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Ive had plenty of people throughout my life get upset rooming with me because of the fan situation but I cannot sleep without some sort of "white noise" as they call it, cos like you said it is calming and puts me to sleep. However, if the person who dislikes it thinks I will fall asleep and then they can yank the plug without me waking, they are sadly mistaken because Ill snap awake that very second cos its the only thing keeping me falling deeper into a better sleep (haha). Ive had fans, air conditioners, sleep sound machines that make sounds of the ocean waves etc, all throughout my life. If I DONT have a form of white noise Ill literally keep waking up all night easily distracted unless I put in a pair of EAR PLUGS that I carry when I travel. (haha seriously I do this when no access to fan etc) Cos Id rather have the humming sound of nothing than the disruptive sound of everything at any second, bursting through my zone and waking me from my hard to even reach sleep. I had a sleep study done at a neurological hospital in 2004 and they said I never even come close to the full stage of REM or the final stage of fully being asleep so this is probably why. Otherwise, said roommate COULD get away with pulling the plug on my white noise maker or fan ONCE I FELL ASLEEP and Id never wake up cursing them out. (haha) I am the poster child for sleeping rituals and also have to have it totally dark. The ONLY form of light that DOES NOT annoy me or keep me awake and actually calms me (get this haha) is a damn christmas tree! Im not playing! I have a 3-4ft one in my bedroom during Holidayz and it doesnt bug me, yet any other form of light would/does. I also wear a sleep mask especially when I travel because oh my God, HOTELS ARE THE WORST NO MATTER HOW EXPENSIVE THEY ARE WHEN IT COMES TO BEING ABLE TO SLEEP WELL AND STILL CARRY OUT YOUR USUAL BEDTIME RITUALS HAHA for real! People have also gotten very annoyed (VERY) with me before because Im unable to even attempt falling asleep with a television on. LOL I just cant stand it, it messes with my eyes and drives me insane yet they seem to calm themselves by using it the way Id use my fan or white noise sound machine. Yet the same person who can fall asleep to the sound of RAMBO FIRST BLOOD PART TWO cannot STAND the sound of my little ocean wave machine? Or a little fan? (haha its what they always said anyway!) But Im sorry, not even earplugs AND a sleep mask can help me ignore a tv!! And some people have to have it!

I have to say with smiling, and if not smiling, at least looking pleasant instead of miserable or mean/hateful (haha) cos sure, some people may not wanna seem HAPPY in prison but do they wanna seem ANGRY on the other hand?? If I saw relatives photos all looking angry or p'd off Id worry that things were really gettin to them in there and they were not doin so well. However, I say meet the problem in the middle and those who dont wanna appear to be pleased and happy with being in prison that dont wanna smile then at least look pleasant, or just look yourself. Dont try too hard, dont overdo the tough look, let it come natural. Your photos are a good example, seriously: because you can take some smiling, some laid back, some like you are thinking, some that look as if you are just chillin, some that look like you have the situation under control but yet can still tell you have a heart under all the muscle, its good to also mix it up a bit. Just dont look MEAN and should be just fine, anything other than mean is great- (haha) whether its all the way smiling, grinnin, looking pleasant, or just being yourself. Cos no matter what, you want your pics to represent you cos they are OF you. Actually, on another thought, its not a bad thing to smile in a prison photo because it makes those who see it worry less that you arent doing well there. It shows you can keep your head up in bad situations, etc. However if I had to give just one answer: Id go with making everyone happy about the photo question by saying JUST BE PLEASANT FACED AND THATS IT, itll do the job trust me!! It doesnt necessarily have to be one extreme or the other. I dont think. (smile) Hope you enjoy all of this mail! Much love, CC

When it comes to dating, Ive never ever thought about it. Ive dated men shorter than I am, much taller than I am, and even my height almost eye to eye and it never crossed my mind when it came to meeting them/getting to know them. As for me, Im about average height but Im alot like you- have never thought much about it. Id go shopping with friends before and theyd be trying to find shoes that "will make you look taller!" even though they were all either less than an inch taller or shorter than I was/am and Ive never worried about it- when it comes to me nor when it comes to a potential partner. Seriously. But Ive met (and know) MANY people who obsess over it like a disease (haha really, its all they rant about!) thats wrong with them, and the majority of them are women friends of mine from previous jobs or college who HATED "being under 5'3" at least. One of my best friends through my entire life is only 4'11" and she never complained about it, yet another best friend since school is close to 5'9" and fusses about being TOO tall. so for some, there is NO happy medium I guess. (haha) I guess Ive never thought about it because for women, we go by our build also. According to my friend I have long legs so even though we are both the same height, I have longer legs than she does so it sucks. So Im leaning toward it having to do with how well a person is proportioned as well. But then again, like I said, my BFF since childhood is only 4'11" if that and shes never ever mentioned it. Shes happy and comfortable in the clothes she wears/buys and confident in herself one hundred percent. Yet to some, like my 5'9" friend from school, this is too short, this is too tall, I wish I had your legs and Id give you my this or that, haha, yes these are some of the raves and rants ladies have between themselves sometimes. I just nod and smile, agreeing. -CC

Ive never been out West to CA before, but Ive traveled the East Coast since 2001 often. Ive been in Atlanta, GA....Ft Myers, FL.... Naples, FL.... Marco Island, FL.... Doraville, GA outside of ATL....Many cities around Alabama including Gulf Shores Beach.... Virginia Beach, VA for Spring Break 2004.... way too many cities in Tennessee since I was very young.... Flint, MI.... Detroit, MI.... Ann Arbor, MI.... all through the state of Indiana (even worked there in Jeffersonville and Clarksville for years).... couple of places in West Virginia.... Miami, FLA too.... Myrtle Beach, South Carolina..... Cherokee, NC.... Chicago, IL.... Maryland.... Id have to make a list that would prob take up 2 notebook pages of cities Ive stayed in, traveled to, lived in, worked at, etc since the year 2001 especially. The list goes on (smile) I was a road tripper, crazy about it, and even in groups would do the 22.5 hr drives to the end of Florida from here where I am driving the entire time, never giving any of them a chance (smile) and only stopping to eat and use the bathroom upon request of course. I should have been a truck driver OTR and traveled the whole USA. (smile)

I do not blame you for not wanting to stay in WI considering the majority of your time has been spent while being down in that state. I hope that your aunt keeps you updated on the possibility of you returning to Cali to live, since she has offered you a place. If I can pass on one bit of knowledge to anybody that I have had to learn the hard way, its this: Do not live somewhere or even attempt to live somewhere where you already know or feel will not work out. WI has not been a positive experience for you, and its not ever going to feel like HOME so far away from where you were raised/spent alot of years etc. I know you mentioned in one of your blogs awhile back that New York felt like home in a way, but being born in Cali and having fam there is a good thing. Having a place to stay with a family member is a good thing. And so is being able to start totally over, which I have no doubt that you will succeed at in more ways than you suspect you are capable of! -CC

Did you ever know you were capable of such great writing before you were locked up? Often times we dont know what we are capable of until the odds are against us and we are facing hardship and the best of us appears. (smile) Thank you for sharing the beauty. -CC

Perfect and beautiful, just as the other that I read enclosed with your letter. When I read this, it takes me many places in my heart soul and mind which is a nice little vacation while it lasts. (smile) You write beautifully and so much of your poetry amazes me, mainly because it manages to SPEAK to me which rarely does any other poetry people write manage to do. Ive never been able to respond to others poems, and I do mean never. I could write them, but I couldnt FEEL the ones coming from other writers even in school. I guess I also love how you can take a simple THOUGHT, and turn it into several lovely defined ways of describing that thought until finally it makes sense on more than just one level to the person reading it. whether they relate to it or not, its there and its deep. Much love, always! -CC

I could not have explained it better myself, to those who think prisoners should not have the use of a telephone (!!) and be out of touch with their loved ones the entire time. I dont understand that, because being down itself IS the punishment alone, you are not there for more punishment. Some states are worse than some others, Ive noticed. I wont say which ones but some have rules that simply make no (common) sense and seem just downright an easy way to be cruel and force the issue that you dont deserve this or that. The county jail in one of my towns will only let you call one phone number, one try, sorry if they do not answer, sorry if they try to call back a second later, etc and that number has to be FROM THAT VERY CITY. Not any other. And there are no other options available. Other than writing letters after waiting the 2-3 weeks for them to process your information and allow you access to the canteen to buy items like stamps and envelopes etc. Now, one county away from here, they have been for 2 yrs or so allowing people in that larger jail to buy prepaid phone cards (they used to be able to call collect there too, not sure if they still can but this jail in this town does not even allow that option!) But the prepaid phone cards still are badly overpriced like mad. And its not as if I can go to the local Islamic Market where they sell the cheap international rate phone cards and get one there for about a $20 difference on the same amount of time, because the ones that they are allowed to USE are ONLY the ones sold in the larger jail's own store. No others can be sent in, only bought there from them. And these are just how the jails around here work, much less the prisons in my state which I can imagine are much more crazy than what I know of them. (we have so many, for one, but that doesnt surprise me considering they have always talked about how prisons make more money so they are closing down schools and building more correctional complexes not to mention the private prisons who moved in also, I think they own at least 3 of ours here) Its really unfair and causes quite a bit of emotional upset, especially to relatives of those who are down that dont have the option of writing letters like older great grandmothers and such just not understanding why their grandson doesnt call anymore and has forgotten them. Its sad.

P.S. One more thing- that I was supposed to add to your photos post about the NUVO Sparkling Liqueur pic (smile)....did you know they have released a new flavor and are about to release 2 other new ones also? The bright pink served over ice is the original, the one I have had and was talking about earlier. Now they have a bright yellow that comes in the same three sizes (200 up to 750 mL) as the pink does only its called Lemon Sorbet. Its supposed to be great, Ive heard some good things and will see when I get back to the city if there is any at the store. The other 2 flavors coming anytime now are, get this, Peach Cobbler and then also RED VELVET CAKE!! Now that sounds just great, red velvet cake yes! Thats one Im actually waiting to just try even if it doesnt end up being a favorite, its a gotta give a shot, for sure!!

Ive actually seen many (once successful at the start) businesses collapse all because the owner/bosses/managers etc were not good at communicating their ideas, how they felt, their concerns and issues, etc. None of them were good at it, so they just didnt try. The employees became frustrated quickly and said it was like you were expected each day to read your bosses mind or he'd act p'd off at you. I know what they mean, but at least when I was experiencing that my boss was most likely having a bad day, bad half a day, bad hour, whatever.....if I had to have a boss or work for a company owned by someone who not only expected me to be psychic but got easily angered when I could not be, that would suck! But thats been a problem at offices before especially office jobs, and also even worse in the field of telemarketing. Lately, alot of people in the small town Im from have been complaining about the phone company AT&T's support line which they all work at, if a user of an AT&T phone has a problem or question with the product their calls come right here to the call center, where one of the workers helps them through what to do. Imagine trying to do that job, with an annoyed customer whose IPhone wont function correctly on the other line, when you have a boss or someone above you professionally who not only fails to but refuses to try and communicate clearly or at all. The only MIND READING I can do is this: I would for sure lose my mind tolerating a job like that within just 2-4 weeks, and Ive worked at some hard impossible places meanwhile while working a second side job as well at the UPS AIRHUB loading airplanes at the Intl City Airport....it was the USA's only Airhub for UPS and it was so busy each shift. Crazy busy sorting, scanning and loading the planes. Yet at least it was too loud to talk there so there was no need for communication as there is with office type jobs (haha) and such, other than the occasional hand gesture from across the way to another line. I miss that place at times!!

I thought of my father when I saw the title of this post, From The Street Corner to the Corner Office. Because thats literally him. (smile) No joke, that is him. He was only 18 when I was born and my mother was only 17 at the time, still in high school a year under him and he had already graduated in 1982. She graduated in 1983 in late May/early August and had me in September, and nobody ever knew or believed she was pregnant! (haha seriously) As a joke, I sometimes tell people that know me or my family well enough that I technically graduated from high school TWICE in that case. ;) But Dad had to grow up fast, and he spent until the 90s hit on the street corner and working small time jobs here and there sleeping maybe just 4 hrs a day, and then got lucky with a job offer due to his charisma dealing with sales and managing others in an effective manner when it came to the steel processing industry, he was able to handle both and went from, literally, the street corner to the corner office within 10 yrs or less. He often doesnt even give himself any credit so Ill do so for him from time to time. Hes the only one in the family (his side of the family) among his remaining siblings that ever truly earned their place in the workforce and truly worked hard/earned every penny they made on their paychecks. The blood sweat and tears he had to put into that at such a young age (In 1992, I was 9 yrs old so in 92, he would have still been pretty young for such a job, lets see, only 27-28 yrs old depending on the month! Thats just a bit younger than I am now, and he was only a high school graduate who took 1 or 2 business classes at the local community college). If he would share his story (and had shared his story more back in the day when I was a kid to friends of mine around the neighborhood in the city, etc) it would be amazing. Because even though he had always been the one out of his brothers/sisters that got out daily and did ANYTHING he could for money/a side job whether it was mowing yards, shoveling snow, landscaping, pulling weeds, washing a neighbors car, delivering newspapers, weed eating for neighbors, going grocery shopping at the corner store up the street in the neighborhood where he and his brothers were raised for the older couples on the street, etc etc the list goes on and on of things this man did even as a kid barely being 6-7 yrs old when he began to understand that there was nobody able to take care of him better than himself so hed best do it... which he did, and has continued to do, all of his life and still does to this day. I truly doubt he will ever retire and if he is forced to (lol) Im sure he will get a job again even as a 100 yr old man as a Wal Mart greeter. He even mentioned that himself years ago, he would never stop working because its not something he knows how to even do. Thats true. without work to do, he is lost.