BLOG POST #2
Friday December 3, 2010
Hello and thanks for taking the time to view my blog. I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving and continue to have a wonderful holiday season.
It's not very often that I allow others to see the deeper, darker side of my persona. I have had bad experiences in the past, where people have tried to prey upon my emotions or have viewed it as a sign of weakness. From a young age I learned to release my hurt, anger and frustration into writing. This hasn't always been true. During my teenage and early adult years I used sex, drugs and violence as a way to cover up the pain I felt. Once I had time to stop and look back at my actions, I quickly realized how selfish and stupid I had been. It didn't take long for me to take up poetry as a way to release my negative and even some positive emotions. Very few people have read these poems so I don't know if they will be good to you. For me other people's thoughts really don't matter because I wrote these poems to help me. I do hope that maybe something I write will touch someone or help them. I'm not the best writer and my poems don't always rhyme and my structures not great but the message and emotions put into them are real and from the heart. I have severl poems I've compiled over the years but will only show three of my favourites for now. They cover different areas but hopefully they are captivating enough to encourage you to want to read more.
This first one's titled Reflections. It's dealing with my inability to allow others to see inside of my heart.
REFLECTIONS by Douglas Thomas
Why do you spend so much time trying to hide? Let go of the pride.
It's okay for a man to cry and share the pain he keeps locked away deep inside.
No matter how bad life may seem
You can't give up on your dreams.
As I gaze deep into your eyes,
I can see through the mask you wear
Quit pretending to be someone you're not
Who cares what others may think of you
You say you've lost touch with reality,
and just wish that your life would end.
I say don't be that way.
No I don't speak in circles.
I Speak the truth.
You claim to be a loner and say you don't need anyone else.
I say deep inside you know that everyone could really use a friend.
I am that friend and I can lead you to more.
Just give me a chance to show you.
Regardless of how much you say I hate you
Deep inside you know I love you so much
What will it hurt to try things my way?
Stop living in a repetitive cycle.
Step outside the box and breathe new life
For once stop running and be true to those who love you
And spend night and day worrying about you.
Most importantly be true to yourself.
Anyways, if you decide you'd like to talk I'll probably still be standing here.
If not always know that a mirror is never too far away.
Signed your reflection.
The next poem is about feeling alone.
BECAUSE OF YOU
By Douglas Thomas
You first began whispering to me when I was eight
As I laid awake unable to cry myself to sleep, into my mind you would slowly creep.
At first you scared me because I didn't understand,
But as time passed you became my closest friend.
Late at night when I'd wake from a bad dream, it was your cold embrace that answered my desperate screams.
As time passed I grew into a teen
Then late one night when I hoped it would all end,
You crept back in and created a phene[?]
At first I tried drinking you away but you were always just too strong
As time passed I spent a lot of money
and time looking for a place to hide
sometimes I'd get away but never for long
because of you I destroyed relationships
and shattered dreams. You shrouded my
heart and shredded it seam by seam. Because of you I preyed on other people's trust and gave into the slightest temptation of lust. In time I eventually found my vice. I put on a mask and together we filled my life with lies. Still from you I continued to try and hide with your help I became selfish and full of false pride. Finally I was able to build a wall and surrounded my heart. Who was I really kidding though. You were the biggest stone so when that wall finally came crashing down I stopped to look around and once again I was alone. For so long I've fought hard to loosen the hold that you have on me. Slowly I've gained my grasp on reality and I've come to the conclusion that, though the hold you have on me is tight in order to survive I will continue to fight you see, I know one of these days you will be replaced by an individual whose mere presence brings a smile to my face. Until then I warn you, stand strong, I will fight like hell to see you gone. Then and only then will I be free and no longer alone.
This third poem is about searching for love.
JOURNEY TO LOVE
By Douglas Thomas
Some people spend a lifetime searching for that one special person.
A person who makes life great and can bring a smile to one's face with a single though knowing it to get that feeling that with them everything would be right.
It's not something you can bargain for, it can't be bought.
Most of us will suffer many heartaches and begin to lose hop. In doing this we lock away our hearts and refuse to trust we justify our feelings or lack of by living in our past. A time must come when we have to take a chance, open our hearts and blow away the dust.
Relationships and commitment are not easy things to partake of.
One can't know the future if they do not take a chance and follow their hearts. Often times it will require taking chances and making sacrifices. If it's truly meant to be, then nothing will keep you apart.
Sometimes when our past blinds us, we overlook opportunities.
When dealing with these things one must be considerate of each other's feelings. Love can't be forced. It's a bond that has to be established and nurtured. Time, patience and dedication are a must is one wished to succeed.
My friend, if you're search is still ongoing please maintain hope. Destiny will combine your lives when the time is right.
I know it will be hard but it's a journey well worth the wait. When you find your soulmate you will see things in a whole new light.
Trust me I've travelled these roads and stumbled many time. I know eventually things will get better and this battle is getting easier to fight. Though my heart yearns to be set free in the back of my mind I hold doubts. For now I'll bide my time because I know one day everything will turn out right.
I hope these poems have helped someone. It definitely helped me when I wrote them. For now I'm going to wrap this blog up. I'll post again soon and will post more poems. In my next blog look forward to me talking more about my early life. It will probably help you guys see some of the reasons I write the poetry I do. I'll talk about my parents' divorce, my drug and alcohol addictions at a young age and a lot more. I may even talk some about prison life and other such things.
Before I sign off I'm going to start a list of songs I encourage you to listen to, movies to see and books to read.
Sammy Hagar - Where the Eagles Fly
Seasons After - Cry Little Sister
Pantera - Hollow
Travis Tritt - Foolish Pride
Aerosmith - Angel
Marcus Luttrell - Lone Survivor
Andrew Collins - Beneath the Pyramids
Andy McDermott - The Secret of Excalibur
Stand By Me
Legends of the Fall
All the guys can laugh at my last movie choice but it's a great movie, though it's been a while since I've seen it.
As always I encourage you all yo open your minds, broaden your horizons, take a chance and try new things. We only get one life. Go ahead and live it. For those who haven't bungie jumped, go for it.
Okay, have a great week, keep your hands up and always smile even when you don't feel like it. Until next time, best wishes...
Peace and Love
Douglas AKA Dreamer
As always I encourage snail mail. I'll respond to all blogs and letters snail mail:
Douglas L. Thomas #1272514
2101 FM 369 North
S. Allreo Unit
Iowa Park, TX 76367
One last thing to add. Those into art, I encourage you to find these paintings:
"Spirit of the Night" by John Atkinson Grimshaw
"Twilight Fantasies" by Edward Robert5 Hughes
Actually everything I've seen by these two are good. I love this style of art.
2012 jun 15
2011 sep 21
2011 may 6
2011 apr 17
2010 nov 29
I'll have to see Legends of the Fall, too, and not just because Brad Pitt is in it. =) It's got some beautiful music.
Take care, looking forward to hearing more about your life.