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3-30-17

There are so many aspects to this subject...As you already know it does not take a degree in psychology to know that the lack of intimacy for long periods of time changes a person. Wether its for better or worse... My bet its mostly for the worse...

I have spent 23 years of my life without any real friendship much less intimacy of any kind... Has it changed me? I would be bound to by truth to answer that with a solid Yes! Here are some of the changes: I have very little compassion for people now. I have ten times the hate, and just as much disdain for most people. I can give you a list of a thousand plus reasons for all of this but what would be the use...Self pity is not one of them. All that I was, and 23 pluss years, was taken from me over a single gram of dope...A single gram.

You ask how the lack of intimacy changes a man...Here is something else to consider when this question is applied to pen in prison...In here we used to have coping "tools." Such as porno magazines, soft & hard core pictures, and the last...fantasies... The system took out all the porn. Magazines, pictures, and even the books...What is left...is a persons' fantasies...And this is what I'd like you to take a look at... See these guys, (to me) revert back to animalistic behaviors. They pull their dicks out and jack-off in front of any female that happens to work their wing or pod. There is no such thing as "respect" in here where these women are concerned... But Im digressing...

If it only takes 21 days to form a habbit, so its said, then doing something for years has to really get down deep into a psyche, wouldn't ya think? If a man has only his fantasies to use for intimacy then when does a line get crossed? By that I mean, if you use a fantasy to get-off on, how long can you use, lets say, a "healthy" fantasy before it starts to get... twisted, perverted and or sick?

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If someone does start using perverted and twisted fantasies, how far does those perversions go? That's up to the individual is it not? But in this case, considering the caliber of people in here, its safe to say that most will go far far beyond the norm... This being the case, after years and years of using perverted and twisted fantasies don't you think that would change a persons' psyche? If, in these fantasies a person can only get off by, say, raping a woman or beating up on one, is there a chance that this "fantasy" will actually be played out at some time when has has the opportunity? Does the lack of intimacy play into this?
I have seen this along time ago. Thats the biggest reason I done all I could to stay away from that type of poison. To get out and find something real and someone to care about is what is most wanted in here. To be intimate with someone and find that the only way you can get off is by bringing one of those "fantasys" to life is something that I have garded against for many years.
Prison changes most things about a person. It goes much deeper than just the loss of relationships. A person's core values and ethics are victims... When a man has all taken from him he has to choose what he is going to hold on to the hardest...

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A person can be changed even by some of the smallest things. Love is one of the strongest emotions. The love of another person will and can change a person's behavior, a person's character, and a persons personality. Without that bond, does it change someone? How can it not?

AjjB, I was locked up when I was 27. I've been here now for 23 years... Can you tell me how I'm to deal with this lack of intimacy? I really doubt you could... or anyone could for that matter! I have been kept in solitary confinement for the last 19 years of my life. No T.V. no outside involvement, no family... the friends I had stopped writing in the first 5 years of this sentence... I was put in solitary confinement for having a fist fight, that was set up by the gards, (see cases Ive posted) and I was given an escape case... For 19 years I've been kept back here in solitary, (Ad. Seg.)
Does it change a person? How can it not?

Ok, AjjB, I'd rather answer questions. I don't want to seem as if I'm on some self pity trip. I can fill a loo of pages of things Ive been put thru in here... Ask any questions and I'll answer them to the best of my ability.
I hope I've helped ya in some small way.

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