Hello, Christopher. I also watched the MSNBC program you were featured in. I must say, it surprised to learn that anyone thinks you are a dangerous person. You struck me as friendly and polite and thoughtful. The prison system is so odd in the way that it decides who is "too dangerous" to be in general population. Hang in there, Brother. I am impressed by your spirit and intellect, despite the beast's attempts to put out both.
I was especially interested in what you said about Frankenstein, that the prison system is Frankenstein and it creates monsters. A lot of scholars have sympathized with Frankenstein's monster throughout literary history, and I think you're on to something. Keep writing. You have a gift, and we who have access to your insights are priveleged.
Is that NUVO in that one photo?? Oh nevermind, haha I know it is!! I keep that in my bar I have for when visitors come over for the Holidays, etc and one year everyone went on and on about how they hated to open it because it was so "beautiful" LOL I agree, I dont know anybody who can walk down the Liquor Barn aisles and not have their eye drawn to that big pink drink with the neat cap on top thats all shiny and silver! (smile) I cant believe thats in your photo haha thats the best!! Other than your photo, Ive always been the ONLY person who has it at my house/the only reason anyone else ever gets introduced to it- theyve never heard of it down here in this small town and in the city where my ex works at a liquor store its everywhere and usually out of stock within a week or two at that. (smile) I also love the photo because of the truck, cos Ive always said if I ever manage to get a truck (only thing holding me back the past few yrs has been the sometimes over 3.50/gallon fuel!) that it would be about like that one. Okay that is def one of my fave photos of you. (smile) You look good wearing black and the cross necklace too, and also the pic of you in the suit, one of the last ones is gorgeous. Another favorite is the New York 1788 and the other one taken where you are wearing the same thing only leaning against the wall where there is an old skool car painted as a background that looks so bad a$$, you look good there too (smile) you are very photogenic, wow! The one of you in the red jacket with the watch background is great too, another favorite. You are def able to style in the red (like that jacket), white (tees or anything white), and black (such as that Nuvo pic of you holding it out and wearing the black shirt with silver cross as a necklace)- so white and black shirts you can OWN them AND the color red when you wear them and red is hard to look good on people so feel special (smile) and especially that GORGEOUS PIC in the silver/white looking suit top in that one photo on the last page, not many guys I know can wear a suit even close to that color and pull it off! I def gotta print the Nuvo pic out though for my photo album!! (smile) That just hits too close to home plus I need a pic of you to go in there anyway and that would be perfect, my Mom is gonna smile when she sees that pic the next time shes flipping thru my album(s) cos she remembers me buying the Nuvo and she loved it actually. She was encouraging the Christmas party crowd over here that yes, the bottle is beautiful before its opened and drank, but the drink is even better HAHA. Much luv, C.C.
It's OK. I just figured you got caught up in the hectic prison life. I'm ready to get out of the center and get my own place but it's kind of hard because I have to pay rent at my new place and the center at the same time so it comes out to 800 dollars a month. Basically it feels like they don't want us to make it out here. At least you got my one letter but it's a shame that you didn't get the other three. I guess I will just have to keep up with you on this blog until I get my own place and then you can write me directly there. Anyway, when I get my new address I will let you know and you can write me there, then we will be able to correspond more privately. Be good, keep your head up and stay safe. luv ya.
As far as the future goals, which ones are the most immediate to you when you think about it? Are there any resources that you know of at the moment that would allow you to start getting info on any of them NOW? If you had to list them in categories of 1st Thing(s) To Start On ASAP and then 2nd thing(s) to work on/make happen, etc....how would it go? As in looking at them from importance? Ill respond more about this post in my next letter so that this response wont be too long. Haha. Seriously, cos theres alot to say about the list you wrote that I can advise on in at least some way that will be helpful! And I am glad to be helpful at something! (smile) Ill also see what else I can send your way/figure out for you in addition to what Ive already thought up from my own past or advice from others who have been there more than once themselves in my family! To be honest, their biggest obstacle is usually the place to live as our fam is not that large and we are so scattered throughout the state and other states nearby. Public transporation may be used until you figure out a better way for that one. (I have ideas on that too- and will elaborate in a letter) College grants and high scores on the SAT or ACT entry exam(s) can pay for college for you, and I learned alot during my time going about how to afford the other essentials. Ive got you covered on advice about that for SURE. Phone- got you covered, will explain in 2nd letter or soon. Clothing- got several options on that as well, and since you have some time to work with here you can make all of this happen just in time, looking at it from even a laid back take it easy perspective which is good news, huh? So dont stress! You will be surprised what you can make happen in the next few years, and proud of yourself for caring enough TO DO IT AHEAD OF TIME TOO! Im proud of you for that more than ever, you have no idea. Youve no idea how important that is, that you WANT to care NOW. Some of these things can even be STARTED ON now, and the others can at least be looked into and decisions start being made, etc. I think youll have to decide first of all WHERE you think youll end up living when you get out, such as in Wisconsin or not. The state matters when it comes to the info I find for you. Plus, as long as you DONT return to where the crazy times went down you can avoid being around the wrong crowd. Trust me, youll be much too busy and happy with your new life to think of that. You will see. I promise. And I dont make many promises lightheartedly to friends either!! (smile) Keep hangin in there, I truly believe the outlook for the future equals very good for you! No joke and not just being kind/nice either. Its true. Ive heard way too many people say IF ONLY ID WORRIED/THOUGHT ABOUT THIS A YEAR AGO INSTEAD OF A MONTH BEFOREHAND ETC ETC ETC way too much so I know you are gonna get by just fine! Ill advise with all that I possibly can and dont be afraid to ask for HELP!! -CC
I get where you are coming from when you say that each time you StOP worrying about the future, you fear messing it up and dont want to chance that so you keep it on the front line. You fear being too over-confident because when we are over-confident we can overlook many things coming our way like a freight train full speed that we mistake for a light at the end of yet another tunnel we pass through in life. Your concerns are sound, and show responsibility ahead of time which is a good sign because I rarely see it in people. I see last minute/cant do it/give up and say screw it more often actually. And I have never seen anyone contemplate ahead of time so realize its a good thing to look ahead, as long as you dont over-dwell on it until you are fearing the future itself. I plan on sending you some information about getting things back together once you are out, I know it may ease your mind to know that it can be done and has been done by many. The few I mention above with the give up attitudes did not have the spirit that you do. Trust me. They also just went with the flow not caring where it took them, then wanted to complain when it carried them to a negative place. Also, I hope that even though I am the same way (here, have my advice- Im not using it haha) that you will learn that there is nothing BAD about asking for help. Its not an issue of pride completely, only an issue of pride within ourselves. You are in a tough situation and your concern for never repeating these circumstances speaks volumes about your character, as Ive mentioned along with many other aspects of how you think. Id much rather swallow my pride and ask for and accept help than I would drop my head and endure another mistake on down the road, all because I chose to blame pride rather than seek positive answers/assistance but instead chose to go the route of illegal ways to take the issue into my own hands, by myself. If that makes sense. Ive been there, along with many people I know or have known in the past, and if many of them had ever just stopped to let me know that they were struggling or felt that their "good times" were going to soon end due to their actions (and the mistake of ever becoming too greedy once they got life going mainly) maybe they never would have had to do what they did to get by, or end up where they ended up (down)- because theyd have had my support from one friend to another, regardless of the fact that we no longer lived on the same dark end of the street anymore, and theyd have had my support wholeheartedly without judgment and entirely 110 percent through and through. Until they found a better way. Keep your head up, better times are ahead, because you have came this far looking ahead instead of looking down! -C.C.
If I look back at just the past decade, things have changed (for those like me who sit back noticing everything goin down around them, literally!) so so much. That is the first thought that came to mind when you reminded readers that right now, especially, take time to love one another more than ever. You must overlook the snide remarks and cruel things you hear in that place of dark souls, because in order to get by many people have given up their hearts in order to simply not feel and be cold inside. I addressed that in my letter as well. Ive personally dealt with making that mistake, although I was more cold hearted toward my own self than ever to others. I just wanted to be left alone, but never went out of my way to make jokes about horrific circumstances like mass shootings etc. I agree with you when you say the place you must dwell is a dark one, in many more ways than one I believe. Please realize how important it is, and what it says about you and who you are, that you find this repulsive when you see their cruel behavior/remarks being said as jokes. Hold onto that, which I dont think will be a problem from what I have saw just thus far, because you have managed to not shut down and become too hardened inside to care about your surroundings- even if they are going on on the outside as well because this world can be pretty crazy out here, and it does not get any better with time it seems. During my lifetime I have seen so much change about how people interact, some have improved while other aspects went right downhill and were totally forgotten. It seems the good things out here do not stay "in peoples minds" for long like they probably should. By the time problems/issues and possible answers are even addressed, they are long forgotten by the public more and more. That is, if the public even knew about them to start with. I could tell you many things and even send you books on topics that occured right here in the U.S. half of which while we were growing up or were teenagers ourselves, that nobody hardly even knows of because its so rarely talked about. But in order to come up with a solution it needs to be talked about. I agree with you and send best wishes, kind thoughts and much love to the people in Colorado as they find ways to deal with and internalize this tragedy, especially for the families of the victims and the survivors as well. Always, C.C. <3
Marcus- I will try and get a chance to look into the reviews on that book, see what all the readers are saying about it. Ill keep this ramblin' short since I already mentioned books in my long letter on its way to you also. (smile) Much Luv, take care! -CC
Since you've given me permission to freely "ramble" all I wish (smile) then ramble I shall do haha! Which I am sure you have seen by now. I do have my times where I dont do alot of writing at once but lately its not been that way, it kinda goes back and forth I guess. Id say not having written anything personal to anyone except through email and having always enjoyed having penpals in the past has something to do with it. I have had pen pals from around the world since I was 10 yrs old and my fam let me put an ad in a pre-teen celebrity lover magazine (haha- smile) called Tiger Beat. LOL. I did not think it would get published, but all of a sudden about a month and a half later, we started receiving all this mail in the box for me from other states, Australia, the UK, New Zealand, the Phillippines, etc. I was like, WoW! I kept in touch with some of these pen friends until we were adults, and even though Id say communication between at least 8 out of 10 left over from the early 1990s pen pal ad (smile) kinda tapered off when one of us went off to college/university or got married (some big change in one of our lives, whichever kind that may be but for me it was college and the year 2001 was insane) But then the internet got big, and soon by around mid-2000s, I could find anybody on it. Ive since looked up my old friend Nika from the Phillipines after almost 8 yrs of no contact, my very good friend Kath from New South wales, Australia who Ive kept in touch with the most (we sent christmas packages each year and have never missed a year since she responded to my penpal ad in 1994, even when it was too busy/crazy in our lives to write starting around late 1999, early 2000, weve sent holiday packages for now over a period of 18 long yrs!) and also found several from the other states here in the US as well. (smile) I even had a pen pal in WI from KauKauna? Do you know where that is? We wrote from 1994-1998 as well. OK gonna hit reply and send some more ramblin' your way! You asked for it, haha- (smile) Take care! -CC
Hey Marcus, whats happenin? I happened to ask you in my long letter about your novel(s) and if you had been working on them much, Im glad to know you have gotten Part One completed. I also mentioned a few ideas for them in my letter to you, see what you think, about what you plan to do. I just got on here today (BTBs website) Aug 18th its about 6:54 am and Ive been awake for a few hours just bored and wasting time. I figured dropping you a reply to any of your latest blogs since it will be printed/mailed to you by Monday Aug 20th (yay! you are gonna be overloaded with mail lol- smile) would be better than just wastin time around the house before the sun even came up. And of course, I enjoy each entry you write on here. <3 <---a heart sideways (smile) What is so funny is how I had not came back here and read this entry by you, but yet wrote in my letter about quite a few issues you mentioned in your post. Youll see. Keep responding through my postal address and if you respond via BTB's site from Aug 26- last day of August then Ill receive each one of them via email....Instead of waiting to read my mail/get caught up when back home. Since I leave on the 25th/return between the 1st and 2nd of September, Id say anytime after the 26th if you mail something you really want me to see during that time, then you can if you want to, simply respond on here even though Ill be keeping in touch with you thru mail as usual with my letters (smile- long too haha) anyway. Its just a second option if you wanna reach me and have me read it that second on my netbook! Otherwise, mail as much as you want to the house Ill get it when I return, that is fine too! My birthday is the 1st and I thought there would be no better gift for me that a much needed break from everything around here, and I intend on using that 5-7days to think of alot of things, clear my thoughts, free my mind regarding so much clutter goin on up there, and all of that. I really want to come back feeling alot of weight lifted off of my shoulders and come to terms with alot of issues that I have been putting on the back burner for way too long, way way too long! <3 Much Luv and if you ever need me to type anything let me know, I have the time. <3 Other than that, my letter mentions the other issues in your post here I believe. (smile) How much is it for you to get a typewriter there or are you able to? I know when my Uncle was down we had to pay over 125 bucks for the smallest TV set you could imagine, in black and white, and it was a see-through one so nobody could alter it. (smile) He came home and brought it with him, still has it to this day, its the one thing he didnt leave for one of his friends there when he got free. He says because the small amount of fam he (and I) do have showed so much love in putting that money together to get it for him and it made time so much easier to do. -C.C.
I'm sure I speak for MANY of the readers here when I say that we thank YOU as well for sharing your thoughts from the inside, of how things are along with how different life is in such a place. There is so much that people do not know about where you are, and Im glad that I found this site because I find that it helps educate people the most on that- because it comes straight from those who are there enduring it, doing their time, trying to keep their minds in check too. You are right about those who do read, and only respond here and there. That is common at many blogsites. At least at this one there is always something new to be expected, where on others sometimes there are weeks/months in between updates being posted. (Thanks to BTB for that, even though I only came across this site around a month ago I have read over 350 plus pages and found it to be quite unique compared to so many others I had been reading). And of course, I found the blog of Marcus which I am thankful for, as we are both able to add a little light to one anothers lives when the darkness becomes a tad bit too much to take at times. (smile) I have mailed both your letters/photos Marcus they are officially on their way as of yesterday Aug 17, 2012. I hope you like them for now, and know the others will follow soon before I leave for around a week between the 25th until around Sept 2nd or so. Ill still be sending you some mail along with some postcards during my travels though, since I am always wishing you the best each day. Im also going to leave your photos (2 other sets, etc) ready to go out if they have not been sent by then (I dont see why they should not be by the 25th though but life is crazy and unexpectant like that!) and even if they have gotten to you by the 25th of August, all three sets of them, Ill make sure to put some more together to be mailed to you by my fam while I am away plus will send a postcard from each state I drive through on the way to my destination if possible. :) (smile) Take care and I look forward to you receiving my long awaited letter (11 pages haha) and ton of photos that I still have more of to send! Much Luv, Always! -C.C.
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I was especially interested in what you said about Frankenstein, that the prison system is Frankenstein and it creates monsters. A lot of scholars have sympathized with Frankenstein's monster throughout literary history, and I think you're on to something. Keep writing. You have a gift, and we who have access to your insights are priveleged.
Solidarity,
jes.