10/16/2011

Not In Church

One of the things I've come to believe is that God knows my heart. He knows the hurt I'm going through. Jesus knows I am trusting Him. I don't need people asking why I didn't go to church. If I was not there, it was for a good reason. But that doesn't mean I didn't attend church or get fed the Word.

May I suggest something? People, mind yourself and, if you are concerned about a brother and sister, go to them in love not in a condescending tone. What you may find out is that, brother or sister, was supping with the Lord.

I'll admit, I'm discouraged. I'm sad. I'm angry. That doesn't mean I love Jesus less. It means I'm working something out inside of myself with the help of Christ Jesus. I know that I should've gone into the house of the Lord, but I chose to stay and worship God in my cell. I allowed God to minister to me. I had to fellowship with God. I had to touch him for myself.

Why?

My will to get up was not in me today. I'd been perfectly content to curl up and die this morning. It's the spirit of depression and, at the start of today, it cloaked itself around me so tightly, I could not even breathe. I woke up several times through the night doing the same thing. A spirit of suicidal harmness was upon me. That's for real! Now, a lot of people go to church to take them through it. I could not do so today. I had to get through it myself.

I don't expect anyone to understand. I surely ain't broadcasting to people who'll say, "Oh sister, you just need to pray that thing off of you." "Well, if you'd been at church, you would feel they lift off of you." I could not even get out of bed with the spirits of depression and suicide upon me. Yet if they have never experienced something like this, then they'd not be able to understand.

I've always done the best I could to numb my pain or heartache. I'd use drugs, drink alcohol, have sex, cut myself... anything to dull the ache of heart and soul, I did.

I'm trying to do the opposite of that. Spiritual warfare is real, and it's a battle we should all try to help the other through. You can't pretend to know what the other is thinking or feeling. If you know that person is struggling, pray for them. Lay hands on them and pray over them. Give them an encouraging word. But by no means, do you fix yourself to beat that person up because they missed service. Take time to learn what's ailing your brother that you might learn how to help her better. Don't judge!