P.S. Know and please do not underestimate (or I doubt Id be making such a big deal of it haha seriously!) the fact that you are appreciated for (being rare and doing what is so hard to find these days which is....) choosing on your own time to try and bring calm kind peace to others as you have for me today only halfway thru my day, at 1:22 pm. So please, always remember: You are also cared about too and always to take care of YOU as well! Thanks so so much, and please dont forget that you have passed on some positivity in a world where it is majorly lacking and growing more sparse daily out here (sadly so), so thanks times 100, XRAY, for your blog post- the 1 Corinthians verse, picture, and mostly of all your encouraging words at such a badly needed time on my end recently. Cos I needed it and was tired of pretending to be strong. I needed to admit that I was falling victim to the negative side because it seems to be winning and making those like I miserable at the same time. Now I want to re-think that and consider it entirely differently. Knowing that there are others like you, XRAY, who think as I do even under hard times and rough circumstances encourages me as well. So please just know that in return for your kindness you have shown through this one blog post, that I will always wish you the very best as well. Keep up the positive vibes, keep them coming for those that need them, because you are helping more than you know and I felt that you deserved the feedback necessary so youd hear that from one of your readers. Take care and much love, sorry for the long reply! -Once Again, C.C. (Aug 19)
Thank you for lifting my spirits up when I happened to truly need it by putting this on your blog. I am going though one of those times in life when too much is happening at once, and I dont know whether Im coming or going half of the time. Seeing your positive message and reinforcement to my sometimes stubborn mind that I am not alone when I feel that I am suffering, or that nobody cares, really meant alot to me and I wanted you to know through this reply. Thank you so much, for on the outside world there is not too much positivity being spread around between human beings lately which is so sad. I can only hope I have not gotten to the point where it has now negatively affected me after years of looking past it and not letting it change my whole demeanor forever. Since my biggest fear is letting negative vibes that are currently spreading like wildfire throughout the USA especially past 10-12 years Ive noticed, change who I am because if that happens, I will make up part of the negative crowd and the positive ones will become even more rare than we already have done! (smile) SO.... Thanks, you encouraging me to look from other directions and viewpoints, despite this tough time. With one piece of paper you managed to change my entire day and outlook at once. I just wanted to let you know that you can always brighten the lives of your readers even if you dont always find out that you did so. I figured Id let you know personally via this blog! Take care and never change the way you are, and I will do my best to stay strong and encouraged by the fact that I am cared about by someone higher than I am who knows what all of this is happening for even though I do not yet know the bigger reasons behind any of it. (smile) I guess at times we can wander astray from our own minds and who we are and who we have been for many years (almost 30 for me now) and forget why we even try. But I refuse to change my ways, even if I am going to be a bit more selective in who I show kindness to and not be naive in such a backwards world. I hate to see such negativity "winning" out here but sadly, it seems to be. (sad face) You have managed to be a bright spot in my day today when I havent had a bright spot hit me in the eyes since the month of May on the 15th when all of this both ended and began for me. Keep me in your prayers and send peace of mind to me as I try and make wise decisions regarding the things Im enduring. I would really appreciate that, and Ill keep you in my best of wishes, kind thoughts, prayers and send kind blessings your way each morning and night as well. Much Luv, C.C.
Hello again Jenn! I mentioned in my earlier reply about if you had had any issues with hormone(s) or problems adjusting, etc. This blog clears it up for me and I was wondering if I may write you personally for some much needed advice?? I spent almost 28 yrs as a total mess once puberty hit, and my mother and grandmother BOTH had issues with too much testosterone and not enough estrogen, so when they were finally evened out one of them ended up with hormone fed cancer. I know I am at risk for this myself already, but I can no longer deny myself the freedom I deserve in this crazy world and just want to be happy. I am on two very strong medications- one is a form of estrogen and the other intensifies it for the first six months that you take it, then you HAVE to taper off, its that strong and dangerous. I never knew all of this would be so hard to become used to, physically and mentally going through such changes that thankfully are gradually starting to decrease as the months pass by. The rest I would like to possibly write you about, if you would not mind sharing with me your pros/cons of taking estrogen. For me, someone who never knew they were lacking it so badly, its almost a brand new thing for me to experience like being a new person who doesnt hate who they are anymore and truly can FEEL for themselves and others after years of turning cold on the inside due to being misunderstood. I have also been misdiagnosed countless times before and after puberty and will never forgive the doctor(s) and endocronologist who diagnosed me not by a battery of testing and checking levels but simply by saying that since my blood showed insulin resistance, I must have ovarian issues. (??) She diagnosed me with a serious disease at a young age just by looking at me and a diabetes related blood test which within 2-3 yrs later no longer tested as insulin resistant once I lost 30-40 lbs. Perhaps I did have ovarian issues, but not the kind she made my family believe I had so for years I receive the OPPOSITE kind of treatment medically than I should have been getting! It has been one wild ride since age 14 for sure! Just getting people to listen to me and understand was the toughest ever. I need all the advice I can get from not only friends of mine but ANYONE who understands what undergoing hormone therapy or estrogen is truly like. Once again, stay strong and never change! You radiate true beauty and happiness from your true self! Much Luv, CC
I cannot imagine what you face in such a place where you are right, you do not belong! Why transexual females stuck in a mans body (even though they change that body issue!) are still being always treated any different than "other females" is beyond my right mind and common sense/understanding- would they put a natural born female who came out right from the start AS A FEMALE from birth (!!) in a prison shower full of men and tell them to show their body off to make it even worse?? I want you to know this REALITY CHECK really spoke to me in so many ways, and I felt for you and at the same time I felt WITH you. There will always be those who want to bring us down and refuse to understand. Who knows how long people will have to fight to truly be themselves in this FREE world?? You are right about so many things, not only is a severe reality check much needed among those who choose to shut their eyes to who others truly are inside AND out, despite what THEY think they see and nothing beyond that?? One day maybe they shall finally open their eyes to all of the lies, as your beautiful words state so clearly. I know its easy to feel alone when you are struggling, its human and a natural emotion/feeling, because you feel you have no one there to comfort you when you need it the most. As you even said, you are in the midst of a world where you dont belong and where honestly I would be livid myself just as you were/are! However, please never stop fighting for the sisters out there that you so kindly mentioned, and know that no matter how alone it can get and how alone it can at times feel in there surrounded by males and uncaring individuals etc, know that your sisters are fighting for you BACK as well! I promise you that! Much Love CC
Jenni- I can tell from your photo that you are happy, its easy to see from the radiance in your eyes and smile! Its always a relief when we finally find our true selves in this crazy world. sometimes it takes a long time but its such a relief when we finally do. I am glad to hear you are happier, you deserve to be and please know that you are truly beautiful! And when we are honestly happy inside AND out, we are even more beautiful! (smile) Please take care of yourself, and know I am reading your posts. Do you know alot about hormone issues, imbalances, having too much of the wrong one and going un-noticed all of your life, etc? Im experiencing some hormonal issues right now even though I am not yet even a 29 yr old female! Well I will be in a week or two, so lets say not yet 30- haha! (smile) I am really struggling on the new medication and wanted to know if you had gone that route yourself yet, and if so, what helped you adjust to some of the truly unpleasant side effects that take place during the first 3-6 mos especially. The 1st month I barely survived and thought of just giving up and being miserable for the rest of my life, but I knew Id spent too much time being that way and it was time to change everything now that I had the power to do so! So you can only imagine how much I admire sistahs like you! Much love from the East Coast, Candi aka CC
Just wanted to let you know one last thing: I am really glad I found this post again and was able to send you a package of stuff, Im so glad for that website cos you have no idea how many states LIKE MINE have no options like that for relatives/loved ones down. So please know that it made me happy and truly made me feel good to send you a few of the items off of your list of stuff you needed back earlier this year, and thank God you listed the item numbers too! -smile-
-I also found a photo album that I THINK was the correct one, but wanted to be sure first cos it didnt list a FULL item # on the online website catalog (their mistake, happens alot when doing online web shopping trust me lol). It was the cheapest compared to the other 2 picture albums listed along with it (only had 3 on the site to pick from total) and looked really durable from the front cover/listed its size/dimensions but not number of pages or photos that it held, etc? Sound right?
-Just want to order what you need the most AND even something youd maybe LIKE to have just for the heck of it too. Just like a want that youd enjoy to pass the time. They had alot of other "games" listed such as dominoes and others in the section where I found the Jumbo playing cards. I wish I could have sent more than 1 set of them, cos I had originally meant to at least send 2 as your list said you needed 3 decks of them. I messed up on the quantity and it immediately assumed ONE.
-I have not checked out the book and magazine website that you listed along with this one for sending packages with essentials & such... but I will check it out tonight before bed and see whats up but wont order anything until I find out from you (like with many other items -smile- just being sure!): If you have already gotten or read one of the books listed, ordered/subscribed to one of the magazines listed already for the year?
-Also, any new things you want to add onto your lists for both websites? Please let me know. As I said before, many months has went by since you posted this so I am going out on a limb here and sending stuff without checking first but I feel its allright as it hasnt been THAT long since you originally expected to receive any items as gifts for your bday in May. So thats not too bad! :)
**Please write me and let me know: if your list needs to be updated in any way, added to with items you have since came to need badly or just would like to have (it never hurts to ask as you can now see hopefully! -smile-) and also if you have any extra books or ANY other new mags youd love 2receive now also?
-Adidas socks- do you want crew socks, ankle socks, or the other kind? I wanna make sure even though the number matched up to crew socks I think. -Du Rag- I could only find one and thats it, and I dont think the number matched up. Does that matter? Im thinking it only came in one color as well but may have been the packaging it was in & I wasnt seeing right! -Adidas floaters/sandals- couldnt find the right numbers to make sure the ones you wanted were still available on both kinds, and as for the 2nd ones the closest to the Adidas sandals were about 2 numbers off from the item number on your list, and they have an adjustable strap running across the top. -Wool Gloves- Im sure it gets cold up there and after this month it wont be any warmer, I dont know if they were out of stock or just not listed right now but maybe I missed them or got them item number wrong again. (I wrote all of the item numbers from your list down first, then went to the website from there). Im glad I sent you the wool hat though even though the item number didnt let me specify a color or anything, only came oatmeal grey. -Norelco Razor- If you needed this months ago, how is the one you had holding up? Or are you real close to needing new one? -RCA 13" Television- same as above let me kno! I hope yours you have now is not going bad or anything, as that or a typewriter is at least ONE of the two things Id require/ have to have while being there to stay sane! --Other than clothing, which youll have to let me know whats needed the most for this winter etc (and what is most needed right now for you at this time) the items above were the others I looked into while shopping/browsing the website for sending packages your way. As far as clothes, will you be needing more t- shirts or more thermals (tops/bottoms both) or do you tend to rely on the thermals and sweatpants/sweat shirts together only? Let me know what works best during a WI winter so Ill know. And please dont feel odd telling me, cos Im asking and need to know for the next time I am able to send a package your way! And next time those stamped envelopes are coming your direction whether I have to wait forever for them to be available once again (smile) that was bad luck cos since were pen pals and all, perfect item to send, notebook paper AND stamped envelopes. Now, they had plenty in stock of regular envelopes and stamps that came seperate but only that one item listed under Writing Supplies I think was the single one choice for ANY pre- stamped envelopes on the entire list of choices! I take it you cant have them by themselves or order just stamps alone, right? -Thermals/PJs/boxers/shorts/socks/and then def shoes of some sort are the only thing I left out so let me know what is the clothing you rely on most even its down to certain colors (white or grey this and that shirts and pants matching when it comes to thermals or sweat pants etc, you know) Let me know! -CC
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Just wanted to let you know one last thing: I am really glad I found this post again and was able to send you a package of stuff, Im so glad for that website cos you have no idea how many states LIKE MINE have no options like that for relatives/loved ones down. So please know that it made me happy and truly made me feel good to send you a few of the items off of your list of stuff you needed back earlier this year, and thank God you listed the item numbers too! -smile-
-I also found a photo album that I THINK was the correct one, but wanted to be sure first cos it didnt list a FULL item # on the online website catalog (their mistake, happens alot when doing online web shopping trust me lol). It was the cheapest compared to the other 2 picture albums listed along with it (only had 3 on the site to pick from total) and looked really durable from the front cover/listed its size/dimensions but not number of pages or photos that it held, etc? Sound right?
-Just want to order what you need the most AND even something youd maybe LIKE to have just for the heck of it too. Just like a want that youd enjoy to pass the time. They had alot of other "games" listed such as dominoes and others in the section where I found the Jumbo playing cards. I wish I could have sent more than 1 set of them, cos I had originally meant to at least send 2 as your list said you needed 3 decks of them. I messed up on the quantity and it immediately assumed ONE.
-I have not checked out the book and magazine website that you listed along with this one for sending packages with essentials & such... but I will check it out tonight before bed and see whats up but wont order anything until I find out from you (like with many other items -smile- just being sure!): If you have already gotten or read one of the books listed, ordered/subscribed to one of the magazines listed already for the year?
-Also, any new things you want to add onto your lists for both websites? Please let me know. As I said before, many months has went by since you posted this so I am going out on a limb here and sending stuff without checking first but I feel its allright as it hasnt been THAT long since you originally expected to receive any items as gifts for your bday in May. So thats not too bad! :)
**Please write me and let me know: if your list needs to be updated in any way, added to with items you have since came to need badly or just would like to have (it never hurts to ask as you can now see hopefully! -smile-) and also if you have any extra books or ANY other new mags youd love 2receive now also?
-Du Rag- I could only find one and thats it, and I dont think the number matched up. Does that matter? Im thinking it only came in one color as well but may have been the packaging it was in & I wasnt seeing right!
-Adidas floaters/sandals- couldnt find the right numbers to make sure the ones you wanted were still available on both kinds, and as for the 2nd ones the closest to the Adidas sandals were about 2 numbers off from the item number on your list, and they have an adjustable strap running across the top.
-Wool Gloves- Im sure it gets cold up there and after this month it wont be any warmer, I dont know if they were out of stock or just not listed right now but maybe I missed them or got them item number wrong again. (I wrote all of the item numbers from your list down first, then went to the website from there). Im glad I sent you the wool hat though even though the item number didnt let me specify a color or anything, only came oatmeal grey.
-Norelco Razor- If you needed this months ago, how is the one you had holding up? Or are you real close to needing new one?
-RCA 13" Television- same as above let me kno! I hope yours you have now is not going bad or anything, as that or a typewriter is at least ONE of the two things Id require/ have to have while being there to stay sane!
--Other than clothing, which youll have to let me know whats needed the most for this winter etc (and what is most needed right now for you at this time) the items above were the others I looked into while shopping/browsing the website for sending packages your way. As far as clothes, will you be needing more t- shirts or more thermals (tops/bottoms both) or do you tend to rely on the thermals and sweatpants/sweat shirts together only? Let me know what works best during a WI winter so Ill know. And please dont feel odd telling me, cos Im asking and need to know for the next time I am able to send a package your way! And next time those stamped envelopes are coming your direction whether I have to wait forever for them to be available once again (smile) that was bad luck cos since were pen pals and all, perfect item to send, notebook paper AND stamped envelopes. Now, they had plenty in stock of regular envelopes and stamps that came seperate but only that one item listed under Writing Supplies I think was the single one choice for ANY pre- stamped envelopes on the entire list of choices! I take it you cant have them by themselves or order just stamps alone, right?
-Thermals/PJs/boxers/shorts/socks/and then def shoes of some sort are the only thing I left out so let me know what is the clothing you rely on most even its down to certain colors (white or grey this and that shirts and pants matching when it comes to thermals or sweat pants etc, you know) Let me know! -CC