This statement ("Incest usually occurs among the poorest and least educated members of society") has no basis in fact. Incest happens in families from all socioeconomic backgrounds. So does sexual abuse.
It has nothing to do with money or intellect.
I read this following statement as equally problematic: "So you have to ask yourself, would a loving father seek to harm his daughter or jeopardise his relationship with her by soliciting her for sex?.."
It's true, his love is not love. But it's missing the point about why men (in this case) exploit children. They do it because they can.
It's about power.
Fathers are supposed to protect children.
Adults are supposed to protect children.
I read this post along with your post challenging the consent laws - and your general interest in letting children/teens make decisions about relationships with adults.
We protect children because children do not always make the best decisions for themselves. Sometimes they are impulsive. Sometimes, in the case of sexually exploitative relationships, they imagine that they have an equal relationship (equal in terms of power) as an adult.
They do not. The adult has power. The adult can persuade a child many things.
If they are successful, and the child says yes, that doesn't make it right.
You seem to think that girls and boys should be empowered to make up their own minds about having an adult relationship (with an adult). I see in this post that you disagree with incest, but think that people who commit this crime (and it is committed by women, as well, though statistically less often) will somehow stop if they are asked/taught.
Let's address this first: very smart people (and very dumb people) are sexually abusive. They rationalize their behavior (it was love; I was teaching him/her about love).
There are thousands of rationalizations for people who commit these crimes.
I assume that you will have time to explore this issue more fully (you wrote somewhere that you are on papers when released). So, I expect that there will be some condition about this topic.
In the meantime, I urge you to explore the literature more fully. You say that you read a lot. Read up on abuse.
For the record, I have worked with these women. The consequences of incest and sexual abuse are very damaging. Women often feel as though they gave consent (or were responsible for what happened). This ADDS to their guilt and we work though this in treatment.
I have worked with girls who thought that their adult partner was a partner -- when it happened.
But you see, I worked with them years later - as they were trying to pick up their lives. When they were older they realized what happened and the consequences for their lives.
Thanks for writing! I finished the transcription for your post. Never wish you hadn't been born, by writing on this site you are giving people an insight that could help in the future, your life is not wasted.
Thanks for writing! I finished the transcription for your post. This makes me very glad that we don't have the death penalty in Britain. I didn't realise how expensive it is to kill someone in this manner, it means there are no excuses for it apart from being cruel and vindictive.
I have read through your posts several times and I wanted to write how impressed I am by the hard work that you are doing.
You face your past with real bravery. Most people are unable to do this. You take responsibility not just for what happened, but for all of the consequences (both seen and unseen).
I very much hope that you bring as much compassion to yourself (to your own story, and to your own mistakes) and you would now (I think) bring to someone else who has walked a similar path.
We all deserve forgiveness.
The road that you have traveled is in many ways more dangerous, more fraught with sadness, and more lonely than my own.
But we all live with regret and pain. The thing we both share is a desire to find a way to live with our sorrows and triumphs. To bear the guilt with grace, face it, and then put it (gently) to the side.
The sum of our lives is who we become, I believe, not who we were in our worst moment.
RSS
It has nothing to do with money or intellect.
I read this following statement as equally problematic: "So you have to ask yourself, would a loving father seek to harm his daughter or jeopardise his relationship with her by soliciting her for sex?.."
It's true, his love is not love. But it's missing the point about why men (in this case) exploit children. They do it because they can.
It's about power.
Fathers are supposed to protect children.
Adults are supposed to protect children.
I read this post along with your post challenging the consent laws - and your general interest in letting children/teens make decisions about relationships with adults.
We protect children because children do not always make the best decisions for themselves. Sometimes they are impulsive. Sometimes, in the case of sexually exploitative relationships, they imagine that they have an equal relationship (equal in terms of power) as an adult.
They do not. The adult has power. The adult can persuade a child many things.
If they are successful, and the child says yes, that doesn't make it right.
You seem to think that girls and boys should be empowered to make up their own minds about having an adult relationship (with an adult). I see in this post that you disagree with incest, but think that people who commit this crime (and it is committed by women, as well, though statistically less often) will somehow stop if they are asked/taught.
Let's address this first: very smart people (and very dumb people) are sexually abusive. They rationalize their behavior (it was love; I was teaching him/her about love).
There are thousands of rationalizations for people who commit these crimes.
I assume that you will have time to explore this issue more fully (you wrote somewhere that you are on papers when released). So, I expect that there will be some condition about this topic.
In the meantime, I urge you to explore the literature more fully. You say that you read a lot. Read up on abuse.
For the record, I have worked with these women. The consequences of incest and sexual abuse are very damaging. Women often feel as though they gave consent (or were responsible for what happened). This ADDS to their guilt and we work though this in treatment.
I have worked with girls who thought that their adult partner was a partner -- when it happened.
But you see, I worked with them years later - as they were trying to pick up their lives. When they were older they realized what happened and the consequences for their lives.
Adults are adults.
Children are children.
(con't)
Lynn
I have read through your posts several times and I wanted to write how impressed I am by the hard work that you are doing.
You face your past with real bravery. Most people are unable to do this. You take responsibility not just for what happened, but for all of the consequences (both seen and unseen).
I very much hope that you bring as much compassion to yourself (to your own story, and to your own mistakes) and you would now (I think) bring to someone else who has walked a similar path.
We all deserve forgiveness.
The road that you have traveled is in many ways more dangerous, more fraught with sadness, and more lonely than my own.
But we all live with regret and pain. The thing we both share is a desire to find a way to live with our sorrows and triumphs. To bear the guilt with grace, face it, and then put it (gently) to the side.
The sum of our lives is who we become, I believe, not who we were in our worst moment.
Take every care,
jan
so many people stand behind you.. always remember it!
you are strong.
a return hug ; I arrived home from Illinois, visiting my friend George, another activist. :-)
Take care!
Rita