Nov. 28, 2018

I Didn't Know

From The Novelist Portent by Johnny E. Mahaffey (author's profile)

Transcription

The Novelist Portent
Johnny E. Mahaffey
November 4, 2018

I DIDN'T KNOW

I didn't know that the words you gave me
were not for me to share
I didn't know that you didn't want anyone to see
that you'd come to me and that you care

I didn't know, could never foresee,
this old heart of mine torn again so bare
I didn't know that this was just your look-see
and every new promise was another unswear

I didn't know that you secretly fear me as parolee
out in the world, near you, or elsewhere
I didn't know you'd be my extended sentence assignee
making sure I stay put without a prayer

I didn't know you'd be such a gratified divorcee
yet my heart you would again ensnare
I didn't know my love would be a forced retiree
but for a moment I'd again be your love billionaire

I didn't know our son except through fantasy
what my mind could conjure from its software
I didn't know that the love you portrayed to me
was not mine, in any way, to declare

I didn't know that you could be so carefree
that you'd not see me for me and move on unaware
I didn't know what you'd be like a thirty-three
but I am proud of you and hate that I wasn't there

I do know that I am your true dedicatee
that there is no better truth to declare
I do know that I forgive you blame free
your slate still clean; and my heart open and bare

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