Helpful and Helpless

Part of my job consists of working during visitation on weekends and that's simply washing the plates off after the visitors have brought their loved ones snacks out of the machines available. I'm a very observant person. Being behind bars a person loses touch with reality especially when you do not have this opportunity. But the fact is, I was deeply touched on a point and that was hearing a young child cry after leaving her father and asking why can't Daddy come home and the Mother having to explain, having to be forced to lie to her daughter about his predicament. It was quite gut wrenching, the person visited, the Father, unaware of this whole scenario.

Seeing you visitors as you come in nervous and as you sit to wait for your loved ones to come through that door, the way your eyes light up, your determination in driving the many hours its taken and dedication, even hearing you ponder on what snacks you think they will enjoy. All of this unknown to the loved one you are visiting. I can't help but to respect you all and applaud you and let you know it doesn't go unnoticed. It hurts me hearing how some have driven 100's of miles only to be turned away. So I've found another way I could be of help. For trips over 4 hours or it may even be 3, make sure to call the unit early in the week and you might be able to get a special visit. That's 8 hours you can split, 4 one day and 4 on Sunday. You can even call and find out 1st if you're on the approved visitors list and when they are taking pictures so you can have a memento. Little things that you need to know are you can't wear shorts or spandex. I don't even think you can wear a skirt or dress. No blouses that reveal cleavage. The only thing you can bring in is change, up to $10 or $20 and your ID of course. Wheelchairs and breathing oxygen I've seen let in. You'd be surprised the dedication in visiting their loved one they've gone through. It also upsets me to see the guys in here not realizing what their families go through when they do stuff to have their visitation taken away and not give any thought to how far they have driven or how much they want to see them. I always try and share this with the offenders. Some of them feel it's just another responsibility of their families (pure ignorance). Anyways I just thought I'd let you know what you are doing is helping your loved one in a big way. You're contributing to the reintegration process of keeping your loved one in touch with reality. Time apart separates the bond that you have and you are keeping it tied together.

What I (saw?) today as badly as I wanted to help an elderly lady on a walker, the type you can sit on if needed. A lady of about 60 assisted her. The walk is long and if you've ever visited you'd know. I swear by the time they reached the central hallway they stopped to rest 3 times. As a helper I'm not allowed to come in contact with any visitors "physically" I thought it's sad, the one thing I would do in the world was "help" and I took that freedom away from myself when I committed my crime and I couldn't do the most humane act and help or assist them in any way. My hands were literally tied. We don't know what's really taken away from us till times like these.

Maybe my writing has took a different turn and I've gotten completely off base. I'm recapturing experiences from within these walls and making it a learning and eye opening realization.

Upon officers starting to work they are required an on the job training usually after leaving the academy. Requiring 3 to 4 weeks and they are trained to the units routines. We just had a new (orientee boss?) maybe on his 2 week training get assaulted by an inmate with mental problems that was probably off his medication. For nothing at all he attacked the officer young trying to enter a career path and subjected to such violence.

As an inmate (if I were in the building) at the time if the incident I would have felt compelled to intervene, but if I would have the inmates in organizations would have retaliated against me saying it's (us) those in white, against (them) those in gray. We're not even allowed to talk or discuss personal matters. It's considered fraternization and we could receive disciplinary for establishing a relationship with the officer, meaning not keeping the relationship with the officer on a professional inmate/officer level.

I'm 41 years old and anyone younger I feel although my word may not be considered if significance because I'm an inmate. I wanted to let the young officer know I respected him for picking himself up and brushing off the dirt and coming back to work the very next day bandages and black eyes. I felt bad for him. All this saying although we are behind bars doesn't mean we aren't the same cruel and mean people we are projected to be.

I'd like the readers to write in and let me know what you thought about this blog and if you'd like me to continue to share my little experiences, antics :-) and stories. Thank you for reading.