This seems to be happening a lot more frequently these days. I guess it's because I'm older and so are my friends. I do not like the feeling of mortality's breath down the back of my neck.
So I'll be flying back east next week, unexpectedly. I did think that perhaps I might work something out to visit you, but there's just not enough time this trip to make it happen. Perhaps on some future visit.
It happened so quickly. I still have her voicemail on my phone from June 22nd where she called to let me know that she had just been diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia and that she was being admitted immediately into the hospital for aggressive chemotherapy. She passed away yesterday.
Her name was Candy...but I knew her by her IRC nickname, Kali. We met in 1996, online in a chat room and then later, face to face at an IRC meet in Toronto. She lived in California...and I was in New Hampshire, so it wasn't always easy to see each other, but we made a point of criss-crossing the country at least once every couple of years to visit.
I introduced her to Toni...and they hit it off as well, so when Kali died, it was only natural that Toni reached out to me immediately. We started with tears...and ended with laughter which is our way. The two of us are most definitely our mother's daughters...unable to maintain a respectable gravity for very long.
We've been very fortunate...all of our siblings are alive and healthy...and we dread the time when that changes. In an effort to put in our request early, we've decided that the two of us will have to pass away relatively close in time. I would be devastated by the loss of her...and because the two of us are so very much alike, if I died before her, then she'd miss me as I would her. The only solution...we agreed...was for us to live together when we are very, very, VERY old and senile. This way, one could die...and the other wouldn't realize it for a while. Conversation might be rather one-sided and there'd be a small issue with body odor....but there would be none of the grief.
Oh...and it has to be in our sleep. That was another thing. We're both kinda wussies about pain.
Yep, I'm still reading your blog, though I know I don't comment on it like I should. A lot of times it seems I don't have anything good to say. But I do talk to you more than anybody else back home, so that might have something to do with it.
I missed talking to you Sunday. It's a habit now--I make sure my phone's turned up and wait for your call. But it sounds like you've been locked down a lot recently. It's okay, I understand.
This is a very touching story and I feel for you. I have never lived anything like you have except drug dealing. I just read your blog and thought i'd write back so that you would know, someone read your story and feels for you. I wish the best for you, your family and your soul. Keep making positive changes and keep your head up. Feel free to write back.
Whats up Lonnie B. I just read your blog post and can understand many of the things you went through. The streets are never easy, and the homeboys offer a way to feel loved and cared for, but sadly, lead to many hardship and pains.
P.S. I hope that all turns out well between you and your friend and that you find out she is okay and nothing is horribly wrong. It can be crazy out here in this world for some and I hope she is alright. Only you know which side to lean toward- something being wrong and you not knowing whats up OR you being forgotten and totally ditched for a reason you cant even find out. For that I am sorry. You seem like a very funny, humorous, sweet guy who is just looking for some kindness in this cold world. Im sure when you find it, experience it, its hard and hurts alot when you lose it and have no idea why. So Im sending my best wishes to you that things will make sense soon and your friend will at least reappear and let you know she is okay and what happened. You never know! (smile) Take care and Ill be reading here. From C.C.
Hi Daniel, Im new here (just spent over 2 days on and off reading 200 plus pages of random blogs, all the way back to around summer 2011) and finally made an account so I could respond to writers who I noticed take the time to write in their personal words about the world they live in for the time being (some for life or worse which sucks) and try and share those experiences with us readers on the outside. I wanted to let you know if you start posting often, I will be reading and will definitely be ready (and can handle) anything you put onto paper. Take care and Im sorry that you recently had to suffer the letdown of a person who you thought cared about you very much. Just know that most of the time, others do not even know what they want out of their own lives and have no clue that if thats the case then why drag others into it? That may not be the situation here since I dont know the story but I was giving a friend advice the other day when this happened to him, because he felt he was being the victim of mind games basically and that his "gf/friend/bff" only came back around when she got bored with doing her thing. Or perhaps someone may be ill, in a bad situation, or have too much going on and unfortunately they think they will cause you more stress being where you are if they push it onto you. But once again, Ill say I dont know the everythings of the ordeal, just speaking from a womans perspective and the mistakes Ive saw my girlfriends over the years make with breaking plenty of hearts due to not thinking clearly when they involve that heart in their life. Alot of people have not liked me because of this, but then again they go crazy and come to me for advice when it happens to them by their significant other(s) it seems- but I am someone who is blatantly honest whether it bursts bubbles of hope at the moment or not. Id rather tell someone the truth right then than wait a year down the road and tell them/ admit that I wasnt ready or had too much on my mind to consider the relationship or even a friendship seriously. Which is better? Knowing up front or waiting until someone grows close to you after you make a half-a** decision you made just to make them happy, only to later on down the road crush them? I dunno, but I hope it makes sense to someone.
hello son sorry I lost contact with you I just started going threw some things with the manager over there were I lived at she started putting me threw things after you're dad went down so I had to move out and in to a hotel so that is we're me and the kids wind up at but it's all good and as for your dad he is alive and still kicking can't get read of him that fast and do you have a Facebook if so look us up your sisters and I have one look up marisela moreno franfran moreno and marissa moreno and one more thing you are a uncle already marissa had a baby her name is martha she is one years old and she is having anthere one we are praying it's a boy this time well son that's all for know love you much from your dad and mom the Rogers and Moreno family.
RSS
This seems to be happening a lot more frequently these days. I guess it's because I'm older and so are my friends. I do not like the feeling of mortality's breath down the back of my neck.
So I'll be flying back east next week, unexpectedly. I did think that perhaps I might work something out to visit you, but there's just not enough time this trip to make it happen. Perhaps on some future visit.
It happened so quickly. I still have her voicemail on my phone from June 22nd where she called to let me know that she had just been diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia and that she was being admitted immediately into the hospital for aggressive chemotherapy. She passed away yesterday.
Her name was Candy...but I knew her by her IRC nickname, Kali. We met in 1996, online in a chat room and then later, face to face at an IRC meet in Toronto. She lived in California...and I was in New Hampshire, so it wasn't always easy to see each other, but we made a point of criss-crossing the country at least once every couple of years to visit.
I introduced her to Toni...and they hit it off as well, so when Kali died, it was only natural that Toni reached out to me immediately. We started with tears...and ended with laughter which is our way. The two of us are most definitely our mother's daughters...unable to maintain a respectable gravity for very long.
We've been very fortunate...all of our siblings are alive and healthy...and we dread the time when that changes. In an effort to put in our request early, we've decided that the two of us will have to pass away relatively close in time. I would be devastated by the loss of her...and because the two of us are so very much alike, if I died before her, then she'd miss me as I would her. The only solution...we agreed...was for us to live together when we are very, very, VERY old and senile. This way, one could die...and the other wouldn't realize it for a while. Conversation might be rather one-sided and there'd be a small issue with body odor....but there would be none of the grief.
Oh...and it has to be in our sleep. That was another thing. We're both kinda wussies about pain.
Be well, Daniel.
spryte
Yep, I'm still reading your blog, though I know I don't comment on it like I should. A lot of times it seems I don't have anything good to say. But I do talk to you more than anybody else back home, so that might have something to do with it.
I missed talking to you Sunday. It's a habit now--I make sure my phone's turned up and wait for your call. But it sounds like you've been locked down a lot recently. It's okay, I understand.
I love you, and I miss you.
Amanda Jo
This is a very touching story and I feel for you. I have never lived anything like you have except drug dealing. I just read your blog and thought i'd write back so that you would know, someone read your story and feels for you. I wish the best for you, your family and your soul. Keep making positive changes and keep your head up. Feel free to write back.
Danny C
God bless you.
Keep your head up
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, 'If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?'