What Do You Do When Your Child Betrays You?
All Woman by (The Great) Lisa
I am angry beyond belief. I am hurt more than I imagined. My own child would hurt me. I have no child; I am done. I am not her father. She is on her own.
When I resumed contact with her, she told me her boyfriend talked her into doing Internet porn so she could "take care of them." Let me tell you about him: he is a low-life user who is on disability and welfare because he is lazy and doesn't work. She thinks that I care that he is Black, but I never did. He is a low-life user who claims to be in a gang, but more importantly, he is such a low-life that he talked a 19-year-old into doing porn and told her she would make 30 grand a month and would live a great life.
This is where she gets her business from. She says by doing this, she is starting her own business. I told her, "No, you are becoming someone who is manipulated by a loser into being a whore." So she called the prison today and told them she wants nothing to do with me; she said that I am trying to get her to do illegal crimes in the world for me, and she wants them to stop me from talking to her because I hate her boyfriend.
So from this day forward, I have no daughter. She is not mine anymore. She wants to do porn, good luck. I told her she'll be selling her ass on the streets for this loser in a few years. And she will think that's okay because he says he loves her. I have been begging people to let her have a home with them so she can get out of Ohio, but I'm done. She tried to get me locked up today and I just cannot forgive that betrayal. What's worse is that she didn't even tell the truth.
My child died when Justine lost our baby. She is her mother's and that's it. I am done with her, I have no daughter. All I've done for her, all I have asked others to do for her, all I have prayed for, it was all in wasted effort. My own child betrayed me, lied about me, and tried to have me locked up in here. I'm done.
12/4: It's not often that I cry in here. A 40-year-old man crying, what would people think? I'd be labeled soft and someone would attempt to bully me in some way, and I would have to fight to re-establish that I am not soft. So I keep my emotions bottled up in me. This blog is a good way for me to get it out, I think.
This betrayal of my own child, it hurts. But I took down all of her photos. I am mailing them all out. I think it's time to forget her. Who am I kidding? I have a life sentence. I can't help her. So I think it's time I stop kidding myself and move on. I went and read every letter she sent me, even when she was 8 years old. I still have them. I re-read all of her homework, looked at her photos, then I threw away her letters and homework. I'll send the photos to my mom. She can have them.
Being a father is not something I am able to do, so I admit my failure. And since I am no longer allowed to contact her, I give up. The captain said the only way I can speak to her is to hire an attorney. Good luck with that. So I hope God keeps her safe and protected, because I know that loser low-life she is living with won't. If he has his way, she will be doing Internet porn ASAP to take care of him. What's next? Street prostitution? I'm sick of this!
I wrote my great-aunt May this morning. She is the last surviving relative I have that I know of who is from my grandparents' time. I'm sure there are some I don't know.
My great-uncle Dean did our family genealogy, spent 15 or so years on it and went back over 200 years. My family departed Naples, Italy on April 5, 1907. Arrived in New York 17 days later. My family's last name was originally spelled Pizzica, but between 1907~1923, someone changed it to Pezzeca and Uncle Dean was dying to find out who changed it and why. But he wasn't able to.
My family came here on the ship once known as the S.S. Liguria. A family member of mine, Vincenzo Pizzica, killed himself by sitting on a floor and placing his head in a gas oven. My great-grandfather found his brother dead in the kitchen on 9/8/1941. My family that came here from Italy were Carmella, Carolina, Tebaldo, Elia, Elizeo, Galileo, Olivia, Eva Pizzica. All are gone, of course, but I would have liked to have known their stories. My family comes from the Abruzzi Region of Italy (region is like a state), Province of Chieti (like a county), and the town/city is Ripa Teatina. Wish I could spend time with my great-uncles Dean and Antonio.
My great-uncle Dean said anyone in this country with the last name of Pezzeca is related to us. He said he checked and, up until our name change, our last name didn't exist back then. So he was very curious as to who created and changed it. But some of this is written in Italian that I can't understand, but the important stuff is in English. Well, time for yard. Ciao.
There is a cop in Philadelphia named Michael Pezzeca. I wonder if Uncle Dean was right and he is related to me? Would be nice to know.
Someone told me that writing in all capital letters means you are yelling, but I do this for 2 reasons: 1. my typewriter is 18 years old and I cannot afford a new one. This machine types in all caps most of the time, but sometimes it works just fine. They charge us—let me look at the price list—$264.17 for a new typewriter. That's without tax. So try close to $280 for a new one. That's insane. But reason #2: I taught myself how to type using all caps so switching back and forth, well, it just isn't easy. But why not try now? So I am trying.
I don't know what else to say. I am miserable, angry, hurt. I feel betrayed, I feel like garbage because I failed once again.
My great-aunt Mary told me there is no way I can parent her from in here. She is an adult now and will do what she wants. I'm not just mad at her, I'm worried too because this low-life that she is living with is using her. I don't know. No need to keep talking about it. She's done with me, and I'm not allowed to contact her now so that's it. She truly is on her own.
My mom is back in the hospital. I called her on my birthday. I turned 40 5 days ago (Nov. 30). Breaks my heart when she is in the hospital. I can't help her so just continue to encourage her to keep fighting. I can't imagine a world without my mom. I've known a lot of people who lost their mom or both parents, and life is never just the same again.
Dec. 6: As I sit here listening to a group I like called Blue Magic, an oldies from the '70s, I just feel lost, lonely. In about 30 minutes, I have to see the activities staff. I was nominated to be vice president of the Lifers Organization, but when they did the annual membership sign-up, I didn't have the $10 to pay for it. My oldest brother sent me some money last night so I want to sign up, but the deadline has passed so I have to convince them to submit my slip so I can still be a member and then become the vice president. We'll see what happens.
I definitely cannot type as quickly as I used to since I have to keep stopping to fix my letters. But it's a process, I guess.
The puppy dogs are coming in today! I am hoping I get to see them tomorrow. A guy I know fairly well is getting one and he was told to be ready at 1 PM. So maybe tomorrow morning, I'll get to see the little pups who are only 12 weeks old. They'll get 1 year of basic training in here before they go out for specialized training to become a dog for a wounded veteran who needs one. A shame I cannot be a part of this program.
I just returned from the gym. I saw the tiny little black labs. I didn't get to pet them or play, but I saw them walking down the hallway, making little barking noises. It was something else. Gotta run.
I'm back. It's the next day. My boss is out hunting so I had no work, but I went to the dog block and played with all 3 puppies for 5-10 minutes! I had a blast. 3 little adorable black labs, 12 weeks old. Their names are Sarge, Knight, and Colonel. Sarge sniffled and licked my hands, he is very playful. Colonel did the same, but he wanted to jump on me. And Knight, he chewed on my hands.
Then I came back to my block and called my mom. I didn't tell her anything about my daughter. Mom has enough stress in her life. I told my mom all about the dogs. She said she wished she could send me one. So many pups out there who need homes. Did you know that the USA kills over 4 million dogs each year? I spoke about this a few years ago on my blog. It was an article in the USA Today newspaper. I might mess up the sight, but you can probably do some sort of Internet search: www.dogsdeathrow.org (or .com). I forget how it was, but one of them might be right.
You can search for dogs that are about to be killed in a shelter because no one wants them, and you can adopt them. So if you are looking for someone that will love you unconditionally, find a dog and save its life. I am an animal and I cannot stress this enough. You can check out dogs from all over the country who are going to be killed in just a day or 2, and you can save a life. What's the harm in just looking? Go find a pup you can fall in love with and make him/her a part of your family.
Well, I gotta go. Take care, save a dog's life. You won't regret it. God bless, ciao.
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