF CLARITY, THAT WE MUST DIE TO THE EXPECTATION OF ARRIVING AT A LOCATION OF HEAVEN OR HELL THAT HAS AN ADDRESS IN THE YELLOW PAGES.

I AM ONE WHO KNOWS UNANIMOUSLY THAT PRISON WALLS DO NOT A PRISON MAKE. IT WAS THAT "ONE" WHO SAID THAT WE WOULD LOOK HERE AND THERE, ABOVE AND BELOW. BUT THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN IS WITHIN YOU. THE SIMPLE THINGS HAVE BEEN MADE TO APPEAR SO COMPLICATED; EATING TOGETHER IN SILENCE, CRYING WITH A CHILD IN A COLORING BOOK, OR JUST TAKING OFF OUR SHOES TO WALK BAREFOOT IN THE LOCAL GRASS. THE SIMPLE THINGS THAT WERE ONCE IRRESISTIBLE AND ELECTRIC ARE NOW A RELIGIOUS FEAT TO BE LEARNED IN CLASSED AND REQUIRING LOADS OF EFFORT AND PLANNING.

AS MY BIRTHDAY APPROACHES THIS MONTH, I AM REALIZING THAT THE MORE I DIE NOW, TO DEAD THINGS AND DEAD THOUGHTS, THE LESS STUFF I WILL HAVE TO DIE TO AND DIE ABOUT LATER. SOMEDAY, BEFORE ME THERE SHALL BE A FAMILIAR YET UNRECOGNIZABLE LIGHT. IT SHALL BE WHAT IS LEFT AFTER MY DYING STUFF-THINKING, AFTER MY MOVING OUT OF THE DARK SHADOWS, IT WILL BE AT LAST - MY LIFE, ACCURATELY BALANCED AND HEALTHY. THE WAY IT WAS INTENDED. THEN, I CAN ASCEND.

CHRIST SAID:
BE YE TRANSFORMED BY THE RENEWING OF YOUR MIND.
ROMANS 12:2

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