Okay, let's see if I can remember where I left off with my last blog post. Sucks not to have a memory! I do remember the point of it, though. When you turn away from God, you're at the mercy of the enemy. And we are no match for him.

It's just, after a while, you get so blind that, even if you recognize the darts he throws, you think you're invincible. You even start to believe your own lies. Why else would someone who had everything, beautiful hardworking wife, who put the family's wants and needs above her own, two beautiful children who should have been trouble just so God could have given my parents a little payback for me but never one moment of trouble from them, why or how did I ever start feeling dissatisfied? How could I have given up so much?

I suppose one of Satan's greatest tricks is to make you focus on what you don't have instead of what you do, or rather, make you feel you need or want something that you don't. I really was one of those people who had it all.

After sharing my story with others, I'm sometimes asked why. Why did I give up so much? A wife who, after putting up with me for 26 years, really did adore me. Through good times and bad, she was always right there supporting me. When I went into business building houses, she was with me. She nursed me for a year and a half through my Hepatitus C treatments. Even when I lost a lot of business due to those treatments, she carried me. I hope her husband is not as dumb as I was.

I really do feel like the guy who was walking down the street and the wind blew his hat off. He chased it and almost had it when it blew into the street. He darted after it and was hit by a truck and died. He lost everything while chasing nothing.

I pray that these blog posts will help someone. By that, I mean I don't just want the reader to better understand me. I want to write something that others will find useful or helpful in some way.

I guess this blog post could be a warning to people who are feeling disconnected, maybe in a midlife crisis. Maybe you're about to make a decision that will alter your life. Please slow down and let the Lord lead you. I never could have imagined that I would wind up here. You can't always see what evil awaits you when you try to navigate your life on your own.

I read about a psychologist who did a study at a major university called the "banality of evil". He picked up a group of young men who were good students, never been in trouble, young men with high morals. He divided this group in half, half were to play the role of prison guards, half the role of inmates. He wanted to make it as real as possible. He had the guards arrest the inmates while they were in class, then lock them up. The experiment was stopped after three days. Why? Some of the inmates actually suffered nervous breakdowns. The guards had started abusing them. They belittled them verbally. they stripped searched them. Some even started severely abusing them.

What would make good people turn bad so quickly? The fact that even good can do bad things if the circumstances presents itself. Everyone has inside them the capacity to do evil. Some will never act on it, some will. Some people need the right circumstances or be with others to do evil. Some, like myself, can screw up all on their own.

There's also the opposite of the banality of evil. Average people can become heroes if the circumstances are right. Like the people on the airplane during 9/11. They jumped on the terrorist and made that plane crash in a field. Who knows how many more would have died if they had stayed in their seats. That's also human nature.

The good news is you can tip the odds in your favor. All you have to do is stay in the center of God's will. Then he is obligated to uphold all the promises in the Bible. He will protect you and lead you down the right path.

I can't blame my situation on anyone but myself! Please don't be like me. Don't wait until you're in a situation that you have to cry out to God for help. I took a man's life. All I can do is pray that I'll meet him in the next life to ask his forgiveness.

Till next time.