Well, 37 years of experience, half of them in the penal system. I suppose it is a good way to scare someone straight. I am not sure the benefit of a father on the phone is really worthwhile however.
My mother was not in the penal system, but was largely locked up in the psychiatric system. I often think I might have been better off not having her calls, etc.
I am curious though how one gains love for someone when you have never been there for that individual? While it is true that admiration and a sense of familial ties could be there... Is it possible to reciprocate love for someone who has not, and will not ever be there for another person, based on their own actions?
It is sad that your sister will have nothing to do with you, but again... What do you bring to the table in that relationship? Familial ties are often simply a matter of genetics, and we cannot choose our families, but are able to choose how we interact with them.
There used to be a term bandied about called a psychic vampire. I often thought of my mother that way in my younger years. You see, she brought nothing to the table in terms of a relationship reciprocity. She was a drug user, quite possibly bi-polar and a whole host of other issues, but more importantly was never able to physically provide for me, on a financial or even emotional basis. Typically, our relationship consisted of her telling me "what a good mother she tried to be" and how she "wished things had been different" all the while telling me she loved me. Most times, this was followed up with a request that I provide money or something for her... Towards the end, she asked me to donate to a nunnery that she somehow became involved with.
As I grew older, I realized that the only thing my mother had ever really done for me was to give advice from behind a partition or in a group monitored setting that had no real basis in reality. Her actions (the drugs) put her where she was, and no amount of religious fervor, manufactured points of advice, declarations of love, or any sort of communication on her part changed the fact that she was not there for me, and as a result.... Made my childhood a living hell.
I looked at it as a crucible of sorts. In spite of her not being there causing an endless parade of foster homes, sexual abuse, constant bullying and misery throughout school, I still managed to make it through life, and would be considered quite successful by most peoples standards.
My point is, your daughter may very well succeed as a result of you not being there, and her life may be better as a result. It's not a guarantee, of course.... But it is a possibility.
My mom? She died alone, at her back door, in the hot summer sun, and was not found for over a week, because nobody gave a damn about her... Due to her own actions. Sad to some people...indifference on my end, as she was never truly there for me.
Hi Jack, I'm so glad you have had the time to write here. I agree with Paul that communication is your way of keeping your spirits high.
I am also so happy that you have found yourself in such a great place. Considering your accounts of the other places you have lived, this must be very helpful in keeping your stress level down.
The dog program looks amazing and it has certainly been well planned and executed. The photos of the guys with their dogs tell the best story. Here are guys like you who have seen some very rough times over the years and now to find themselves in this beautiful place (thanks to Jack's meticulous cleaning and painting) and with a dog companion! Bravo to the Karma Rescue people!
Keep smiling my friend and I hope the happiness in your surroundings continues to grow.
Let me start off by first telling you where I’m writing from – Sarajevo, Bosnia. In reading your correspondence with some of the others I remember you being curious about where people were writing you from…depending on how you look at it, the circumstances of me even stumbling on your writing are pretty funny..Its Saturday night as I’m writing this and up until as recently as this morning I was pretty certain that I’d be spending tonight with a certain girl that I’ve just been dying to...well, you get the idea. Anyway, just as I lined up my morning shot of espresso today, she texts me with some piss poor excuse about cancelling tonight's plans because her sister is unexpectedly coming from out of town. Anyway, with no plan B, I had nothing to do but stay home, play on the computer and watch TV. I stumbled on your blog while looking up some stuff regarding US prisons. In reading parts like the one teaching convicts math, I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard. I mean, it was to the point that I had actually woken up the neighbors (I live in one of those concrete apartment blocks, the ones you’d see in clips of communist propaganda). This is the type of stuff I’d actually pay money to read (and trust me that says a lot since I’m not much of a reader, honestly). Just excellent stuff, I'm looking forward to reading more.
Oh, and by the way, I was tempted to conclude this little story with a comment along the lines of “I bet you never imagined that some dude in Bosnia is reading your stuff….bla bla bla” but then I remembered that you’re in prison so any “I bet you never imagined” comment directed at you probably doesn’t hold up. Anyway, I’ll make sure to bookmark this site where they publish your stuff and look forward to reading more. Best of luck, Adis Bicakcic
You are very welcome. A letter is close to being on it's way. I have been writing every few days so I could make a short letter a long one. Everyone here is good. Today is my bf's b'day. We are leaving soon for a bike ride to Bear Mt. NY. I've never been and am excited. It's gonna be a long ride. Yesterday was the 4th of July. hahaha. You know how this family likes their food!! I saw the pics of Krista from you rom's and JJ's visit with her. I never thought you looked like Gram until I saw the pics of Krista who looks just like you and Gram!! Adorable!!! I hope I get to meet her one day. Gotta wake up Mike and get rolling. It's going to be an adventure. Take care and you will be hearing from me soon. Love you. Di
RSS
My mother was not in the penal system, but was largely locked up in the psychiatric system. I often think I might have been better off not having her calls, etc.
I am curious though how one gains love for someone when you have never been there for that individual? While it is true that admiration and a sense of familial ties could be there... Is it possible to reciprocate love for someone who has not, and will not ever be there for another person, based on their own actions?
It is sad that your sister will have nothing to do with you, but again... What do you bring to the table in that relationship? Familial ties are often simply a matter of genetics, and we cannot choose our families, but are able to choose how we interact with them.
There used to be a term bandied about called a psychic vampire. I often thought of my mother that way in my younger years. You see, she brought nothing to the table in terms of a relationship reciprocity. She was a drug user, quite possibly bi-polar and a whole host of other issues, but more importantly was never able to physically provide for me, on a financial or even emotional basis. Typically, our relationship consisted of her telling me "what a good mother she tried to be" and how she "wished things had been different" all the while telling me she loved me. Most times, this was followed up with a request that I provide money or something for her... Towards the end, she asked me to donate to a nunnery that she somehow became involved with.
As I grew older, I realized that the only thing my mother had ever really done for me was to give advice from behind a partition or in a group monitored setting that had no real basis in reality. Her actions (the drugs) put her where she was, and no amount of religious fervor, manufactured points of advice, declarations of love, or any sort of communication on her part changed the fact that she was not there for me, and as a result.... Made my childhood a living hell.
I looked at it as a crucible of sorts. In spite of her not being there causing an endless parade of foster homes, sexual abuse, constant bullying and misery throughout school, I still managed to make it through life, and would be considered quite successful by most peoples standards.
My point is, your daughter may very well succeed as a result of you not being there, and her life may be better as a result. It's not a guarantee, of course.... But it is a possibility.
My mom? She died alone, at her back door, in the hot summer sun, and was not found for over a week, because nobody gave a damn about her... Due to her own actions. Sad to some people...indifference on my end, as she was never truly there for me.
I'm so glad you have had the time to write here. I agree with Paul that communication is your way of keeping your spirits high.
I am also so happy that you have found yourself in such a great place. Considering your accounts of the other places you have lived, this must be very helpful in keeping your stress level down.
The dog program looks amazing and it has certainly been well planned and executed. The photos of the guys with their dogs tell the best story. Here are guys like you who have seen some very rough times over the years and now to find themselves in this beautiful place (thanks to Jack's meticulous cleaning and painting) and with a dog companion! Bravo to the Karma Rescue people!
Keep smiling my friend and I hope the happiness in your surroundings continues to grow.
Your Pal,
Marci
Let me start off by first telling you where I’m writing from – Sarajevo, Bosnia. In reading your correspondence with some of the others I remember you being curious about where people were writing you from…depending on how you look at it, the circumstances of me even stumbling on your writing are pretty funny..Its Saturday night as I’m writing this and up until as recently as this morning I was pretty certain that I’d be spending tonight with a certain girl that I’ve just been dying to...well, you get the idea. Anyway, just as I lined up my morning shot of espresso today, she texts me with some piss poor excuse about cancelling tonight's plans because her sister is unexpectedly coming from out of town. Anyway, with no plan B, I had nothing to do but stay home, play on the computer and watch TV. I stumbled on your blog while looking up some stuff regarding US prisons. In reading parts like the one teaching convicts math, I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard. I mean, it was to the point that I had actually woken up the neighbors (I live in one of those concrete apartment blocks, the ones you’d see in clips of communist propaganda). This is the type of stuff I’d actually pay money to read (and trust me that says a lot since I’m not much of a reader, honestly). Just excellent stuff, I'm looking forward to reading more.
Oh, and by the way, I was tempted to conclude this little story with a comment along the lines of “I bet you never imagined that some dude in Bosnia is reading your stuff….bla bla bla” but then I remembered that you’re in prison so any “I bet you never imagined” comment directed at you probably doesn’t hold up. Anyway, I’ll make sure to bookmark this site where they publish your stuff and look forward to reading more.
Best of luck,
Adis Bicakcic
You are very welcome. A letter is close to being on it's way. I have been writing every few days so I could make a short letter a long one. Everyone here is good. Today is my bf's b'day. We are leaving soon for a bike ride to Bear Mt. NY. I've never been and am excited. It's gonna be a long ride. Yesterday was the 4th of July. hahaha. You know how this family likes their food!! I saw the pics of Krista from you rom's and JJ's visit with her. I never thought you looked like Gram until I saw the pics of Krista who looks just like you and Gram!! Adorable!!! I hope I get to meet her one day. Gotta wake up Mike and get rolling. It's going to be an adventure. Take care and you will be hearing from me soon. Love you. Di