Date: 1/28/2020 11:29:31 PM
Subject: reply id;pgya

late evening mrs tenzintenzin
as usually this will b in installments..
2 answer the statement ,me n my beloved loved 1's r safe;
happy is a different story at this point
dont wanna put nobody bizz in the street
but in the midst of they/mine unhappiness i trust that we r in the midst of jesus peace
a 2pac lyric comes 2 mind
"dont shed a tear/cause mama im not happy here
"no more smiles/no mo trials 4 a couple years..."

but im gucci admist this psychological warfare n mental violence among other things
chinese mind training comes 2 mind..

i understand ur sentiments on shows like ESCAPE 2 The COUNTRY
i have yet 2 watch a whole episode only cause i dont understand what the talkin bout in all
regards
like x amount of pound $
if only i knew the dollar equivalent !
used 2 watch a similar show
LIVING LARge
found it fascinating 2 see celebrity cribs n possessions
imagined i could have the same if i made it as a big fashion designer !
but now i just want 2 buy a house with 2 bathrooms n a study.
refresh me on the word
gentrification
heard it once on a tv show (the carmichaels)
but cannot recall the exact defini軀ĩdefinition
but do know that something 2 what u was speakin on happened in my home town
company JOHNSON WAX/SC JOHNSON
bought up the neighborhood round they head quartrs n built more company stuff
n drove property value of the once poor neighborhood
meanwhile hope u 2 get 2 own ur own home

afterall theres $ inside u

Date: 1/30/2020 10:35:33 AM
Subject: reply id;pgya

ok mrs tenzintenzin im back!
amazin that a house painters salary supported 21 kids! i tip my hat 2 him. n ur auntir sure that
many kids require an exuberant amount of love,patince,undivided attention... happy she had 3
ets of twins. twins r cool people ;) my dad's a twin...n growing up i always wanted twins,even
wished i had a twin. who knew god would bless me with a "twin" via my daughter ;) mayb 1 day
i'll have twins literally or adoptively.
u mentioned bein only 1of2 kids in ur house,did unview it as weird ?
did u set ur own heart on havin a plethora of image bearers?

i understand there r no rich/wealthy people in my family that i know of neway. do got a auntie
who doin good as a psychiatrist . god bless her n all that she has .
just like i was the first in my immediate family 2 graduate high school,god willin, i will be the first
to b rich. yes $$$$$$$$$ is in my future

ut o time 2 go 2 work,workin on a cat piece thats due in 2 weeks

Date: 1/30/2020 2:31:32 PM
Subject: reply id;pgya

ok im back,
just got off work
10;35am!

WOW!
im blown away that the dream was so prophetic so exact,so spot on.
look at god.
in my heart wish i could visit least see a picture something
just 2 put a clipping in my dream journal
im flabbergasted that god even chose 2 show me that red phone box that used 2 b there 7 yrs
ago!
im in awe
then inside ur house looks like an art boutique ;)
mind u i also was shown from the dream that im 2 have an art boutique /work from home
more awe becomes me
as i read bout u livin on the rounded end of ur road
i thank god 4 this dream n the exact details he chose 2 show me n that he moved me 2 share it
with u
which confirmed that he brought the dream 2 pass
n that he still speaks thru dreams
I'M JUST IN AWE N PRAISE N DUMBFOUNDEDNESS JAW STILL ON THE FLOOW...
god's been go◻瘣good 2 me :)

yeah i never new ENGLAND had a poor demographic ,we definitely dont get that on USA tv. so
i knw lol of it . i just knew of tea n crumpets ! the royals n the great british baking show! well did
have me a crumpet in the last prison i was in. was the first time I had it,wasn't that bad but i
expected somethin more...

welll more later im runnin out of time

smile

Date: 1/31/2020 9:29:36 AM
Subject: reply id;pgya

its 9pm n im back
been doin some writing bout REENTRY so as 2 share it with a reentry organization .confident
they will b blessed by it. after all said they were looking 4ward 2 hearing it just from the preface i
sent weeks ago. long story short it goes into detail how reentry involves more than gettin outta
prison n reentering the workforce. $ dont solve all problems,

but don't get me wrong it definitely helps,so i'll have some ;)

i can relate 2 existing on welfare . so how much is the average check? here its based on how
many children u have yet each st8 varies the amount. according to legend wisconson offers
more than illinois per child,which is weird cause the cost of living is higher in ILLINOIS . well i
know bout food banks. used 2 have 2 go 2 churches/ community centers 2 get food vouchers
that didnt last very long with 3 growin boys in high school. course all the places were in
neighborhoods where everyone i knew lived. so guess who was talked bout even more durin
freshman year! i feel ur daughters pain . was likewise raised onthrift store brands n
handmedown who wears a joggin suit with a belt/rubberband. definitely take a toll on ur
selesteem. but im over it. do wish we had levis 4 $1 or a prada jacket 4 $5. cant say i wouldnt
have bought both then turned a profit! our thrift stores have non name brand n weird name
brand stuff like a los angeles lakes jersey thats orange n blak

Date: 2/1/2020 11:51:33 AM
Subject: reply id;pgya

evening T

as i was sayin preparing myself by mainly focusin on discipline with my writin (which i was just doin n will do till 8pm,its 7;10pm) with my seminary homework (need 17 credits 2 graduate) with my relationship with god (gettin in my bible early in the am n been spendin more of my own down time in prayer /thoughtfulness/thanksgivin/confession...)
workin on gettin exercise n eating as healthy as i can in this situation. meanin peanuts,rice,water,coffee(only on weekends )also gotta get some peanut butter ,crackers n tuna,mackaral...
n just now i had 2 exercise 4giveness as i got skipped in the ice line,took a drive thru prayer n my puting a smile on my face 2 not "check" the person. god thank u i so wanted 2 give this person a piece of my mind. thanks 4 lovinme enuff 2 send an angel 2 help me keep my mouth shut. even now as im tempted 2 go interupt the domino game..."
see i'm growin. know i'm gone have 2 deal with this in the world,some 19yr olf thinking the world n all the parkin spots r his. its cool. ill smile n fly away :)
must continue 2 work on social etiquette 4 my own sake

more 2 come

mrf

Date: 2/1/2020 6:27:38 PM
Subject: reply id;pgya

in response 2 part 2...
think i remember that school shooting . sounds familiar like i seen it in the news or read it in the paper back in '96.
amazed that the governmental is able 2 regulate gun ownership over there. here they can pass regulation but not regulate it.
at 1st i thought the life sentence for a gun was harsh but then mayb if the States had that their would b a lot less gun violence. lot lesscarryin of guns in the process . here u get probabtion 4 the most part ur 1st n second times... only get prison when u use or get caught usin the gun durin the commission of 2 crimes.
well im so happy 2 hear there havn't been nemore school shootins
h8 i shot someone

moveing on td jakes is the man i consider my spiritual father, 1st book i read in my christian walk was his SO CALL URSELF A MAN. changed my life n helped me grow as a man n as a father... used 2 watch him on tv n lerned alot fron his wisdom.
far as god i know there is 1
i share in the notion that god cant truly bunderstood ,his ways bein so much higher than ours.
still lost in trying 2 grasp he things he's done in my life
4 instance he up 2 something with us,not sure what
but its amazin afterall he led me directly to ur house

Date: 2/1/2020 6:29:52 PM
Subject: reply id;pgya

whew! prison somethin else...

ne who my hope is i can continue to be a light that shines in darkness. prison is just a start,definitely darkest of the dark in here. have 2 fight 2 shine my light in here amongst threats,mean mugs,taunts,persecution,bullyin,sneers,snickers,n countless men rootin 4 my literal demise (often i been told that "thats y u gone die in prison")
but its good. just preparin me 4 the rejection n stuff im gone encounter on the streets. must continue 2 fight 2 display love 2 those who dont know it/r only good at abuse/takin advantage of it.

n i have yellow glasses
teased n talked bout
yet some have confessed
"wish i had the boldness confidence 2 pull off color glasses ,mayb in the streets but not in here"
men r boys
r childs
in the dictionary one def of child is
"one who is strongly influenced by his environment"
prison is like that
yes i agree people want 2 have their person n humanhood acknowledged n will even throw
tantrums / do harmful acts 2 themselves and others 2 get attention so 2 drugs come into
play,as does creatin an "identity"
im guilty of all of the above
as well as strivin 2 accomplish as much as possible for a pat on the back!
know personally that findin out who u r is a lifelong journey.
conscious of the fact that
i'm always in a state of growth n development so cant ever say ive reached my full potential
n 2day 2-1-20 i had a thought
who u r 2day u wont b tomorrow

Date: 2/1/2020 6:43:38 PM
Subject: reply id;pyga

im back in the buildin...

when i die i'm like u . due 2 the high cost of funeraly dont make no sense 4 my loved 1's 2 go more into debt as funerals r also upwards of $10,000. my thing is - bury me in the ocean. tie some stuff 2 my ankle or whatever or let my body just rot in a field. either way what difference does it make. im heaven bound no matter what happens 2 my carcase. plus im convinced that my decomposing body has benefits 2 the earth. mayb it'll help plants n trees grow. i dont know. mayb wishful thinking...
this financial reality caused me 2 pen a poem line
WE BORN BROKE , N DIE BROKER

thanks 4 the reality check on america n my reentry into it.i am doin my very best 2 adequately prepare 4 my return mentally ,physically,emotionally n spiritually ,reentry definitely a process which involves more than reentry into the workforce. currently workin on a testimonials bout reentry 4 an organization ,think i mentioned that already, my bad.
i can already tell already from those fresh in here that society is definitely different than 23yrs ago. even the way young men in here address each other as female dogs,garden tools,idiots,fools,etc.
even prioritys r outta order all across the board. lotta dependency n cryin wolf.
despite the fact im bout 2 enter a toxic society i have strived 2 bring love 2 said place...

more 2 come

Date: 2/2/2020 5:19:32 PM
Subject: reply id;pgya

morning
its whatever part this is
smile
time 2 walk on water

determined to smile more 2 combat the anger hatred of this place. plus smilin lifts my mood
;)

as i was saying im guilty of religious zealots 4give me
god delivered me from it like last year thru a penpal . got called on sayin something offensive 2 her n had an awakening .
i wasn't as christlike as i made myself to b/wanted 2 b ;(
so at 2 take my foot out my mouth n regroup . did some soul searching and found out what the problem was ,then took steps 2 correct it . learned what i told u in the past -it was my ego- but also that human tendency 2 view me as better that others/believe that im all that n a bag of chips. i was no different than those who think others r less than them because of lack of finances ... apparently "religion" has a caste system! this existed in jesus day by way of the self-righteous pharisees.
so thats what was wrong with me -i had a slef -righteousness attitude. god helped/is helpin me 2 overcome it.
if ive offende u as it relates 2 god please extend ur heart of 4giveness
thanks.

i agree that the nect war will b over culture/religios difference as we spend 2 much time arguin over text than putting the love of god into practice. sometimes people have a line drawn in the sand (awrong line mind u) that they willin 2 die 4 just 2 make live meaningful 2 them. because of this ive even been "unchristianed" by some people in the church 4 goin against /not believin in tradition...

more 2 come

Date: 2/3/2020 7:31:33 AM
Subject: reply id;pgya

happy late night mrs T
congrats 2 kansas city winning the super bowl
still life goes on

regardin my own recipe 4 a long sentence didnt comprehend it till years into my 75yr sentence. couldn't understand the system . mainly cause people with worser or similar crimes got less time than me,some had a worser record even. like the guy who was fresh out on parole n killed a man by shooting him 17 times like 9 of those shots came as he stood over him! yet they gave him a plea in 4 50yrs n called his crime 2nd degree reckless homocide. i was charged with attempted murder 4 shooting a person once haphazardly. 4 this i got 42 years. n like i said i had a family law attorney ,what did she know of fightin criminal cases? i was her 1st. mind u 2 i had just graduated high school 3 months b4 my crime n i was an honor roll student from jump(stop makin it on purpose 2nd semester of 9th grade. peer pressure ) even skipped half the 2nd grade. not 2 mention had all kinds of awards,;black history,perfect attendance,student of the month,presidential academic achievement ,4.0gpa...etc.

but in the end they said i deserved 3 quarter of a century because of 'the seriousness of the offense'
i get it.

so how much time did ur dad do?
was in durin u childhood or adulthood ?
were u able 2 4give him

kudos 2 ur friend who did a lengthy amount of time n is now doi great. i'm following in his footsteps !i'm gone make it.
thanks 4 sharing the wisdom
POLISH UR LEGACY
about that...

Date: 2/3/2020 9:03:32 AM
Subject: reply id;pgya

im back its bout 10;20am prairie du chien time
n i want 2 acknowledge ur presence
as well as god's
as well as thankk him 4 the fact that he is my immune system n the reason I havent gotten sick. the 1 guy in particular still attempting to get me sick. seems everytime he by me he suddenly has 2 cough with his mouth uncovered then does it again with his fist 2 cover it. today he seemed 2 go out his way 2 walk back into the bathroom n stand next 2 me. his excuse was the hand dryer yet this doesn't seem 2 b his custom as normally he just wets his hands n shake em dry. well course he took his time 2 cough tha close 2 me uncovered. i just smiled n decided not to say something as i felt my delivery wouldn't be seasoned with salt! so i kept smilin then sung 1 of my fave praise songs;marvin sapps PRAISE HIM IN ADVANCE
later in front of the person i exclaimed JESUS IS MY IMMUNE SYSTEM;I PROMISE U
Later he sat onthe phone with in arms reach . however knowin what he was up 2 i removed my personage from the scene. wisdom.

so in america u definitely don't get good legal representative 4 free. ask me how i know! unable 2 have the same law firm (public defender) rep all 3 of us i was given a lawyer from a private firm,oddly enuff he was doin a good job! till the one day he mysteriously came up ill n got off my case. at court he seemed perfectly healthy i even seen him visit a person on my pod like 60 days later. wierd. something up
even so i wound up with a family court attorney!

Date:2/4/2020 2:27:31 AM
Subject: reply id;pgya

afternoon mrs T
im back fresh off of work,think gone have 2 put on some muscle rub,sittin down/hunched verall day takin a toll on my lower back .

so i seen a quote back in '98
MY SITUATION Dont DEFINE ME I DEFINE ME.
even 2day i started a song? chorus
"MADE SOME MISTAKES BUT WE MADE IT
USED 2 READ BLACK HISTORY ,NOW WE MAKE IT..."
;)
so im still goin n overcoming
lookin 4ward 2 the great life that awaits me
my latter days shall b great!

god says so
job 7;8 or 8;7
ezekiel 36;11

so im all 4 polishin my legacy
most of it worded/written/spoken
rangin from the blog 2 poems 2 books 2 movies 2 songs 2 plays 2 movies 2 speeches ...
(so what lead u 2 this blog neway?)
just as well my legacy gotta have character 1st n 4most
as well as being a great father 2 my daughter despite the fact i been mia her whole life as of yet. still did best i could with what i had
my intention is to also ensure that those still in prison know that i got out n made it. somebody gotta give em hope motivation ,inspiration, an example
nowadays all u hear bout prison is those who got out n came back. helps when they send u back 2 the same prison u just left! now everybody gets 2 see u did'nt do what u said. meanwhile satan uses it 2 discourage the person n those around him,like "if he didnt make it what you think u can?"
so i gotta bring light 2 the manifest by shinin the fact that god helped me live the abundant life i was create 2 lve back on a hot summer day

god bless my moms...

god bless like 3 more 2 come

Date: 2/4/2020 10:27:31 AM
Subject: reply id;pgya

mornin mrs T

think i can get some words 2 u b4 i go 2 school...

heard of the show 60 days in like a week b4 i got ur letter. my question is whats the premise? i mean Y do the participants participate? isi it 4 kicks n giggles ? is it 2 b a good samaritan? or is there like a cash prize? i mean wheres the risk reward nuance?
yeah all those violent things happen in jail n prison pods. lord knows i experienced victimization by 2 linebacker size men! this event helped 2 harden my heart n made me say "no more"... this chngd my attitude n perspective on doin time. made me hav a mentality i didnt necessarily like but found useful . gettin over it now,part of my reentry involves leavin prison in prson (physically,menatlly,spiritually,socially,financially...)
one thing ive learned is guards use violents inmates 2 their advantage. some get a kick outta it. find it cute. the day i packed up 2 go 2 a juvenile prison like march 11,1999 a female guard told me,"u know u goin 2 gladiator school! u better beef up;eat plenty meat n potatoes ..." (think i weighed like 130lbs) i just told her
"i aint worried bout it!"

more 2 come

Date: 2/5/2020 8:43:31 AM
Subject: reply id;pgya

happy 1030pm
probably mornin over there!

days ago was watching rick steves europe n heard the expression 4 maximum goose pimples
:)
learned 2 yall can take dogs into pubs
yeah about that!
think he was in durham?
keasch?

so course those in 60 dys in,want the things -power respect-$-fame 2 b seen n heard 2 feel like they somebody ,somebody of the most upmost importance which gives their life purpose. so it is in here. basketball gives these boys life a purpose so much so they view bein in prison as no big deal afterall he "big man on campus" or as they say "dawg got the joint!"
i'd rather not...

now 2 the fun part
fashion!
thanks 4 the no need 2 make lasts part,gone research it out. already searched out the shapes n silohouttes 4 shoes as well study'd shoe construction,where i learned all bout togues,eyeluts,insole,midsole,toebox,heel counter...
got my brand n logo all mapped out though i created several brands in my mind. oddly enuff was thinkin of doin a orange line b4 i got ur letter. mayb this confirmation .
smile.
never thought of putyinm my own writin on them though i did design a pair with bible verses on em. so hanks 4 inspiring me 2 do so

more later

Date: 2/6/2020 7:01:30 AM
Subject: reply id;pgya

so i made it back 1 more time 2day
hello mrs t

whew i write in war as men argue over who got next on the phone

who knew i was engaging in streams of cosciousness. in awe that my writins an b compared 2 unimprovied jazz music.:) language has a rythm 2 it. apparently god has gifted me 2 hear it. sometimes i just say what sounds good though it may not b logical/make sense... wrote a poem ut left it in my room.got u next tie
remind me 2 put in the poem bout bbq food
thanks

im always speechless when people admire my words/wordplay i just look up 2 god n sile n get reinspired /remotivated n thank him 4 giftin me with this gift. who knew i could write something that demands ones attention . thanks 4 ur honest feedback. it was like bein at a book signin! but instead of me signin the book i wrote u signed it,with lovely words of encouragement . mayb thats a new thing! less somebody readin this beat me 2 it. either way im gone still do it just cause its ben in my heart since 2day (2-5-20) bout 2 put it in my journal 2night.
note 4 book signings...

pray the publisher (whoever it is) will respect my wishes 2 publish the book just like its written without makin it grammatically pretty n all intellectaully fit'n.
want to make my memoir 2 b pub'd in the raw gritty style that i have,with numbers hashtags backwards question marks n my ebonics n [sic] spellin
if not mayb i'll b blessed 2 self publish it
pln 2 work on it tomorrow n into the weekend

happy LONDON

respectfully mrf

Date: 2/6/2020 9:39:31 AM
Subject: reply id;pgya

evening
mrs t
yeah so guess i gotta come up with some poetry exclusively 4 some kicks (shoes) yeah we aloowed 2 have shoes,nocolors,only black or white,still i gottaa pair of adidas,which i have taken a clse look at
promise I have attempted 2 geta hold of some shoe comps - under armour,supra,n even superherois
but despite my best attempts none responded in ne shape form or fashion. kinda discouraging ,so now i've taken a break. figurin i'll wait till i get out 2 reach em. then i can do it in a professional manner. lord knows i even got a rapper COMMON no response. haven't given up just want 2 wait now if one of them were 2 stumble upon me thats a different story. thanks 4 the idea..
but if u can dind ne comp addresses i'd love 2 have em.
just seen a segment on fashion on nhk news. spoke on how vietnam now buyin more clothes,even showed a fashion designer :)
just in wold love 2 get the address 2 2 comps in prticular;
LRG
AKOO

thanks well im gon end more 2 come
blesings

Date: 2/6/2020 9:49:31 AM
Subject: reply id;pgya

whew lets see if i can finish this in this sittin

like the concept of livin between heartbeat .makes sense,i can her my heartbeatin :) know from experience that god speaks 2 quieted harts. thats y quiet time is so important 2 the life centered on god. even jesus had quiet time with god.
i would agree that conscienceness lives in our heart. a friend shared a sermon where the preacher spoke on the heart n mind bein 2 seperate entitys not 1..
ne who some verses come 2 mind
protect ur heart with all diligence cause out of it flows the issues of life - proverbs 4;23
as a man thinks (believes) in his heart so is he -proverbs 23;7
YES THE HEART IS THE CENTER OF LIFE

yeah the army brat thing is scary. n they get stupid long sentences as some trained soldiers deemed unredeemable. like some movies have pointed out how the armmed forces trans killin machines,factor in things like moral injury n ptsd (which lotta inner city kids also got) {i cry} ive always triped off how they get treated after their return 2 the USA. VA hospitals something ellse, then some end up homeless. ouch! thought they got $ mayb the
GI BILL should factor that in. stead of money 4 college give em $ 4 a place 2 stsy 4 x amount of years
know in my hometown they workin on buildin a community of tiny houses 4 homeless vets. thats cool

wonder if my "wierd designs" r more fitin 4 japanese clothing cops...

well u enjoy the rest of 2day mrs t
there will b 1 more part.
so b it
mrf

Date: 2/6/2020 9:53:31 AM
Subject: reply id;pgya

wow
i made it on the kiosk after a 5 minute break
thank u god!

so i just was guilty of lyin 2 somebody :(
u got some coffee?
no. i got this from somebody"'
felt horrible afterwards
got ready 2 give him a cup but he didnt respond 2 my repeatedly callin "joe!"
mayb he gotta cup from someone else
n i know i lied on the spot cause he has one of those usury spirits specially whem it coms 2 food/drink
god help me balance comps=assion in givin with wisdom that doesn't enable but teaches one 2 fish. u have wisdom 4 all.
also lied cause i didnt want 2 opent the door 2 him n others comin 4 coffee everyday. lord knows when the suppply gone help me get a cup
god reminded me in it all that my celly gave me a cup though i got a bag in my locker
may i not hardebn my heart 2 the needy n poor

thanks 4 the LOVE as it relates 2 my writins n the way i express my self
blessed 2 know u find it liberatin n authntic
unbeknownst 2 u those words of encouragement n affirmation help me stay motivated on writin n writin how i write (not like others) know my memoir has a unique voice n will be appreciated
sure u will if i just go ahead n write it already.
yeah im not smart enuff 2 labor 4 the right semantics syntax subject verb agreement etc. just a author who writes whats in his heart. try'd 2 write academically but it caused my writin 2 lose some life n pizzazz. no more.
thank u 4 callin my style brilliant. who knew
n 4 callin it the dogs bollocks
thank u so much 4 ur upliftin encouragement
u get 1 more letter :)