Aug, 2012

Post.

Friday 10 August 2912

The creator of this website says "Sometimes you may get negative comments", "it's best to just let things go". I'm not sure how my blog looks, so, I've decided to format the blog chronologically parallel to my life. I've already had some entries and musings and apologies. Of course everyone feels that their apology is the most important, the most emphatically heartfelt, the terrible pain I caused some folks, of course spending my life and death in prison??? First time, forced at gunpoint to drive an acquaintance to a burglary, 16 months, and a lifetime of neglect and [?], he just threw the generations of family photos in the trash. It makes me sick to have been any part of that over 20 years later and time

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weapons, just madness, sadness, deug addiction, and gave the teller seperate notes, [?] out with a total of 16,000 which I now pay restitution on plus 4 life sentences. 4 25 to life sentences, [?] 3 strikes. I am now no longer homeless, I have food, I have a little "room" - a little [?], an 80.00 guitar that sounds like $2000.00, some books, a TV, [?] my only true friend on Earth, my sister Rose bought for me and although I have never attended a funeral for Timmy, my baby brother, or Phillip my big brother or Richie my middle [?] brother or my father or stepfather + step mother or [?] [?] heart my mother, somehow this padded concrete slab I call a bed is just wonderful. It is preparation for death, I was raped and contacted HIV, I have Hepatitis C, I have had lung cancer surgery I have degenerative disc disease and constant pain. I miss my sister's voice as much as I would miss drawing my next breath. There was a time when I was the sweetest, kindest, [?] Am I straightest wanna be peace loving hippie wanderer on earth? What happened?

On May 9 1956 Marvin Randall Chaplin 10 pounds 9 ounces was born in the Bartholomew County Hospital in Columbus, Indiana. I was my mother's 6th child, she was 25 years old. My mom and dad divorced within 3 years of my birth and relatively soon, myself, [?] and Rosie left my dad, Marvin "Bearcat" Chaplin and his new wife, Norma Jean Baker, and went about 100 miles North East of Columbus to Centerville Indiana on Route 40, 105 South [?] Avenye, an old hotel, me mom, my new stepdaddy [???] my big sister, Phillip my biggest oldest brother and [?] Rose, and soon our new born little brother, Richie Ian Hale. Jen worked 6 to 3.30 at [??], mom worked to 11.30 at Jody's restaurant. So Centerville [?] will start here. [??] summers, big green trees, strode everywhere, pushing my little trucks down the street. I have permanent scrapes on my elbows. A little park where in summer movies were shown, I saw my first film, Rebecca of Sunnybrooke Farm on a giant screen, lying on a grassy hillside, lightning bugs everywhere. There was a church in Centreville that chimed the 1/2 ours and hour, bom, bom, bom, bom, bom, bom, bom, bom, 1 bom 2 bom 3 bom [?]. Centerville had Victorian houses 1800s [?] and poverty. I snuck out to the bedroom window wearing only jockey shorts at 4 years of age. When the "Beatles" came on Ed Sullivan, I began singing their songs. There was a poor family "the [?] Willie, Cliffy, Mary was in a wheelchair and I would go there to their house down the back alley into the poverty and [?] to them. Mary loved for me to sing to her.

Centerville, for a minute I had a best friend who was [??] named Billy and he moved away. It was meaningful to me because he smiled so big and hugged me. 2 dirty little kids, smoking [?] and stuff playing "cans" in the alley. I began to think that my stepfather hated me, he sat in the dark after he got home from work. I only remember eating when my mom was home. We found out years later, CPS had taken his first 5 children and his first wife was locked away permanently. Mom gave him an almost instant 5 more, then 6, then 7.

I suffered molestation in Centerville, too young to fully understand and when the police caught us it seemed he hated me even more. I was 7 when it ended, 5 when it started. But Centerville was so much more than "bad" memories. I didn't really know they were bad. I slept on the floor from my earliest memories, to keep from being inbetween Phillip and Jimmy, nothing terrible, just no sleep. My memories of Rosie were mostly due to her friends down the street, the Greens. Mrs Green played piano at home and in the church. Rose loved it. when I think of Rosie, I think of a little girl who cooked for her mother's husband and children from a very young age. A girl who never ever had a father, though she had 2 of them, an accidental pregnancy at 16 to one of the ugliest boys in High School, she was drunk for the very first time. She told me "I puked when he touched me". Mom made her marry him. When the little girl was born it was the very first time happiness in my little sister Rose experienced, maybe me too cause the baby was a beautiful beauty of blue eyed little girl. I got to hold her sometimes, rock her. Rosie married and moved into a life with a guy she didn't know, who hit her and drank all the time, he was a hard worker though half the time he got me into the bargain and there were "some" OK times. After they bought a house he mostly stayed away. Lot of rumours about another girl. Finally after giving birth to the cutest little boy ever, they divorced. I kow my sister has been loved by a man, but unfortunately not by either of her husbands. I hope she has found someone, as of this writing, she stopped sending me letters. I worry, but I have no right to worry. I deserted the one person who never closed a door on me or refused me a meal and I [?] in my dreams and I sob when awake for the girl who knew me and who I knew, truly unlike how any other may have perceived us, we knew one another [?] truths, dreams, hopes, failings and in an innocent, normal way, not the perverse way of the twisted world we grew up in. As brother and sister. I can only pray she is doing alright.

August - Thursday Aug 23-2012.

So I am looking at this writing, it's barely legible, but it's all I can do. I am in prison, the resources are few. I will do better.

We moved from Centerville to [?] Indiana. I was going into 3rd Grade. Mom was really happy about the 3 bedroom brick house we were moving into. I have a drawing here somewhere.

It's been several days of over 100 degrees but it's finally cooling down. I'm out of paper. It's 7am. I'll be back. Love you.