Reply I.D. qx88

Young Will

Thanks for the Thanksgiving greeting.

I pray all is well this holiday season for you and yours and I send you all my love as well.

You know that it is your sister Hannah's b-day on the 23rd, too - don't you? Sweet 16 <3.

When is the last time you've spoken with her, I wonder? Can you convey my love - and let her know that I do sincerely wish her all the best in every way. I miss you all so very much!

Okay... look - in my last writing to you where I was suggesting you try to see the benefits of being raised by stable responsible adults... and I think that I may have compared... or asked you if you'd rather have been raised by your mother in her hectic world. I'm sorry, bud. I really wasn't meaning to talk bad about your mom to you. I was only trying to help you see that the people who chose to raise you all probably did better by you than your mom and I could have ever done.

I sometimes wonder if your mom remembers when we vowed to each other that we would break the chain of our dysfunctional families. You see, we were raised by dysfunctional parents - who were theirselves raised by dysfunctional parents - who knows how many generations back it goes. Your mom and I wanted our kids to have a better life than we had though, and so we vowed to "break the (dysfunctional) chain". We had no idea that our noble intentions would end up with you all being raised by others who were more stable and responsible (functional) than we ever could have been. We thought that we would raise you all differently than we'd been raised, but our lives went out of control - and things turned out the way they did. For your sake, I hope for the best.

As for myself, sixteen years later - I've finally decided to genuinely work on amending my dysfunctional character. Lo and behold, I thought that some professional help would be helpful... and who would have thought I'd be diagnosed as follows:

Mr. Goehler appears stable, but continues struggling with his anger, hopelessness and irritability.
Axis I:
R/O 309.4 Adjustment Disorder with mixed Disturbance of emotions and conduct vs. 296.9 Mood Disorder NOS
Alcohol and Amphetamine Abuse
Axis II:
301.83 Borderline Personality Disorder
301.7 Antisocial Personality Disorder with Narcissistic features
Axis III: None noted in EUHR, IP reports rash
Axis IV: Life without the possibility of parole
Axis V: Current GAF: 60

Imagine that, eh? An angry, antisocial narcissist? Naturally I have to research elements of this diagnosis, so here are four pages of notes I took from two books I found on Borderline Personality Disorder, which should be helpful in helping myself become a better man. Heather has taken some psychology classes, so let her know about this blog post and then discuss this with her - or write me if you've questions I can answer.

I'm also signed-up to begin attending a self-help group which studies a book called Houses of Healing, which is an Emotional Awareness Court, I'm really looking forward to with dread - digging up bones and all, ya know. Will, I wish that you'd let yer mom know that you're aware of the vow we made to "break the chain". I hope that you are also able to express some gratitude for such noble intent, and above all: continue making us proud of the man you've become. I love you - and miss you all so much. I wish you all - all the best in 2013.

Be blessed.