. Well, it turned out that my mom had died two years prior when she was overdosed on her meds at the state hospital, and my dad had gone through a windshield in a car accident and died. My mind was in shock. I had prepped myself for the closure I would receive and looked forward to meeting my parents, regardless of their response to me. I felt I'd prepared myself for any scenario...but I had not prepared myself for this. I was too late, and would never know them. So I think it's incredible that your daughter gets to know you...any contact is better than none. It's so healing! I'm so happy that Krista doesn't have preconceived ideas of who you are, because it gives her the opportunity to get to know you before knowing your transgressions. I'd love to know more about her life, but if it's emotionally difficult for you to convey, then I'll just settle for what you include in your blogs. I can tell that you are a little concerned about how her experiences will affect her adult life. It sounds to me like she is one of the strong ones! You gave her great advice when you explained to her that she hasn't even lived her life yet. She shouldn't worry about past mistakes or baggage. I have made many mistakes before realizing my strengths, but I regret none of them. I'm being truthful. I like me. :) And I wouldn't be who I am today if anything in my past hadn't taken place. For example, my first few relationships were abusive. But I KNEW I could change. I didn't accept anything at face value. I purposefully sought out the help I needed to overcome my self-esteem issues, and today, I wouldn't change a thing about my life! Ten years ago I was a single mom, recently out of an abusive marriage, working at McDonald's for minimum wage. Today, I have a degree in business management, I own my own skin care company, I make $60,000/year with projected earnings of $150,000/year in five years, I'm engaged to a patent attorney who has an incredibly kind heart and would take a bullet for me, and I have two adorable sons who are 11 and 4. My fiancé and I also plan to have two more kids. I tell you all of this because I want you to understand that there is soooo much goodness waiting for your daughter. And the thing that sets her situation far apart from mine is that she is LOVED BY HER DAD. She will know of your sins, if she doesn't already, but she will know that it is of the past, and that all that matters is the life we have left to live. You are welcome to show her this letter I wrote to you so that she can realize that life truly is what we make of it. In our story we can be the "victim" or the "victor". I chose to be the victor, and I know that with your love, she'll make that decision that much faster, and she can start her life of fulfillment RIGHT NOW!! (Continued again, since my response contains over 7,000 character!)
Robert-(Do you prefer Rob?) Your writings are never boring, believe me! I've been doing some random transcriptions for you, (oddly, ones that were posted a month after this one that I'm responding to) and curiosity led me to look further into your situation. It seems that you are very open, and if I ask any questions that make you uncomfortable, please just ignore those ones. Your life is enough of a struggle, so I'm certainly not aiming to make you uncomfortable in any way! So, with that being said, I'm looking to fill in the holes. I've read many of your blogs now (I don't always have time to transcribe them) and I'm left to wonder about a few things. I'm so intrigued by your daughter's story. You imply that she was abandoned by her mom and that she grew up in childcare, but you don't specifically say that. Is that the case for her? I'm so curious about her fate because I, too, grew up in foster care. Fortunately, I was adopted later in life, but my childhood was incredibly messed up. My birthfather was in prison, too. He went to jail for sexually abusing my mom and us kids (I was 1 1/2) and he was dealing drugs. He got out of prison when I was in my early 20's (I'm 32 now). I had no interest in meeting him at the time. I hated him. I hated my mom, too. My two older brothers and I (all under 5) were found alone in her apartment after being left there for two days while my mom was out prostituting. I was in my crib, coated in my feces. My brothers were able to find food in the house, and luckily they knew to feed me through the bars. We were put into foster care and ended up in homes that further abused us in ways that would blow your mind. The crazy thing is, I forgave them. After growing up with such a messed up life, and seeing how it negatively affected the outcome of my brothers, I realized how much our environment affects the decisions we make. Some of us are stronger than others, but who are we to judge someone based on their strength? It is no fault of my brothers to have been born without the strength to develop good morals and ethics after being exposed to what we were exposed to. Of course, society still needs to be protected from those who seek to harm others, or who are unpredictable, but I just wish everyone understood that there are underlying reasons for people's poor decisions, and there is really no place for hate in this world. I was 26 when I first came to this realization. I felt strongly that my parents were living the lifestyle they chose based on what they had been exposed to. I was fortunate to have been born strong. Very strong. And I no longer take that for granted. With my new-found forgiveness in my heart, I filled out an application with the State of New Hampshire to find and contact each of my parents. (Continued...apparently I can only submit 3,000 characters, lol)
Thanks for writing! I finished the transcription for your post. I'm happy to read about your positive events this month. I hate hearing that it's rare for you, though. It makes me sad to think that someone so strong only gets a tiny taste of happiness every so often. It sounds like your heart is in the right place, and you're finding much healing in the charitable acts you have become involved in. I pray that you get another family visit soon! Stay strong! #thisgirlcares
Well, well, well, fancy meeting you here David. I was viewing your profile at the WIDOC today to check your status to see if you had been transferred, and up popped your blog. You wrote this on 29th June 2013, was I not enough for you back then? Oh boy, what a fool I have been and am still being. Well Happy birthday my friend, I hope and pray that you find the "precious lady," who you so desperately seek and whose shoes I can not fill. Good luck, do not contact me again, or ask me to do anything at all for you. Oh, and by the way, perhaps you should consider posting an up to date photo as the one I have with you in prayer mode may get you the sympathy vote. Annette Donaldson
Thanks for writing! I finished the transcription for your post. It's very inspiring to hear a prisoner speak of the power of positivity and faith. Stay strong! #thisgirlcares
Hi LeVar. Again, they chopped off the edge of your poem. You need to have some words with them! Scanning a document is not a difficult task, and whoever is doing the job is not paying much attention to what they're doing. If you need me to fix part of the transcripted dialogue, let me know! #thisgirlcares
Thanks for sharing, LeVar! I finished the transcription for your post, but unfortunately it's not very accurate. Whoever scanned the poem into the computer didn't notice that they chopped off the right margin off of the page. I did my best with guessing at the missing words, but your mind is very unique, and it's unlikely that I was able to accurately complete the chopped sentences. If you ask to have the poem resubmitted, I'd be happy to correct the transcription:) #thisgirlcares
Hi LeVar! Your response to me was posted on May 10th, so I'm just now getting back to you. I will transcribe the other poems you posted to your blog, and I'm happy to have some new material to share with the kids. I'm sorry that the communication via blogging only gets transmitted monthly. If you find yourself waiting, don't feel forgotten! #thisgirlcares
hey again buddy! So good to see this site is another functioning way for us to stay in communication. I just got another letter this morning from you that you wrote on 5/3...today is the 12th. Not too, too bad. At least the snail-mail process is working. I have to keep apologizing for not being more consistent in writing you my replies, but I'm still nothing like my old self. The process of becoming a more emotionally wounded life-soldier has been a long time coming, but I find it takes an ever increasing amount of energy and strained focus to accomplish even the basics. We need to work on making phone calls. What do I need to do again? Please remind me and I'll work on it. I remember in the past it involved calling one's phone company to allow the collect calls. And then I remember you using phone cards. Let me know if that would be efficient: that is, for me to buy you a p hone card and do it that way. Please, Hubert, don't hesitate to tell me what we need to do to make calls. Also, I want to work on putting you a box together. I will go on the cdc website for instructions on that...ok buddy. Anyways, I wanted to let you know I['m here and I started my next little letter to you last n ight on my dad's computer but today he's having more problems again with some conduit virus and reinstalling Norton....it's the same shit even now, five years later...or however the 'f' long it's been. Let me run. You should expect a letter from me by the end of this week hopefully. Take care buddy! Don't take this like I'm completely losing my mind, but I have a lot of dreams with you in them. Theyre usually pretty action p acked with adventure...dirtbikes, mountain climbing, etc. lol Later
Hi Nate, It was cool to read the letter of yours today. I am in community living in a shelter that really makes it tough to get along with others. Thanks for sharing. Xoxo
RSS
So I think it's incredible that your daughter gets to know you...any contact is better than none. It's so healing! I'm so happy that Krista doesn't have preconceived ideas of who you are, because it gives her the opportunity to get to know you before knowing your transgressions. I'd love to know more about her life, but if it's emotionally difficult for you to convey, then I'll just settle for what you include in your blogs.
I can tell that you are a little concerned about how her experiences will affect her adult life. It sounds to me like she is one of the strong ones! You gave her great advice when you explained to her that she hasn't even lived her life yet. She shouldn't worry about past mistakes or baggage. I have made many mistakes before realizing my strengths, but I regret none of them. I'm being truthful. I like me. :) And I wouldn't be who I am today if anything in my past hadn't taken place. For example, my first few relationships were abusive. But I KNEW I could change. I didn't accept anything at face value. I purposefully sought out the help I needed to overcome my self-esteem issues, and today, I wouldn't change a thing about my life!
Ten years ago I was a single mom, recently out of an abusive marriage, working at McDonald's for minimum wage. Today, I have a degree in business management, I own my own skin care company, I make $60,000/year with projected earnings of $150,000/year in five years, I'm engaged to a patent attorney who has an incredibly kind heart and would take a bullet for me, and I have two adorable sons who are 11 and 4. My fiancé and I also plan to have two more kids. I tell you all of this because I want you to understand that there is soooo much goodness waiting for your daughter. And the thing that sets her situation far apart from mine is that she is LOVED BY HER DAD. She will know of your sins, if she doesn't already, but she will know that it is of the past, and that all that matters is the life we have left to live. You are welcome to show her this letter I wrote to you so that she can realize that life truly is what we make of it. In our story we can be the "victim" or the "victor". I chose to be the victor, and I know that with your love, she'll make that decision that much faster, and she can start her life of fulfillment RIGHT NOW!!
(Continued again, since my response contains over 7,000 character!)
Your writings are never boring, believe me! I've been doing some random transcriptions for you, (oddly, ones that were posted a month after this one that I'm responding to) and curiosity led me to look further into your situation. It seems that you are very open, and if I ask any questions that make you uncomfortable, please just ignore those ones. Your life is enough of a struggle, so I'm certainly not aiming to make you uncomfortable in any way!
So, with that being said, I'm looking to fill in the holes. I've read many of your blogs now (I don't always have time to transcribe them) and I'm left to wonder about a few things. I'm so intrigued by your daughter's story. You imply that she was abandoned by her mom and that she grew up in childcare, but you don't specifically say that. Is that the case for her? I'm so curious about her fate because I, too, grew up in foster care. Fortunately, I was adopted later in life, but my childhood was incredibly messed up. My birthfather was in prison, too. He went to jail for sexually abusing my mom and us kids (I was 1 1/2) and he was dealing drugs. He got out of prison when I was in my early 20's (I'm 32 now). I had no interest in meeting him at the time. I hated him. I hated my mom, too. My two older brothers and I (all under 5) were found alone in her apartment after being left there for two days while my mom was out prostituting. I was in my crib, coated in my feces. My brothers were able to find food in the house, and luckily they knew to feed me through the bars. We were put into foster care and ended up in homes that further abused us in ways that would blow your mind. The crazy thing is, I forgave them. After growing up with such a messed up life, and seeing how it negatively affected the outcome of my brothers, I realized how much our environment affects the decisions we make. Some of us are stronger than others, but who are we to judge someone based on their strength? It is no fault of my brothers to have been born without the strength to develop good morals and ethics after being exposed to what we were exposed to. Of course, society still needs to be protected from those who seek to harm others, or who are unpredictable, but I just wish everyone understood that there are underlying reasons for people's poor decisions, and there is really no place for hate in this world.
I was 26 when I first came to this realization. I felt strongly that my parents were living the lifestyle they chose based on what they had been exposed to. I was fortunate to have been born strong. Very strong. And I no longer take that for granted. With my new-found forgiveness in my heart, I filled out an application with the State of New Hampshire to find and contact each of my parents. (Continued...apparently I can only submit 3,000 characters, lol)
#thisgirlcares
Good luck, do not contact me again, or ask me to do anything at all for you. Oh, and by the way, perhaps you should consider posting an up to date photo as the one I have with you in prayer mode may get you the sympathy vote.
Annette Donaldson
#thisgirlcares
#thisgirlcares
#thisgirlcares
#thisgirlcares
Xoxo