Transcription
Gary Field
DC #M05398
Century CI
Century, FL 32535
EI-103S
[KAIROS logo: drawing of a "Jewish fish" with the words KAIROS embedded within it. Prison Ministry.]
On Fri. March 7, 2014, I was given a pass and told to report to the chapel. There are times when the razor wire feels like a leash, and the fences seem a mile high. An unscheduled call to the chapel was usually one of those times. A 15 minutes "bereavement call" (there are no call outs for when people just "got sick.")
I've gotten far too many of these "call outs" in the past 10 years. The last one was only a few months ago. One of my brothers had gotten shot in the chest six times at point black range. He never had a chance, and I never got the chance to say goodbye.
There was once 18 of us; that last call dropped the number to twelve. And another lead weight hit the bottom of my heart.
I call that walk to the chapel "the longest mile," a thousand thoughts per step and alone with a safe place to land.
Taking a walk like that is just a part of the pain and penalty of being in prison. "Who could it be this time?", "Please God, not my mom! Phew! Thank God! ...It was only my brother (or my sister)." Instant relief followed immediately by a massive wave of guilt—guilt churned up by that quake of relief.
A bereavement call—doubts, fear, relief, guilt, grief. Single footprints left in imaginary sand. The longest mile, when the razor wire feels like a leash, and the fences seem a mile high.
When I got to the Chaplin's office, he just smiled and nodded. "Go on into Kairos," he said.
[KAIROS logo]
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