It's Been Far Too Long!

So, I know its been A looong time since I've written. No doubt some of you gave up on me. I do understand, But! I am back! I started college last year and I took took this class called counseling 105 an introduction to collage and life..in it they spoke about making A journal so...thats what I stated to do about 3 months ago. What I am going to do now is start to re-write it (because my cursive can be hard to read.
As i re-write it word for word I will send it until I am caught up. Please keep in mind this is my first journal so I may not remember to put all the dates. Please just bear with me. So with no further ado,

Welcome to the Journal of Jackie Henderson AKA- Kakamia Jahad Imarisha.
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So today is the first day of my journal. 5-1-12
I've never done a journal before. I always thought it was a....Female thing. but I guess not. This college course I took "Counseling 105" Suggested it so I figured what the hell! I dont know how long it will last but we will see how it goes and who knows, I might learn some things about myself in the process.
I hope today will be a good day I've set my goals to get 2 portraits done as well as A couple of long over due letters, plus i need to go outside and spend some time with Terra, that is the plan at any rate...
Sunday was one helluva day. I found out that one of my sisters students brought a gun to school and tried to end his life., you know, when i called her, i actually called to get on her case about not sending me some mail, she said she was going to send. But when it was all said and done i didnt care about that, the only thing that mattered was that 12 year old boy sitting in the hospital.
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She wants me to write to him so i can try to encourage him to do the right thing..you know, ive been locked up now for a very long time since Dec 16th of 1990 and during that time i have burred so much about my past that its hard for me to open up. I donno, maybe me writing this young man to encourage him will actually help me dig up some bones i need to confront! we'll see..
Eh! Me and Terra have been arguing again, shes on me about "opening up" look, i know she loves me and trust what i say i love her too, hell im actually "in" love with her but she knows its hard for me to open up I believe that if i cannot forgive those who hurt me or even forgive myself than there is NO WAY i will put my cross on her back. Its "my" cross to bear and i will carry it until my death.
I am vain, bottom line, its hard for me to admit weakness. I am a mans man. It was hard for me to come out of the closet and tell people i messed around with transgenders let alone any type of weakness. Hell I'm a certified & documented Ex Dope Dealer, Gang Member and founder, Bully. The whole 9..to admit weakness is NOT an option...I'll be back...
O.K its is now Wednesday i didnt have a chance to get you yesterday i had a couple of self-help groups i had to go to. Plus i was doing some very important art work. Sets see, well I've been somewhat bummed the last couple of days because i received NO mail :( I was just placed on a web-site (writeaprisoner.com) and Ive gotten no mail. But! on the brighter note i did receive a package from some very good friends of mine. It was actually the first package that me or Terra didint give them a list. WE just had them handle it! and it was a good one. All good food and cosmetics..AND! yup 2 good things i guess you could say. ITs been a real good couple of dqys for me regardless of mail situation. The good thing is that Terra's shoulder is getting better. She hurt it a whole ago playing hand ball, bless her heart she thought she could beat me...im from Brooklyn, shes from San Diego, that wasnt going to happen.
But, im glad she's doing better because when she hurts, it kills me. Physically or emotionally. Sometimes i think that she doesn't realize it. It bothers me that sometimes i cant do anything to help her and to me, i feel like less of a man. I know that may sound funny to some, but thats just the way i am. It any rate, shes doing better now and that makes me happy...
So today i went to the Doctors and they are going to give me a bunch of blood test and give me some shot for something or other. The Doctor was shocked to find out ive never had chicken pox. Well i guess that it for today....
Thursday the 3rd
Its about 9:30 in the A.M, I guess my day has started good. I'm going to attempt to contact my Sister today I need to find out if she is coming up this weekend plus i need to check and see how young victor is doing. He is the young man who tried to kill himself. There have been times in my life that i have felt low and know where his mind is at so for me its important to keep in contact with him to make sure he is O.K.
Other than that i plan on doing some artwork this afternoon and do a little reading. A friend of mine gave me the Hunger Games trilogy to read, so i think i'll take a chuck of that today and then just relax.
Right now Terra is over at the clinic getting her hormone shot(which means she will be moody) but, i'm actually very proud of her, all the transgenders here are getting bra's and i dont know if it was her paperwork directly but what i do know is that she is ONE of the reasons they are going to get them. I'm so very proud of her. My little activist..until my next mail in...good nite and Nam-Myoho-Rewge-Kyo!