Photo of the author dated 10 13 2019. He is dressed in a loose sweater and has a goofy smile on his face.

"Put on some armor. Just remember what's armor and what's you, so when it's time to take it off, you can."
—Brent walks, The Blinding Knife

Tues. 11-05-19
1:42 PM

Dear Readers,
Howdy! I hope everyone is having a great Fall!

We're currently in our cells (unlocked, so far) after they were late calling the afternoon work call. That's when I go into the library for the afternoon shift, which is supposed to be at 12:40 PM. If they call it at 2 PM, I'll have to rush off.

Anyway, it appears that something is going on—possible someone "fell out" again.

They were supposed to have a memorial service in the chapel for Evan AKA Farmer who committed suicide in the SHU recently. I was seeing him last New Years. It's a shock to hear that he killed himself. He was very handsome and charming. Only had a short time to go. We had talked before he went to the SHU at the library a couple times, and I would've liked to have seen him again. I hope he finds peace.

The Samhain (Halloween) service was pretty cool. I was planning on working out all that day, but a good client talked me into coming in from 7:40 AM to 9 AM. At 10 AM we had a meditation in the chapel—or you had the choice of watching informational video. I did the meditation.

After that we had our ritual meal for the year. We had pork, fried chicken, French onion soup, fried bread, mashed potatoes, peach cobbler, and maybe a couple of other veggies that I ignored. I was stuffed after we ate—they let us get two trays.

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Wed. 11-06-19
7:54 PM

According to Inmate.com, there was a fight on the rec yard and six guys went to the hole, so we're locked in our cells today.

"Cruel Summer' by Bananarama has just ended, and I fast-forward to "Live Your Life" by Pee Wee on C3PO.

Back to Samhain.

We went to the chapel and early dinner that evening and then back to the outdoor ritual that night. I actually talked Nathan into going and he hung out with Junior, whom I'm trying to hook him up with.

Sister April, our outside volunteer, drove in and we had a real nice ritual with a lot of good energy. They had a separate attached circle to the Shadow Realm, and I went in. I spoke to both my parents, but it felt like my dad appeared. We got to have our late count at the chapel like last year, so we can came back late again. That's always different.

I was looking at what remained of my notes about previous posts. Previous notes were lost. I could have sworn I wrote about this, but it could have been in the letters which were lost.

Anyway, a couple months ago, a new guy here came up to me and it turns out that I used to hang out with his mom and aunt when I was in high school! I've been to his grandmother's place several times. My male cousin was also a part of that group and he mainly brought up Nathan (now Alex) as a father figure. So, I called Alex 'cuy. HE looks like his mom's side of the family.

I was born in Corpus Christi, Texas, and that will always be my home. But just before my tenth birthday, we moved to Marionville, Missouri when my dad retired from his job as a welder at the naval base in Corpus Christi.

Marionville, at that time, had just over 1,200 people in it. It's grown a little since then. It's the home of the white squirrels. I'm sure you can google white squirrels Marionville, Misouri and read about it.

So, Nathan/Alex's mom lived in Billings, the next town over. We may have started hanging out when I was a sophomore, but for sure when I was a junior and senior in high school. We hung out every Saturday night with a big group at Goof Off and go to amusement parks and concerts and plays and such, both locally and further away in Kansas City and St. Louis.

I was closer friends with his aunt Lynne who visited me when I lived in Austin, Texas and during a brief layover in Houston, Texas.

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Fri. 11/15/19
12:49 PM

Hello... Currently I'm locked in Club 16—blessedly alone—as it appears something may have happened. They made an announcement earlier that education would be closed, but this current early lockdown doesn't seem to be connected to that.

I'm sitting here at the desk drinking coffee with cinnamon which was smuggled from the kitchen, listening to Prince singing "Controversy" on C3PO.

I'm alone 'cause my cellie Nathan moved out this past Tuesday into another cell. He was really a filthy person. He rarely washed his clothes. I never once saw him change his sheets and he rarely showered. Ugh. I could end up getting someone worse, but I don't miss him.

He may have moved out 'cause I had an... uh... incident this past Friday—a week ago. To be precise, I fell out on K2 (Deuce) and apparently kinda attacked him. Once again I hit my fucking head and bled everywhere. After the CO's came and marched me away, I was taken to medical and hen the Lt.'s office. Luckily I was released back to the unit after that.

This is the fourth fucking time I've fallen out since May. This shit is getting ridiculous.

Yeah, I haven't exactly been forthright lately, and I thought I should come clean.

This past May(?) when I went to the SHU? I fell the fuck out. It was scandalous. They had to carry me down the stairs with cuffs on my wrists and ankles as I was screaming out of my mind. And this past August? When I went to the SHU again? Yep, then too. Hit my head and there was blood everywhere.

There was actually another time too between these two when I fell out, but it was handled without the po-po getting involved, so I was lucky.

This this past Friday I've been a total train wreck lately. I still get to work and do my job fine (when I'm not in the hole), but I seriously need to straighten out. I can't keep doing this. I've become a joke and it's my own fault.

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Wed. 11/20/19
9:46 PM

"Nutbush City Limits" just came on C3PO and Tina Turner belts out as I sit at my desk in a cell by myself still (so far).

And oh my fucking God do I have news! The prison here has the actual accreditation people here visiting and guess who sent them a letter prior to their visit and guess who met with them tonight—by their request! Now there was a major problem 'cause when the CO unlocked my cell just after count and told me to go to the Lt.'s office, I never thought it would be them and didn't have any of my emails that I'd printed out with me. So, the guys said that he'd meet with me tomorrow.

Crazy, huh? I sent them a three page letter, and I'm gonna let this place have it!

I was charged #2 by medical for this past time that I fell out. I mailed them that they aren't allowed to charge me for what they called an emergency visit. They still refused to refund my $2. I printed out this email and will be bringing it with me.

Stay tuned...

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Sat. 11-23-19
4:39 PM

"Love's Been A Little Hard on Me" by Juice Newton ends on C3PO and "Shout" by Sheena Easton comes on, on this rainy afternoon. I sit blessedly still alone with Charlie the Giraffe laying in the window with his ass in the air.

It was the theme for the weekend. I've been a mess as usual. But alone in that respect too, unfortunately.

Okay, so the meeting with the ACA guy went fairly well. I wish he'd quit telling me what they would or wouldn't do and let me add on a few things I forgot about. I did bring the email from the health department (medical) about their charging me when they aren't supposed to, and he made a copy of it.

Fuck these people. They certainly fuck with us.

Oh, I mentioned that it was rainy, and I want you to know that I got my wall drainage system put up yesterday after the inspection crap. Thank Goddess I took care of that!

I haven't mentioned that they've put up some metal detector crap on rec—mainly 'cause I've been a total sissy and a house mouse and refuse to go out in the cold—so I haven't experienced it yet. I heard it was a total fuck up.

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Thurs. 11/28/19
9:03 AM

It is a total fuck up.

But anyway, Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I am certainly grateful for all of my readers and always enjoy hearing from you. If you ever have any comments or questions, please feel free.

So far I'm still alone! Yeah! It's a sleepy morning as I sit here at the desk. "Cherish" by Madonna has just ended and "Wanted" by Hunter Hayes comes on C3PO.

I get to sleep in—which for me is only 8-8:30 AM, but it's so rare that I get to do that. I was busier than shit at the library the past couple of days—I went in both nights to work on staff.

We'll have our big lunch in a few hours and get a boxed meal for dinner as we usually do on holidays. I'll probably have the slight chill and go out to the rec yard, which I haven't done much. My public needs me, and I've got to get some flirting on. It's been slow lately. Most of the hot little drug hustlers have left, and they haven't been replaced. It sucks!

There was one cute little psycho-Christian boy who was going wild for Deuce recently, but he ended up going to the hole and "found Jesus" all over again before I could get together with him, damn it.

Oh, so I made it out to rec three (?) nights ago and was planning on leaving at 7 PM. But then some huge drama happened and they had us standing outside lining the fence. To leave we not only had to go through the metal detector, but they had about seven-eight CO's putting us down after that. It was a real pain in the butt, and I never saw any reason for it.

Anyway, I hope everyone has a great holiday and until next time. Oh! I almost forgot! I got a picture taken last month which I'm including, so you can see what I currently look like. I sure wish I could go back to being young and cute!

Love and blessings,
Kelly