I must begin by saying this question may come from my own ignorance or misunderstanding, perhaps just a different cultural perspective from your own, but perhaps you can help me understand in your usual eloquent manner.
You describe your crime as one of "runaway words". I understand Americans hold dear the right to "freedom of speech" which actually seems ironic to me because there seems to be more restrictions on what you can and can't say in the USA (since 9/11 specifically) than here in my country where we don't tout the right of free speech, it is simply a silent expectation that it is a right we possess.
Having said that, I personally see real merits in not fully disclosing every detail of our lives publicly. I believe there is a way to be an authentic version of ourselves with the use of self-censorship, and only disclosing certain parts of ourselves to those that will benefit from that knowledge. I see no reason to discuss all of my sexual preferences with my mother for example, because I don't see how that knowledge would benefit her in any way. Of course if I was gay and that was my personal identity, I imagine I would then, without a second thought.
I guess in short, what troubles me, is that if you continue to be the man who says what's on his mind and in his heart, regardless of the consequences, will you be required to serve a second prison sentence in the future for once again standing up for your beliefs. I realize that is an extreme example, but it's the best way I can illustrate what I'm getting at.
I just would hate to see your activism be self defeating all over again. In my mind, something will have to change in the way you approach your causes, but are you prepared to do that? And will your strong spirit of conviction allow you to do that..?
I must also acknowledge that 'my' views that I have shared with you here could be what upsets you so very much. It could be what you see as others lack of interest in changing the evils of the world, how evil reigns when good people say or do nothing. Perhaps my views seem extreme to you as at times yours do to me..?
This is a conversation I'm interested in having with you, simply because I believe we share the same views on matters that are important, but your willingness to self sacrifice is much greater than mine, and I want to understand you more. I fully respect someone who performs the role of an activist, but do they always suffer personally as a result of providing this service to our societies. You certainly appear to.
I appreciate you wanting to protect my anonymity, but in this case there was no need to. I am proud to be your dear friend and I believe that perhaps others may be curious about the same things I am, so I'm grateful to you for sharing of yourself in the way that you do. I believe the more we can learn about our fellow humans, the more we can respect our similarities and differences so I thank you for the part you are playing in bringing us together through your candid disclosures.
I am pleased to hear you have felt the intensity of love before and I hope that experience gives you a benchmark in your darkest hours, reminding you of how good things can become.
I was however, actually going somewhere else on my journey of building trust through my own self disclosure, then asking that one important question of you, so here is what I actually find difficult to process...
I love reading your words, they're very sweet, genuine and heartfelt.
I was just going through my pile of important things to do and realized I haven't yet replied to your previous questions and comments. I will do that now and send you the information I printed for you on the Pandora.
Take care Anthony. You will be in my thoughts this Christmas.
He wants me to stop doing that and take charge of a project. So I am planning a major upgrade on a system that I support. I will be in charge of it and will have to schedule meetings and assign work to my team members usually on a volunteer basis. Hopefully that will continue to step up and open up. As you know I used to be a fun loving person. With all the issues that happened to the two of us I starting shutting down. Walls came up and I became somewhat unavailable to everyone. The battles that I attempted to conquer often sent me over the edge and I ended up making everyone mad. I still have that issue at work. As my boss said I cross the line. I was in a meeting once and people had been bugging me all week about some patches that got sent out and caused issues. I thought I had told all the team that it was me that did it and I was sorry about the issues. Well Steve decided to ask about it in the meeting and in my typical fashion I stood up and waved my arms around and said - IT WAS ME!!!!!!!!!!!! I DID IT. Worked out well because I was wearing my teashirt with a chihuahua on the front and the words said DRAMA QUEEN. That worked out well. Later Steve said - you know when I asked that question I did not expect all of that from you. Pointed to my shirt and said I am a drama queen. Another person said I was high maintenance because I kept asking him to do something that I did not have rights to do. So he got angry and told me that. I am not sure I will ever learn to be any different. When I take the time and make the effort to get what I need I just end up making people mad and it is so frustrating. I am 54 now and not sure I will ever change. My reviews always have comments that I am a team player and that everyone likes me. So maybe there is hope for me yet. I know that you have to know who this is. Pretty obvious. I love you and miss you and you will get the card soon. Ever so often I am not such a bad mom to someone that is on my mind every single day and tears happen when I look at the pictures because they are all that I have for a long time.
I have problems with the fibro and arthritis so I got a painkiller while I was there. It worked so well that I went home and went to sleep after we talked for about two hours. The next morning I searched high and low for my keys and finally opened the door and there they were. When I went to work I told Tim about leaving the keys in the door. Later I mentioned the painkiller and he said oh now the keys in the door all night makes sense. I was leaving for the day and ran into my bosses boss. His birthday is a day after mine. He asked me how my birthday went. I told him about the cake that I got at work and told him about spending the evening with my sis for my birthday. Now he knows about the pain medication that I take all the time and I told him that while I was out with my sister I had a painkiller. He looked at me and I guess he wondered why I was telling him about taking a painkiller. So to end the suspense I said - Yea it had Rum, orange juice, pineapple juice, a slice of pineapple and toasted coconut around the rim. I started laughing at the look that came on his face. He said I could use one of those and he walked away. I hope you can figure out who this is. It should be obvious. I am trying to open up a little and leave that introverted person behind. I went to the grocery store and stopped to look at some snirnoff ice drinks. Took me 10 minutes to make up my mind about buying them. A six pack of wild grape beer. I discovered that they were great and the next time I went to the store I bought another six pack of that one and another one called screwdriver. It is difficult to step up for me because of all of the things that I have been through. Physical and emotional abuse. I often take things too far and make people angry. It is hard for me to know where to draw the line. I am trying. My boss did my review and some of the comments were about me withdrawing from a task when there was a conflict. He said I was very team oriented and that was wonderful but if there was any kind of drama or conflict over something I shut down.
I got a Christmas card for you. I will put it in the mailbox and send it on its way. Lately I no longer work overtime for work. I sent an email to my boss and he got angry and sent an email back that I had crossed the line and the email was no way to talk to a supervisor. So fearing loss of my job I have learned a lesson. I told him in my last email that I had learned my lesson and that I was not going to work extra unless I was forced. He did not like that at all and let me have it. Anyway I have started going to dinner with my sis Renee. She and Joe just bought a much larger house closer to my tiny messy house. We went to Cheddars for my birthday.
Thanks for the wise words. My boys give the shitiest advise it's good to talk to someone that has a brain. Anyways I moved jade out back to er gmas we decided to split for a lil bit she hates it it but shes the one that messed up. I don't get it. She dose everything for me an she loves me like crazy. An her family tells me tha same thing. But she messes up. I can take one mistake but 2 I draw tha line. If I'm being loyal I expect the same thing back u feel me? I'm kinda stuck right now not knowing what to do. Ive gone threw many woman an relationships but I got a kid with jade and idk what to do. She says she fucked up an she do anything to get me back but in my passed I learned not to be with chicks like that, idk what's your intake on this, she trying everything to get me back. I'm always coming over now too see haven he's number one I know that. But what u think
Hey will again.. Ur right my kid is my number one. I dnt care bout much in this world but family. An I am grateful for all that they did. But I still think putting a 13 year old boy in a instatute an making him take pills is bullshit. It could be I got a lot of pint up anger towards my adoptive mother. But its something you gotta see for yourself to understand it. Anyways Ill try to give ur adress to them or let them know to contact you on hear but Im not sure there parents would let em. It's so bad the kids want to stay in there institution they dnt want to come home. They rather live in the institutes then come home I think rediculous. Yash is doing good I'll tell him to drop u some lines sometime. As for me I'm just saving up for a Harley right 2001 fxdx cought my eye. My son haven is turning 1 tomorrow hes about to walk. Best feeling in the world is seeing him learn something new. I fought him how to throw a ball. Well anything really. I kinda regret it lol. One morning I woke up to him in his crib butt naked with poo everywhere an he threw his diaper on my bed. Took me bout an hour to clean up everything haha. I wish I could send you pics but parents wouldn't let me use there a dress maby I can send some to patty?
RSS
You describe your crime as one of "runaway words". I understand Americans hold dear the right to "freedom of speech" which actually seems ironic to me because there seems to be more restrictions on what you can and can't say in the USA (since 9/11 specifically) than here in my country where we don't tout the right of free speech, it is simply a silent expectation that it is a right we possess.
Having said that, I personally see real merits in not fully disclosing every detail of our lives publicly. I believe there is a way to be an authentic version of ourselves with the use of self-censorship, and only disclosing certain parts of ourselves to those that will benefit from that knowledge. I see no reason to discuss all of my sexual preferences with my mother for example, because I don't see how that knowledge would benefit her in any way. Of course if I was gay and that was my personal identity, I imagine I would then, without a second thought.
I guess in short, what troubles me, is that if you continue to be the man who says what's on his mind and in his heart, regardless of the consequences, will you be required to serve a second prison sentence in the future for once again standing up for your beliefs. I realize that is an extreme example, but it's the best way I can illustrate what I'm getting at.
I just would hate to see your activism be self defeating all over again. In my mind, something will have to change in the way you approach your causes, but are you prepared to do that? And will your strong spirit of conviction allow you to do that..?
I must also acknowledge that 'my' views that I have shared with you here could be what upsets you so very much. It could be what you see as others lack of interest in changing the evils of the world, how evil reigns when good people say or do nothing. Perhaps my views seem extreme to you as at times yours do to me..?
This is a conversation I'm interested in having with you, simply because I believe we share the same views on matters that are important, but your willingness to self sacrifice is much greater than mine, and I want to understand you more. I fully respect someone who performs the role of an activist, but do they always suffer personally as a result of providing this service to our societies. You certainly appear to.
I am pleased to hear you have felt the intensity of love before and I hope that experience gives you a benchmark in your darkest hours, reminding you of how good things can become.
I was however, actually going somewhere else on my journey of building trust through my own self disclosure, then asking that one important question of you, so here is what I actually find difficult to process...
I was just going through my pile of important things to do and realized I haven't yet replied to your previous questions and comments. I will do that now and send you the information I printed for you on the Pandora.
Take care Anthony. You will be in my thoughts this Christmas.
Nicki
I support. I will be in charge of it and will have to schedule meetings and assign work to my team members usually
on a volunteer basis. Hopefully that will continue to step up and open up. As you know I used to be a fun loving person.
With all the issues that happened to the two of us I starting shutting down. Walls came up and I became somewhat
unavailable to everyone. The battles that I attempted to conquer often sent me over the edge and I ended up making
everyone mad. I still have that issue at work. As my boss said I cross the line. I was in a meeting once and
people had been bugging me all week about some patches that got sent out and caused issues. I thought I had told all the
team that it was me that did it and I was sorry about the issues. Well Steve decided to ask about it in the meeting
and in my typical fashion I stood up and waved my arms around and said - IT WAS ME!!!!!!!!!!!! I DID IT. Worked out
well because I was wearing my teashirt with a chihuahua on the front and the words said DRAMA QUEEN. That worked out
well. Later Steve said - you know when I asked that question I did not expect all of that from you. Pointed to my
shirt and said I am a drama queen. Another person said I was high maintenance because I kept asking him to do something
that I did not have rights to do. So he got angry and told me that. I am not sure I will ever learn to be any different.
When I take the time and make the effort to get what I need I just end up making people mad and it is so frustrating. I
am 54 now and not sure I will ever change. My reviews always have comments that I am a team player and that everyone
likes me. So maybe there is hope for me yet. I know that you have to know who this is. Pretty obvious. I love you and
miss you and you will get the card soon. Ever so often I am not such a bad mom to someone that is on my mind every single day and tears happen when I look at the pictures because they are all that I have for a long time.
painkiller while I was there. It worked so well that I went home and went to sleep after we talked for about two hours.
The next morning I searched high and low for my keys and finally opened the door and there they were. When I went to work
I told Tim about leaving the keys in the door. Later I mentioned the painkiller and he said oh now the keys in the door
all night makes sense. I was leaving for the day and ran into my bosses boss. His birthday is a day after mine. He
asked me how my birthday went. I told him about the cake that I got at work and told him about spending the evening
with my sis for my birthday. Now he knows about the pain medication that I take all the time and I told him that while
I was out with my sister I had a painkiller. He looked at me and I guess he wondered why I was telling him about taking
a painkiller. So to end the suspense I said - Yea it had Rum, orange juice, pineapple juice, a slice of pineapple and
toasted coconut around the rim. I started laughing at the look that came on his face. He said I could use one of those
and he walked away. I hope you can figure out who this is. It should be obvious. I am trying to open up a little and
leave that introverted person behind. I went to the grocery store and stopped to look at some snirnoff ice drinks.
Took me 10 minutes to make up my mind about buying them. A six pack of wild grape beer. I discovered that they were
great and the next time I went to the store I bought another six pack of that one and another one called screwdriver.
It is difficult to step up for me because of all of the things that I have been through. Physical and emotional abuse.
I often take things too far and make people angry. It is hard for me to know where to draw the line. I am trying. My
boss did my review and some of the comments were about me withdrawing from a task when there was a conflict. He said
I was very team oriented and that was wonderful but if there was any kind of drama or conflict over something I shut
down.
for work. I sent an email to my boss and he got angry and sent an email back that I had crossed the line and the email
was no way to talk to a supervisor. So fearing loss of my job I have learned a lesson. I told him in my last email that
I had learned my lesson and that I was not going to work extra unless I was forced. He did not like that at all and let
me have it. Anyway I have started going to dinner with my sis Renee. She and Joe just bought a much larger house closer
to my tiny messy house. We went to Cheddars for my birthday.
Yash is doing good I'll tell him to drop u some lines sometime. As for me I'm just saving up for a Harley right 2001 fxdx cought my eye. My son haven is turning 1 tomorrow hes about to walk. Best feeling in the world is seeing him learn something new. I fought him how to throw a ball. Well anything really. I kinda regret it lol. One morning I woke up to him in his crib butt naked with poo everywhere an he threw his diaper on my bed. Took me bout an hour to clean up everything haha. I wish I could send you pics but parents wouldn't let me use there a dress maby I can send some to patty?