April 26, 2020

Just Saying

From Lessons Learned by Antoine Murphy (author's profile)


Date: 4/13/2020 10:59:35 PM
Subject: Just Saying

Greetings 2 whoever out there listening....

It's 7:25pm Wisconsin time. I have no idea what that means but I said it

2day was horrible as it relates 2 my response n the st8 of my mental emotional health!
Started off OK as God awoke me at 6am. Had the bathroom 2 myself which is a rarity. But due 2 this Level 3 social distancing thing they created 2 prevent getting sued we eat an hour later!
It's 1 unit at a time but they called in 2 parts (yellow n green then after they get there it's pink n blue turn 2 go mid u it's a row of tables between the 2) I guess so...
NEway after 2 boiled eggs, toast n a scoop of farina that always has more bran than farina I returned 2 my room n set my heart on finishing a section of my seminary homework, which I did in fact finish at bout 11 am!
N that's when things started 2 go down hill. People woke up with the usual banging, complaining, domestic violence, attitudes, vulgarities, etc. Yikes! 9 months of this has taken a toll on my heart n spirit.
Did U know the things U hear n see take a toll on U 4 better (Psalms 48:8) or 4 the worse (2 Peter 2:7-9)!?
So imagine everyday hearing from 6am - 1am hearing/seeing rated R lives lived, scams run, super selfishness, cultthroats, thievery, adultery, lies, murderous language, yelling, screaming, the N-word, the B-word, foolio, punching, kicking, pounding, tapping, clicking, just NE thing 2 make noise!
N they wonder Y I want 2 leave prison!
Though my humanity may also cuss on occasions out of frustration n though I'm in here 4 committing 4 felony's I no longer fit in person. Best way I can explain it is by a line I read in a book
"U can't have a Master who thinks like a slave n U can't have a slave who things like the Master"


4 this reason my stomach is sick 2 its stomach of hearing people brag bout shooting people or cheering at people getting killed in movies n TV shows! Sick of hearing people rap down the halls bout killing n-words. N did u know in here every race refers 2 themselves n everyone else as the n-word? From Japanese 2 Hmong 2 natives 2 Europeans 2 Mexicans...

So my day went sideways as I encountered these demons. Plus at lunch a c/o who got mad at somebody in front of me yelled at me! Yeah in prison it's socially acceptable 2 take ur anger out on others :( I griped back "I'm trying 2 see where u want me 2 sit!"
Convicted of my attitude I aggressively prayed 4 God 2 help me!
Still I found myself responding in the filthy flesh

Tryd 2 call 3 people at 2 pm but no cigar!
Did listen to God as He told me not 2 order shorts n weight lifting gloves n 2 just get envelopes n paper. Gotta get my books n poems n t-shirts ideas organized. Yeah got 2 make a career outta my ability 2 put words 2gether. Amen. From bumper stickers 2 grating cards 2 slogans 2 mission statements 2 quotes ...
Time 2 work on going home
Means embracing my entrepreneurial spirit. Did U know my 1st bizz was selling toys 2 classmates? That was 1st grade. In 6th grade I sold Crybabies, Tearjerkers, n bubble/candy 2 my peers. Sometimes wearing my 6 pocket pants 2 days in a row! Just 2 meet demand. Also sold crayfish 2 fishermen! Eventually I sold marijuana. I say all this 2 say I got it as a business man. Just this time I'm gone stick with selling things like clothes, designs, portraits, poems, crafts, song lyrics, inventions, etc.
See ya'll at the top!

So as of 2day I'm 16 days from my 5th PAROLE hearing!
Believe this will be my last or at least 2nd 2 last!
God been speaking 2 me bout going home by the end of this year n 2 quote Acts 27:25 "I believe God that it shall be even as it was told 2 me" Convinced I'm gone get a 6-month wait of some sort n then a release date. :)
JULY 15 keep coming 2 me with a sense of release (of some sort)

Speaking of what being Home I can't help but think of
What not being in prison means 2 me...
Means ....
No more watching TV just 2 see women (specially nonwhite women)
No more having 2 hear 1 or more dudes with headphones on rapping out loud sometimes competing 2 b the loudest!
No more day room
No more being ran over 4 the phone
No more c/o's
No more set
No more threats of conduct reports
No more cold feet
No more bunk beds that's so loose I can feel the other guy toss, turn, etc.
No more having cellys 2, 3 or 7!
No more poor health care
No more paying $7.50 just 2 get aspirin n ice
No more having 2 hear no basketball!
No more no internet
No more this letter was mailed from the Wisconsin prison system
No more paying 10¢ emails
No more canteen
No more microwave wars
No more just black or white shoes
No more strip searches
No more group showers
No more 6x9's
No more footlockers
No more clear TV n electronics
No more prison rigged tablets
No more unit 4
No more number behind my name
No more fans going n windows open specially in below zero temps
No more parole hearings
No more being round dudes 24/7
No more going 14 days literally without swing a woman in real life
No more 2 hour visits
No more u have 1 minute left
No more this call was made from a corrections facility
No more all fresh fruit must b consumed by 12am the day u get it
No being daily surrounded by no love n supreme h8
No more not having a Sanctuary. Amen n Amen
No more being in towns I never heard of
No more being Up North!
No more prison
No more prison time
No more going 20 years without a hug or a kiss
No more not having enuff clothes 2 wear in the winter
No more no umbrellas
No more prison greens
No more of this!!!

I don't know just had 2 vent
I feel better
Thanks 4 the ear

Time 2 watch my show
Song and
Maybe I'll b on there one day!

Here's 2 2020 being a year of release n jubilee

Pray 4 my heart
Some days I don't act like a Levite or a worshipper of Christ Jesus




Replies (2) Replies feed

tenzintenzin Posted 1 year, 7 months ago. ✓ Mailed 1 year, 6 months ago   Favorite
Hey Antoine.
When a baby grows inside it’s mother it becomes bigger and bigger, stronger and stronger. His body changes and evolves. Each week in the womb a new connection is made, fingers grow, organs developing. This happens for 40 weeks, (like when Jesus spent 40 days and nights in isolation)
Comes a time when the baby can no longer fit in this water filled environment. And the birth process begins moving you from a water environment to an air breathing environment. This process is slow and it is painful. For both baby and parent. It has to hurt to be pushed down a birth canal, as the baby has to have all that water pushed out of its lungs in order to breath the air it will encounter beyond its mother’s safe body.
Prison is like that. You no longer fit. Everyone and everything is going to bother you and make you crazy. It’s part of the process. It’s prison pushing you out, it’s people who have to stay there sensing this about you and trying to challenge you. Don’t rise to the bait. Regardless of who they are. Go somewhere quiet and pray. God is there for you. He can only do so much, you have to do the rest. There is only one person you have to prove yourself to and that is God. No demonstration of masculinity or territorial behaviour required, just be his son.
I wish I’d known about the parole hearing I would have provided a letter if it would have been of some help.
I can feel your frustration in your writing, your words are full of honest candid meaning. Please God the parole board recommended your release. 2020 is the strangest of years, the whole world on lockdown.
Remember you are no longer an inmate, you are an outmate.
All the best

Antoine Murphy Posted 1 year, 6 months ago.   Favorite
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