Response Part 1 I woke up this morning with this post on my mind, which I’d read before I went to sleep last night. Although it feels a little voyeuristic in some ways, looking into your private conversation, it is also (as you said in one of your other posts), on the most public forum in the world so on that note, I’d like to comment because I find myself in a unique position where I can identify with both sides of this conversation. Both as an adult child feeling abandoned by the one person who is supposed to love you the most in the world, your mother. And as a mother of a spirited, difficult child who questioned everything and wouldn’t rest if she found something to be in any way ‘unfair’ in her mind.
AS AN ABONDONED ADULT CHILD - As a child my mother was everything a mother should be, loving, protective and attentive. Once I’d grown up, things changed. Due to having, a partner with a gambling addiction when I was 25; I found myself homeless and stayed with my mother for 2 weeks; after which time she told me “You can’t stay here anymore; you will have to find your own way” shocked, and with no idea what to do next, I left, with my 2 children and pregnant with my third with nowhere to go. This was the greatest time of need I have faced in my life, and the person I thought should have loved and supported me more than any other, didn’t care and made that journey back from homelessness so much longer and more difficult. I was also conditioned in that moment to a new reality, that if your own mother won’t help you; then it’s not acceptable to ask for help from any one else, and to this day I don’t ask. My point here is that these defining moments in our lives, change the people we are.
AS A MOTHER - I have been a single mother for most of my adult life. For 8 years with one child, and later on with 3. My eldest, my only daughter, was a difficult child in comparison to my two boys. Her heart was always in the right place, so I knew she would be a wonderful adult, but as a child, because she questioned authority when it made no sense to her, she was difficult. She ALWAYS had to know why & if the answer wasn’t acceptable, she would go about changing circumstances to better suit herself. Whilst she continued to develop her negotiation skills (from the age of 2) she was seen by many others as disrespectful, rude, naughty and disruptive, but by those that understood her, spirited and well-meaning.
I found, as I tried anything and everything I could to accommodate her, yet still guide her in the right direction, I realized that at times I had to ‘pick my battles’, this was my greatest realization or she would have dominated completely. There was only one of me, I was entirely responsible for 2 other little lives, keeping up with my studies, finances, the household, part time work and of course taking care of ‘me’ to some degree so that I was able to keep the wheels turning, keeping everyone happy.
These types of posts are not uncommon on this site I'm sad to say & each & every time I read one of them I get so upset, and have begun coming back at a later time to leave a comment. I feel if you have to live within such horror, and take the time to put it into words, the least I can do is process it the best I can and offer some form of moral support. The fact that I need to leave after simply reading your words speaks volumes, (it's almost like watching a scary movie... the second time around you're a little more desensitised to the horror) & only then am I actually capable of attempting to process what I've read. I hate that you, or anyone else, is forced to live in this situation, in a FIRST world country. I find it abhorrent.
I've read a few articles lately on Solitary confinement; it seems to be a topic of discussion right now, as it should be. One article published in the New York Times in late August by a Psychiatrist speaking about the effects of over use of solitary confinement in the U.S.A. These were a couple of passages from that article:
"...depriving people of freedom may be justifiable. But prolonged isolation inflicts another kind of harm, one that can never be justified. This harm is ontological; it violates the very structure of our relational being...For the sake of justice, not only for them but for ourselves, we must put an end to the over-use of solitary confinement in this country, and we must begin the difficult but mutually rewarding work of bringing the tens of thousands of currently isolated prisoners back into the world". They were quotes from Lisa Guenther. Associate Professor of philosophy at Vanderbilt University and the author of "Social Death and Its Afterlives: A Critical Phenomenology of Solitary Confinement."
This article began..."There are many ways to destroy a person, but the simplest and most devastating might be solitary confinement. Deprived of meaningful human contact, otherwise healthy prisoners often come unhinged. They experience intense anxiety, paranoia, depression, memory loss, hallucinations and other perceptual distortions. Psychiatrists call this cluster of symptoms SHU syndrome, named after the Security Housing Units of many supermax prisons."
It is shocking to think something so preventable, with characteristics so specific we can call it a 'syndrome' exists. It is nothing less than a crime to subject a fellow human being to such conditions that can affect the demise of, an otherwise healthy, person's mental health. I am glad to see from reading your blogs that you keep your mind active Jeremy, as that seems to be your only defense.
"You feel you are hedged in; you dream of escape; but beware of mirages. Do not run or fly away in order to get free: rather dig in the narrow place which has been given you; you will find God there and everything.
God does not float on your horizon; he sleeps in your substance. Vanity runs, love digs. If you fly away from yourself, your prison will run with you and will close in because of the wind of your flight; if you go deep down into yourself it will disappear in paradise."
LE PEUCH ('Homo Viator' latin for ‘fellow traveler’)
What it says to me: When God lives in us, we can be content and bring God fruit, wherever we are, doing whatever service God has entrusted us to do for Him. Vanity flies, love stays and digs; and finds paradise.
2 Corinthians 1 is one of the primary scriptures that drives me in ministry to the homeless, sick and incarcerated (along with Matt. 25), and it's our call to care for the least of these our brothers; He did it for us. This is not unlike Christ's call for us to die to ourselves, as He died to remove the barrier between us and Heaven. -Dan Nelson
I would like to say to Jeremy; I don't understand why you're even there... runaway words... this makes absolutely no sense to me (keeping in mind I'm not an American); when the USA has always touted "Freedom of Speech" to the extreme! Or does this translate to "Freedom of speech as long as we like what you're saying". Were your charges a result of law changes after 9/11 where if the word 'terrorist' was utilised by the powers that be, laws no longer applied and 'lock em up' was the reaction (this is how I personally saw it, as an outsider looking in).
I wonder if these are the same laws my fellow Australian Julian Assange is being dogged by; although in all fairness, he wasn't simply offering information, he was hacking in to databases and sharing it internationally... But I have to ask... Has-the-world-gone-mad!?
I am incredibly sorry for the loss you've experienced. I believe that in an attempt to move forward 'why' is the right question to ask here. I'm glad to hear you've read a lot on the subject and have come to this site where, with an open mind, you may learn a lot more. Have you ever considered contacting the perpetrator directly..? it is that person that will hold the answer to, why, in your specific situation. Their collection of individual life experiences hold the answers you need.
You said you never considered prisoners were being mis-treated but it is a common thread on this site isn't it. I would hope you keep an open mind, as difficult as that may be considering you're a victim of crime, and learn all you can from this great resource that, I think, we're all priviliged to have.
SAH, if we were being scored on 'passive aggressive insults' you would score top marks for that post! It's not a very constructive comment to Jeremy's blog post though. I'm a little disappointed; I know you're capable of much more.
Wow, I can't believe I stumbled across this. It breaks my heart to read some of it, because I know it is genuine... Ive been home 3 weeks now. Please know you are never forgotten, thought of often... And prayed for daily. I still have much love for you loca, you will be hearing from me very soon. Hebrews 13:3 Love- J
SAH - I assume anyone that imposes the death sentence on another innocent human being - in turn gets the death sentence. But this is Floridas current law....
Currently, Florida's capital crimes are:[3] First-degree murder Felony murder[4] Capital drug trafficking[citation needed] Capital Sexual Battery. Florida Statue 794.011.2.a states that "A person 18 years of age or older who commits sexual battery upon, or in an attempt to commit sexual battery injures the sexual organs of, a person less than 12 years of age commits a capital felony." [5]
And also the Governer/Warden has had a rule in place for some time, that seeking penpals/or relationships via internet or print materials is not allowed. The sole reason being is to protect citizens from being scammed.
RSS
I woke up this morning with this post on my mind, which I’d read before I went to sleep last night. Although it feels a little voyeuristic in some ways, looking into your private conversation, it is also (as you said in one of your other posts), on the most public forum in the world so on that note, I’d like to comment because I find myself in a unique position where I can identify with both sides of this conversation. Both as an adult child feeling abandoned by the one person who is supposed to love you the most in the world, your mother. And as a mother of a spirited, difficult child who questioned everything and wouldn’t rest if she found something to be in any way ‘unfair’ in her mind.
AS AN ABONDONED ADULT CHILD - As a child my mother was everything a mother should be, loving, protective and attentive. Once I’d grown up, things changed. Due to having, a partner with a gambling addiction when I was 25; I found myself homeless and stayed with my mother for 2 weeks; after which time she told me “You can’t stay here anymore; you will have to find your own way” shocked, and with no idea what to do next, I left, with my 2 children and pregnant with my third with nowhere to go. This was the greatest time of need I have faced in my life, and the person I thought should have loved and supported me more than any other, didn’t care and made that journey back from homelessness so much longer and more difficult. I was also conditioned in that moment to a new reality, that if your own mother won’t help you; then it’s not acceptable to ask for help from any one else, and to this day I don’t ask. My point here is that these defining moments in our lives, change the people we are.
AS A MOTHER - I have been a single mother for most of my adult life. For 8 years with one child, and later on with 3. My eldest, my only daughter, was a difficult child in comparison to my two boys. Her heart was always in the right place, so I knew she would be a wonderful adult, but as a child, because she questioned authority when it made no sense to her, she was difficult. She ALWAYS had to know why & if the answer wasn’t acceptable, she would go about changing circumstances to better suit herself. Whilst she continued to develop her negotiation skills (from the age of 2) she was seen by many others as disrespectful, rude, naughty and disruptive, but by those that understood her, spirited and well-meaning.
I found, as I tried anything and everything I could to accommodate her, yet still guide her in the right direction, I realized that at times I had to ‘pick my battles’, this was my greatest realization or she would have dominated completely. There was only one of me, I was entirely responsible for 2 other little lives, keeping up with my studies, finances, the household, part time work and of course taking care of ‘me’ to some degree so that I was able to keep the wheels turning, keeping everyone happy.
I've read a few articles lately on Solitary confinement; it seems to be a topic of discussion right now, as it should be. One article published in the New York Times in late August by a Psychiatrist speaking about the effects of over use of solitary confinement in the U.S.A. These were a couple of passages from that article:
"...depriving people of freedom may be justifiable. But prolonged isolation inflicts another kind of harm, one that can never be justified. This harm is ontological; it violates the very structure of our relational being...For the sake of justice, not only for them but for ourselves, we must put an end to the over-use of solitary confinement in this country, and we must begin the difficult but mutually rewarding work of bringing the tens of thousands of currently isolated prisoners back into the world". They were quotes from Lisa Guenther. Associate Professor of philosophy at Vanderbilt University and the author of "Social Death and Its Afterlives: A Critical Phenomenology of Solitary Confinement."
This article began..."There are many ways to destroy a person, but the simplest and most devastating might be solitary confinement. Deprived of meaningful human contact, otherwise healthy prisoners often come unhinged. They experience intense anxiety, paranoia, depression, memory loss, hallucinations and other perceptual distortions. Psychiatrists call this cluster of symptoms SHU syndrome, named after the Security Housing Units of many supermax prisons."
It is shocking to think something so preventable, with characteristics so specific we can call it a 'syndrome' exists. It is nothing less than a crime to subject a fellow human being to such conditions that can affect the demise of, an otherwise healthy, person's mental health. I am glad to see from reading your blogs that you keep your mind active Jeremy, as that seems to be your only defense.
"You feel you are hedged in; you dream of escape; but beware of mirages. Do not run or fly away in order to get free: rather dig in the narrow place which has been given you; you will find God there and everything.
God does not float on your horizon; he sleeps in your substance. Vanity runs, love digs. If you fly away from yourself, your prison will run with you and will close in because of the wind of your flight; if you go deep down into yourself it will disappear in paradise."
LE PEUCH ('Homo Viator'
latin for ‘fellow traveler’)
What it says to me: When God lives in us, we can be content and bring God fruit, wherever we are, doing whatever service God has entrusted us to do for Him. Vanity flies, love stays and digs; and finds paradise.
Dan Nelson (offered for my friend X-ray)
I wonder if these are the same laws my fellow Australian Julian Assange is being dogged by; although in all fairness, he wasn't simply offering information, he was hacking in to databases and sharing it internationally... But I have to ask... Has-the-world-gone-mad!?
You said you never considered prisoners were being mis-treated but it is a common thread on this site isn't it. I would hope you keep an open mind, as difficult as that may be considering you're a victim of crime, and learn all you can from this great resource that, I think, we're all priviliged to have.
Nicki
Nicki
Love- J
Currently, Florida's capital crimes are:[3]
First-degree murder
Felony murder[4]
Capital drug trafficking[citation needed]
Capital Sexual Battery. Florida Statue 794.011.2.a states that "A person 18 years of age or older who commits sexual battery upon, or in an attempt to commit sexual battery injures the sexual organs of, a person less than 12 years of age commits a capital felony." [5]
And also the Governer/Warden has had a rule in place for some time, that seeking penpals/or relationships via internet or print materials is not allowed. The sole reason being is to protect citizens from being scammed.
It's hard to soar like an eagle when you're surrounded by turkeys :D
You're doing an amazing job!
Nicki