Sept. 3, 2019

Dear Reader........8/25/19

by Douglas Blaine Matthews (author's profile)

Transcription

8-25-19

Dear Reader,
Hey. I hope you're doing well today!

The poem I'm sharing with you today is one I wrote at a time that I was, once again, psychologically tormented by the effects of long term solitary confinement coupled with the fate of my future on death row.

Please remember that this is not a constant battle but one that would plague me when one thing after another would go wrong in an environment that struggle never lets up.

I have overcome and learning how to process my feelings from the heart and the mind to paper helped in this battle.

My struggle has not been something to conquer but to study, learn, strategize, and outsmart. It's always here, but I have become strong enough that when it and I stand on the battlefield... I stand more than just a chance at beating it away. My struggle has made me stronger.

What struggle have you had that has made you stronger?

Until next time.

Yours truly,
Doug

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Cavak Posted 2 months, 1 week ago. ✓ Mailed 1 month, 2 weeks ago   Favorite
Thanks for writing! I finished the transcription for your post.

A significant struggle that I overcame in the past was finding my identity after my first breakup. Even though I thought at the time that I wanted to marry this person and that they are truly wonderful at heart, we couldn't communicate on the same level and we drifted apart. I got dumped soon after a one-sided "conversation".

I went through many days and nights just hurting and crying after the breakup. The self-blaming, the "if only" wistfulness that followed. What could have, I should haves, the emotional bargaining. Full non-stop grieving. It was tough.

Many months and sessions of self-care later, I gained the hindsight of knowing that the relationship had to end. It was bad for BOTH of us. Relationships can only work if both parties are willing to keep it, which sadly was not the case.

And yes, I did contribute to its failure. But being down on myself like it's ALL my fault wasn't the whole truth of the matter either. Really, accepting my accountability for what it truly was (and not the exaggerated narrative I conjured) did wonders.

What nudged me towards acceptance is knowing that loss was not unique to me either. There's a whole world out there that goes through the same thing every day too. Taking a step back after the grieving helped me towards self-respect and then true forgiveness.

Failure in this relationship helped me realize what values and boundaries I will honor, including the things that are above my own personal and emotional needs. And I now know I was fortunate to have experienced the love that was there rather than not at all.

My life wasn't ruined by the breakup, it got better. Because I was able to find empathy and learn a compassion that I didn't have before. Treasured lessons that I continue to cherish to this day.

Douglas Blaine Matthews Posted 1 month, 1 week ago.   Favorite
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