Hey now youngster,

I am Russ. I am doing time in California and this is not my first rodeo. I have a lot to say and I hope you will take the time to listen. I do not have all the answers to life's problems, but I know a lot about bad choices. I also know all about the party, of that I assure you! I also care about you, you and every other youngster on their way to prison. It may not be the same kind I find myself in, but hear this: The party will not take you to prison of one kind or another, to a place you do not want to be.

Way back when I was a youngster myself the world was a bit overwhelming for me. Now my circumstances, most probably, were nothing like yours are, but I bet we can find a lot of common ground, ground that someone who has never "been there, done that" can relate to.

For me, it started at about nine years old. It was a rough time that I had no control over. The adults in my life had battles going themselves, with their own demons and with each other. I felt a bit lost in the mix. In my mind I was on my own, plain and simple as that. I now know that was not so, but that matters not at all. Once I came to that conclusion, that I was on my own, I began to feel as though I had some control over my life. But I was also stressed out and unsure of myself. It was about this time I came to believe that if I only had a relationship with someone, a girl, that I could then take what ever life threw at me. I have learned that did nothing but complicate things a whole, whole lot more! None of those relationships ever took me where I needed to go.

In the midst of all this drama, I discovered getting high. Man did it help! At first. I loved to get high. It helped me to stop stressing all the time and to enjoy life like never before. Getting high made the world a different place for me. When I was high I was no longer unsure of myself. Hell, I did not even care about tomorrow or the uncertainties it presented. It felt good not to feel bad! Sound like something you can relate to?

Here is a fact for you: when I think of those times now I cringe. One day you most probably will too. There are a few things you may not have figured out, so please allow me to point them out. You will never have enough money to be as high as you will want to be. It costs a lot of money to get high and a hell of a lot more to stay high. On top of that, getting high is never going to take you to where you want to be, not even a death you may think you want. Oh, there is a strong possibility of it taking you to your death, it does that for a lot of people, just not a death any of us would ever want to experience. If you can't relate to talk of "wanting death", just keep on keeping on and you'll get there.

If you are old enough that someone has made this available to you, I would bet you already know all about doing what ever it takes to keep that high going. If not, beware, because one day you will! Let's just say right now you're just smoking a bit each day to take the edge off. Right now it's just a bit of lumbo or rag weed. That is going to get old quick. So then, the time will come for an upgrade. Time for the bomb, the killer bud. It runs between $50 and $75 an eighth right? At first that eighth gets you through a week. So you have to hustle two bills to make it through the month just to stay buzzed. If you think that is going to stay good enough, you're wrong. I am sorry youngster, you are wrong. When you party it is only natural to be where the party is. You know what I am saying, so let's skip the drag.

Where the party is there is not only a bit of smoke. I don't know your neighborhood so it may be X, may be speed, or the pills in the cabinet. You may be "hard core" and already slamming a bit of tar, or huffing stuff that is killing your brain each time you use. Whatever it is, chances are you will like that high same as smoke. It is also likely that by the time you get to this point you will have begun to do s--t to stay high that is costing you a lot of guilt and fear and that the party is fast becoming a full-on bad trip. You are, or will soon start, to begin to stress for real.

The stress will be about when you will get busted for this or that. No longer is it about getting high, it is about what it takes to stay high. It gets to be a heavy duty bad trip. You will think that the best way to deal with the stress is how you did at the start, by getting high. Only guess what, it won't work! But most addicts tend to get higher and higher and to shine on all the crap. The problems is that we just add to the pile! The crap will not just one day go away. I know that, I tried it out and it doesn't happen, heck weall tried that in here!

Are you already hurting? Do you find that you can relate to what I'm saying? Has life already become a full-on bad trip? Check this out: You may have taken ten thousand steps down the wrong path but it is still only one step back to the right one! The problem is, that is the hardest step any of us will most likely ever take. I know it will not be easy, that first step. But I also know the one after that is a whole lot easier, and so on and so on. I mean a lot easier.

It may seem like it is already too late to get a grip. The first step is going to mean admitting the truth that you have been blowing it. It may feel as though you have already burnt those around you so bad that going to them is not an option. You may even be right, sorry as that is. Check this out, there is a place where you can go, right now, probably within a few blocks of wherever this finds you. There is one person who you can never burn bad enough that he turns you down or turns you out. He loves you way beyond any conditions and the minute you turn towards him he will start running towards you. Have you ever been so alone it was physically painful? I have. Have you ever been brought to tears because of pain you could no longer identify? I have. He was there with you in all that. He wants to be a part of all you are going through. The full-on bad trip does not bother him in the slightest. The person is Jesus Christ. If you are smirking, check yourself!

This same Christ of who I speak has built an organization that spans the world. He has places his people there and commanded them to help you. But what's more, he has taught them and given them a heart to feel your pain and to love you unconditionally.

You will be forgiven FOR EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EVER DONE!

There are homes available to you, recovery homes filled with his unconditional love. There are people there just like you, people who no longer believe the lie and have found the hole too deep to climb out of on their own. If you are not yet old enough for a recovery home, there are youth recovery groups, pastors, and others ready to come along side you and share your journey. You are not alone!

The thought of not being high can be, probably will be, a bad trip in and of itself. You can not get help that you don't seek for yourself. No one is going to come to your rescue until you admit you're drowning. Please, hang on. Life can be so absolutely wonderful, far beyond your wildest imaginings.

I am in prison, a real prison, not some soft camp. The reality of this place is so, so much worse than portrayed in the media. It is hellish, violent, and full of ugliness you can not imagine. I am now sober, no longer living a lie or running from truth. I am happy beyond my wildest dreams, it never ceases to amaze me. Don't be like me and have to come to hell to find heaven.

You matter a great deal to a lot of people all over the world. That is a fact. It will be hard to see the truth in that while you loaded, so get smart, get straight, go forward. Take this one step I speak of and never look back. Leave the nightmare behind you once and for all time. God loves you so much that he moved this convict to reach out just to let you know, You Are Not Alone!!

I will be getting back at you, just look for "Hey now youngster".

Stay strong.

[signed]
Russ