Sept. 18, 2019


by Douglas Blaine Matthews (author's profile)



Dear Reader,
Hey. I hope you are doing well!

Today I've another poem of sadness to share with you. But this one is different. It's different because I began to think of the pros and cons of time. I studied the opinion of great minds in our world history and in doing so led me from this poem I share with you today to the one I'll share with you next week.

In short, this poem expresses my longing and want for physical pain to ease the mental and emotional pain. Or to die.

I attempted suicide on this night.

But that failed attempt led me to brighter days.

To be clear, I am no longer suffering like this. It is just a part of my past I wish to share with you. This is the accumulation of three years of solitary confinement that began with the guards jumping me, beating the hell out of me, and covering it up. And being locked up for killing a man who was in the act of trying to kill me.

Until next time.

Yours truly,



I just want to die and I want it to be painless
But pride won't let me, he says he'll have none of this
How can there be pride if the man in me has gone?
I am but a marred shell and my death shall sweeten
My song.
Pretty is, like a dove
But a crow's wings are my love
Wrap me, encase me and pluck my eyes out
Pull me from my bones, curdling in my shout
This tearing of my flesh, how sensational it feels
Just keep me away from my crippled mental will
Drag me through thorns, hurl me in your oven
Relent on your form for one of bludgeon!
For nothing can hurt me so much as time...
It gives me a chance to reflect on what once was mine
So bearing this emotional and mental havoc, what for?
So I pray after I sleep I'll awake no more
Happy birthday to me
And goodbye to thee.

F.S.P. Florida death row


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