Transcription
blogs/908
7-30-12
Ambiguous Loss
I have found another message in the loss of all the good of my old life. It's one to send to any person such as my ex who has told my children that I hate them, that I'm dead, that I am ignoring them—when the exact opposite is true. In doing what she does—lie, steal the letters I send or steal the ones they send—it creates a psychological trauma. I found it described best not in the DSMIV but in a book by John Vaillant.
I am quoting verbatim author John Vaillant from his ecological-biographical story of Grant Hadwin and the clear cutting of the Pacific northwest. The book, called The Golden Spruce, is a worthy read.
From pg. 212:
They are victims of what psychologists call "ambiguous loss"; it is devastating to lose a parent under any circumstances, but not to know with any certainty if he is truly gone, or if he might one day come is PARTICULARY CRUEL AND PAINFUL (emphasis is mine).
This is what has been done with my sons, and the perpetrators ought to be ashamed of themselves. It really shows how terrible all this has been. It shows how criminal that they can also be.
Beware the ghosts you leave in your past! Mine got me. What happens to yours?
Andy
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