Blogs/908
10/24/12

After the last one...

I probably lost many of my female readers? Ha...

So here's an observation on prison life; let's talk about the suicidal dipsticks - real and imagined.

For the moment let's set aside the argument that yes... prison sucks... Yes, being away from one's family, friends, environment sucks, yes - let's set ALL that aside and skip ahead to the part where an inmate is in the psych or C/O's office complaining that life isn't worth living and they want to check out... Can we be in that moment? OK! Good.

Problem No. 1: If you are gonna do it, JUST F**KING DO IT - don't TALK about it - do it - and don't leave a note. It REALLY confuses the p-shrinks & profilers if you do that. Think of it as a statement to the "nothingness" you felt at the end. Plus - who wants to read some sappy, shitty drivel about how your mom forgot to read to you & the cat hated you??? Blah blah blah - just DO it...

Problem No. 2: If you are stupid enough to TELL someone - then all you want is ATTENTION. Go outside and make some friends, OK? Quit wasting taxpayer dollars because you have no self esteem. Go exercise or read a good book. Play guitar... You don't want to really kill yourself if you "talk" about your feelings, OK?

Problem #3: If you are a pshrink or C/O - Try this on your next so-called suicidal moron: When the dipstick arrives in your office, complaining, etc... INSTEAD of cuffing him up & placing him in a PHV/observation tank, put a loaded pistol, a cyanide capsule, and a razor blade on the desk.

Inform the inmate that he can choose one method to die from and you will leave the room for him to enjoy his last moments with peace and dignity.

The ONLY people you need to cuff up & protect are the ones who ACTUALLY REACH for a method to die by. These are the GENUINELY mentally ill. You can commit those inmates and Dr. Phil them until they become useless morons just like you. Problem solved!

AND if the inmate DOES NOT REACH for the item, tell the moron to refer to #2 above and to get their sorry drama-queen ass OUT OF YOUR OFFICE. Problem solved!!

This ends our seminar on prison suicide. Thanks for reading.

Happy Day of the Dead/All Saints!!

- Andy