Date 11/24/2020 6:55:33 AM
Subject: The Blessings of MY Catching COVID...
I don't know, just know God been dealing with me lately bout my poor attitude n failure 2 live out His calling n purposes on my life.
Been a nagging whisper in my heart every since I penned NEAR DEATH, convicting me of my choice of words n just how by making them public I gave Satan a chance 2 discourage the already down cast, gave him an opp 2 use me 2 convince people 2 give up; thrown in the towel!
Lord knows I wasn't gifted with the gift of encouragement so I could encourage them 2 go backwards!!!
So now I'm redetermining 2 put my eyes on
Jesus n keep em there.
2 allow my heart 2 b softened
Yes COVID reminded me how frail I am, how death will eventually have my number, yet until then I have a duty, obligation, responsibility 2 live my life 2 the fullest, especially in areas where I'm there! In areas where, "I'm not there yet" I need 2 get there!
Working on it...
So its been a blessing in that regard
Also been blessed with regards 2 the fact that now I'm no longer living in fear bout catching it!
Then my prayer life done stepped up as I turned 2 the Only one I can always turn 2
Got moved 2 a different unit, 2nd worse on the compound but my cell got 2 acknowledgers of God who read the Bible n even call Pastors! The other guy is a Seeker. N 4 the most part the room is generally quiet n they r generally respectful n courteous.
I was able 2 spend more hours in a row working on gifts 4 my daughter! Even did some 4 family n friends, though I cannot UPS them 4 at least another week or 2.
I learned more bout my body. How when its not active it turns food into more bathroom breaks! So had 2 pull myself outta bed n workout, turn the food into fuel n better quality sleep (life needs movement/activity) n upbeat personality
Was re-reminded that I alone am in charge of choosing my attitude n how I will respond 2 things like persecution, being teased n picked on, which seemingly happens 2 me every where I go n every unit I go 2! Already happened here. Oh well! Just gone keep reminding myself - I'm great. N I'm going somewhere n seeing I know how 2 get there I owe it 2 me n mines 2 Get there.
Not 2 mention a scripture comes 2 mind
"A prophet is not without honor except in his own country"
So it is
Yet I know when I make it/b resurrected, the haters n backbiters will all b in my face! Not that they want God but want a piece of what He decided 2 bless me with! Course they not beyond being nice n phony 2 me 2 get it. What else is new?
Not working 6hrs a day done blessed me with time 2 catch up on sleep n catch up on me! Need time 2 discard unnecessary belongings. Lugging around 2 much paper work/manuscripts. Have 2 question: what's important? What's not important?
Then been able 2 make time 4 my homework n seriously consider quitting my job (God willing) they bout 2 cut the hours from 60 to 30!!! I question if $5 every 2 weeks is worth it! Lord knows I can use the 30 hours 2 get prepared 2 leave prison
Speaking of which
Covid increased my faith in that regards
See while I was plagued n not knowing how this would effect me exactly the only shimmer of hope I could hold on 2 was belief that God gone release me sometime soon (ie less than a year!) Convinced 2020 my last year in prison! Amen
So though I didn't know what 2 think I kinda figured I wasn't gone die from it.
Had more peace that I was gone beat it then make it 2 the other side
Covid just a test of my faith
B like that
Specially when God give u something 2 look 4ward 2 via a vision or prophetic word(4 the disciples that meant being on a boat in the midst of a raging sea storm, after Jesus told them they were going 2 the other side. Despite Jesus truthful word, the disciples believed the storm was gone kill em, so much so they went downstairs on the boat n screamed at Jesus 2 "wake up n do something!"
He calmed the raging waters
Then questioned they faith!
4 me the prophetic word was that I'm gone b home soon, less than a year, thinking mid 2021
though 2 the best of my knowledge God ain't gave me an exact date!
So while believing 4 my 2 b Paroled outta here (I go in a few weeks) my faith had 2 b tested via Covid, the storm that rocked the boat! B a lie if I ain't tell u I sneak downstairs n wake Jesus.
Begging Him "Least let me make it 2 my parole hearing n make it home 2 least hug n kiss my daughter..."
Yup my faith still rocky at times
Oh yeah doing my homework God showed me how Peter "the rock" also had a "rocky" personality.
All man, what else???
I still gotta wandering eye
Ask the pictures my celly got on the wall
They don't have me like they used 2. Don't move me like they used 2.
Find myself watching shows just 2 see a woman's pretty face, specially those of ethnic descent
(only white women work here except 3!)
Biggest blessing was a lesson learned from a guy I don't like
I still got PRIDE in my life
Specially when it comes 2 my rights
Gotta knack 4 standing up 4 myself
N not turning the other cheek
Or being silent like a lamb being led 2 slaughter
If I'm waiting 2 use the microwave n I'm cut off that upsets me
If I'm next 4 the phone n the guy insist on not getting off or respecting my 20 minutes so I can call my loved ones I get offended
"Hey kindnout So I need 2 grow humility n humbleness
N I just found out 2pm 2day
I have 2 work in the Kitchen tomorrow at 5am!
When I told the intercom "I have a job!" It fell on death ears, mainly cause 2 of my cellys felt
"Murphy" was they name n insisted on giving they 2 cents...
Anyway it came out that they can't work cause they "got Covid"
So my having it already led 2 my being "volunteered" 4 the kitchen
Sure God gone give me a wake up call
Sure He up 2 something
Bigger that I can imagine
I did get more writing done as it pertains 2 my memoir n it being ruff drafted by the end of this year!
Write better when I'm in my feelings/going through things
Seems I think better, process better
Got more poems in my head
That will soon land on paper
Even sat down n penned some song lyrics
Damn near wrote a whole song 2day dedicated 2 me, my daughter, n others dealing with mental - especially b4 Covid
I can make it as a Ghostwriter, least as a side hustle
The privileges include being able 2 leave royalties 2 my daughter
Work 4 me
Got my Stimulus Check
Feel like my Parole papers was the best yet!
Really prayed bout what 2 articulate in the section
"Please speak on programs taken, groups attended, things u'll do upon release..."
Rather than go with the usual reciting of all my accomplishments, certificates, etc n or possible plans I may have. Tired of writing seemingly the same thing over n over again, year after year.
Mind u I just filled out these very same papers in March of this year!
As fate would have it this time I told the same narrative but in a new, fresh n exciting way!
Now it was simply formatted
I Am .... So I will...
Ex: I Am an Entrepreneur So by year 2 of my release I will take the necessary steps 2 obtain the licenses needed 2 start my home based business...
Experienced how the body, mainly the sick one Needs hot food!
Saved $ by not being able 2 get on the phone
Determined 2 get my homework done
Determined 2 focus on going home n living the life I'm destined 2 live
Got better at crocheting
Didn't have graph paper so I had 2 freestyle
Re-learned that I'm not God
I have no idea what the future holds or when it holds it
Its God who alone declares the end from the beginning
I need 2 get 2 the point of hashtagging all my hopes n dreams, n lovely intentions with
Life needs rest, laughter, love n kindness, compassion...
So now I'm making time 2 indulge in a funny TV show
Time 2 listen 2 music n quietly or mentally sing along
Time 2 meditate on love, live it out
New slogans 4 t-shirts
Biggest Blessing of blessings
4 whatever reason
Through no fault of my own
Built 2 fight
Built 2 persevere
Built 2 last
Built 2 Overcome
Built 2 Conquer
Built 2 survive
Built 2 go over the mountain, around it or through it
Built 2 channel pain into positivity
Built 2 LIVE
2021 jan 15
2021 jan 14
2021 jan 13
2021 jan 12
2021 jan 11
2021 jan 9