Jan. 20, 2014
Reply ID: vb2q

Big cuz,

I thought I'd never hear from you again. Thanks for reading my blog. Between the Bars has given me a platform that I'm so grateful for. It has allowed us to reconnect on a level that I never thought was possible before reading your comments. It's nice to know that I'm still loved by my pop's side of the family.

Now I have a question for you. You wrote that you didn't know what was going on with me. What did you mean by that? That you didn't know I was in prison or that you didn't know what I had been through?

Anyways, I hope that you and your lil' one are doing okay. Don't know if you and Man-Man are still together. But if so, send him my love. Tell Aunt Tiny and the rest of the fam that I would love to hear from them if they ain't too busy. Again, I'm glad to know that my words touched you. That's just affirmation that words go deeper than pain. I hope to hear from you again.

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Jackie, is that you? Wow! Thanks for the kind words. It's been years since I heard from you and it nearly brought me to tears to know that you miss me. And to hear that Makiya is missing me too was just the icing on the cake. I have missed her.

I'm kind of at a loss for words right now because no one, not even my family, have attempted to unify me and my daughter. I've heard from many that they will go over and take pictures to send to me, but none have done it thus far. And I feel helpless. I'm hoping you could send me some updated pictures of her.

By the way, did they move? I sent her a birthday present, but it was sent back because of the wrong address.

I do believe in what you said when you stated that "A lesson learned is a blessing earned." This ordeal has taught me so much about not only myself but also about my beliefs and definition of being a man. Ever since I could remember, I thought being a man meant making money (legal or illegal) and being strong and macho. But during this journey, we (all life, I figured out) that there's so many definitions of what it means to be a man. I wasn't even close to one of them.

I thought being a father meant buying my daughter fancy clothes and shoes. But what about time? Sure, I came thought, but I never stayed. I never saw my daughter ride down a slide, ride a bike, or play with friends. I missed out on all of this because I was acting out what I thought it meant to be a man.

You said that every man is out for themselves. I understand that because that once was men. All that mattered to me was ME! But that's so messed up because where's the love? Where's the compassion for others? We as men are supposed to be there for our women, and instead we're tearing them down. We're supposed to love them, and yet we're pitting one against another to feel good about ourselves. Why?

Because someone should be there for you. There should be someone there to catch you if you fall. Someone to tell you after you've made a mistake that everything will be all right. That life goes on.

Jackie, I'm sorry for whatever it is that you're going through. I wish I could make things better, even just by sending you kind words and relating that you're loved on this and too.

So how about I use your words on you and say KEEP YOUR HEAD UP! Because it does get better. Trust me, I know.

The first part of my bid, I was lost. All I cared about was me. It wasn't until I realized that life wasn't always about me that I began to heal. I began to see the world through a different set of lenses. I learned that in order to make my circumstances better that I had to change myself and the way I viewed things.

Before I go on another tangent, I'll say this: if you ever need someone to vent to, I'm here. Only a letter or comment away. I'm running low on words, so I'll end this missive but never my love. Take care of yourself, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Love always,
Michael McThune

You're on a DAY IN THE LIFE.