So I went away and played around with your words, separated them into short verses & paraphrased each one, because I really wanted to understand what you were saying here. This is what I've come up with... (you'll have to tell me if I'm close or not)
You view the world through suspicious eyes, always questioning, and are careful about hiding the suspicion you hold of others so, you cover-up your natural behaviors by putting on a tough guy image, a front, and dumb yourself down to protect your true identity.
Your perception is often different to the reality of situations and even more so with your perceptions of people because you see everything & everyone as a threat through paranoid eyes or you see them as weak in comparison to yourself.
"Fear within Fear"
The next stage of your paranoia is to see yourself as the enemy when you look in the mirror. But your image is empty and cannot possibly challenge you, because it is just a 2 dimensional reflection & nothing more.
It's fascinating how we try to be something we're not we manipulate ourselves in a false image and manipulate others to become that same image, because we're afraid of being who we truly are or allowing their authenticity to challenge our own.
If you allow someone to know the real you, you feel exposed, like you've given away the power to manipulate your weaknesses
but in reality they have no more power than the 2 dimensional reflection in the mirror. Giving away control of who you are is a false perception.
- How did I go..?
I'd like to know if this was this a little self reflection of the man you once were? or possibly who you still are, or could it be about someone else? Could it be a story of mental illness..? Of the paranoia of schizophrenia maybe. I guess you could also be describing the insight of many, many lost souls sitting in prisons and on the streets of the USA. Being an Australian I can also draw similarities to so many young Australian Aboriginal kids who seem to have lost their own identities and taken on 'American Gangster' culture in their mannerisms, the way they dress and speak. Perhaps it's a story replicated in young people's insecurities throughout the world.
I'm glad I took the time to try and understand your words. I am a very literal person so if you were being more abstract or poetic with your writing, I will have completely messed up your message. However you meant for it to be interpreted, I find your writing in this post is very deep and touching.
I received an e-mail this morning from the Innocence Project stating that today (28 September 2012) the 300th person was exonerated by DNA evidence in the United States, (18 of these have served time on death row) and those 300 DNA exonerees have served a combined total 4,013 years in prison. I don't live in the U.S. I'm Australian and I find these figures absolutely shocking!!
I also watched an interview recently where Richard Branson (of the Virgin empire) was interviewing Bryan Stevenson of the Equal Justice Initiative there in the U.S. where Mr Branson was saying the USA doesn't have the right to impose the death penalty because their error rate is simply too high (I'm paraphrasing from memory here). Mr Stevenson stated that one in 9 people who receive the death penalty are eventually found innocent AND this number will continue to increase! Mr Stevensen also added (again, I'm paraphrasing) 'If one in 9 people died through the use of anesthesia in our hospitals - we'd stop using it... or if one in 9 planes crashed we wouldn't fly, so it makes no sense to sentence people to death with our current insufficient system'.
Aside from all that, it is a barbaric and archaic form of punishment that I believe has no place in our modern world.
I don't understand a lot of what you're saying as far as your case goes, our system works quite differently here, & we don't have the death penalty, but would it be worthwhile contacting the Innocence Project?.
I hope you get the help you need very soon. I can't imagine all you go through but I wish you all the very best!
I really enjoyed this James, so much that I read it over & over again (partly because it's school holidays here at the moment & my 2 boys don't seem to value the sounds of silence like I do haha and also partly because your words really spoke to me).
As I was reading your words I was thinking how universal they are. I think everyone, everywhere thinks like this at some stage of their lives.
Thank you so much much for sharing!
[my 8 year old just came up behind me, put his arms around my shoulders & said what are you doing? I replied "telling this person about how my children won't shut-up" He laughed loudly and left the room. I'm also told it's time to go & feed them again]
I enjoyed reading this verse. Thank you for sharing it with us. I am one small voice from society that agrees with you entirely. How uninteresting would our world be if everyone was as uninteresting as I am :)
Thank you for coloring my world and showing those of us that try our best to understand, that the world holds many and varied forms of beauty!
What a beautiful and inspiring story. Thank you so much for sharing this with us! I had no idea you had drama groups in prison but it makes perfect sense to put your time into something constructive that can entertain and inspire everyone involved, in many different ways.
To address your point of those leaving your group I would like to remind you that we all have people coming and going from our lives, it's no different out here (my best friend just moved 1000km away for work & I miss her) we just need to be thankful for the times we do have with each other and treasure the memories we will always carry with us.
Do you know if there was any media coverage (in a local newspaper maybe..?) of your performance? So often good news stories like this one get overlooked for the more sensational, headline grabbing issues, but I always look for stories such as yours. Thank you so much for sharing Raymond! I'm really glad that participating in this project has given you so much, just as I am sure all who watched your performance felt pride in their loved ones as they left that night. Your story warms my heart :)
Good points! I would add incompetence to ignorance, and other words like distraction and preoccupation, etc. Discerning another person's motivation is always a risky business! Prayer and patience are helpful. Love, Russ, Sr.
RSS
You view the world through suspicious eyes,
always questioning, and are careful about hiding the suspicion you hold of others
so,
you cover-up your natural behaviors by putting on a tough guy image, a front,
and dumb yourself down to protect your true identity.
Your perception is often different to the reality of situations and even more so with your perceptions of people because you see everything & everyone as a threat through paranoid eyes
or
you see them as weak in comparison to yourself.
"Fear within Fear"
The next stage of your paranoia is to see yourself as the enemy when you look in the mirror. But your image is empty and cannot possibly challenge you, because it is just a 2 dimensional reflection & nothing more.
It's fascinating how we try to be something we're not
we manipulate ourselves in a false image
and manipulate others to become that same image, because we're afraid of being who we truly are or allowing their authenticity to challenge our own.
If you allow someone to know the real you, you feel exposed, like you've given away the power to manipulate your weaknesses
but in reality they have no more power than the 2 dimensional reflection in the mirror. Giving away control of who you are is a false perception.
- How did I go..?
I'd like to know if this was this a little self reflection of the man you once were? or possibly who you still are, or could it be about someone else? Could it be a story of mental illness..? Of the paranoia of schizophrenia maybe. I guess you could also be describing the insight of many, many lost souls sitting in prisons and on the streets of the USA. Being an Australian I can also draw similarities to so many young Australian Aboriginal kids who seem to have lost their own identities and taken on 'American Gangster' culture in their mannerisms, the way they dress and speak. Perhaps it's a story replicated in young people's insecurities throughout the world.
I'm glad I took the time to try and understand your words. I am a very literal person so if you were being more abstract or poetic with your writing, I will have completely messed up your message. However you meant for it to be interpreted, I find your writing in this post is very deep and touching.
Thank you for sharing Thomas.
Nicki
I also watched an interview recently where Richard Branson (of the Virgin empire) was interviewing Bryan Stevenson of the Equal Justice Initiative there in the U.S. where Mr Branson was saying the USA doesn't have the right to impose the death penalty because their error rate is simply too high (I'm paraphrasing from memory here). Mr Stevenson stated that one in 9 people who receive the death penalty are eventually found innocent AND this number will continue to increase! Mr Stevensen also added (again, I'm paraphrasing) 'If one in 9 people died through the use of anesthesia in our hospitals - we'd stop using it... or if one in 9 planes crashed we wouldn't fly, so it makes no sense to sentence people to death with our current insufficient system'.
Aside from all that, it is a barbaric and archaic form of punishment that I believe has no place in our modern world.
I don't understand a lot of what you're saying as far as your case goes, our system works quite differently here, & we don't have the death penalty, but would it be worthwhile contacting the Innocence Project?.
I hope you get the help you need very soon. I can't imagine all you go through but I wish you all the very best!
Nicki
As I was reading your words I was thinking how universal they are. I think everyone, everywhere thinks like this at some stage of their lives.
Thank you so much much for sharing!
[my 8 year old just came up behind me, put his arms around my shoulders & said what are you doing? I replied "telling this person about how my children won't shut-up" He laughed loudly and left the room. I'm also told it's time to go & feed them again]
Take care!
Nicki
Thank you for coloring my world and showing those of us that try our best to understand, that the world holds many and varied forms of beauty!
Nicki
To address your point of those leaving your group I would like to remind you that we all have people coming and going from our lives, it's no different out here (my best friend just moved 1000km away for work & I miss her) we just need to be thankful for the times we do have with each other and treasure the memories we will always carry with us.
Do you know if there was any media coverage (in a local newspaper maybe..?) of your performance? So often good news stories like this one get overlooked for the more sensational, headline grabbing issues, but I always look for stories such as yours. Thank you so much for sharing Raymond! I'm really glad that participating in this project has given you so much, just as I am sure all who watched your performance felt pride in their loved ones as they left that night. Your story warms my heart :)
Nicki
Prayer and patience are helpful.
Love,
Russ, Sr.