8-21-12 -21-

Leave Yesterday where It Belongs!

It seems that all around me all I here is talk of what was, how it is remembered, how it felt, what exactly went wrong. Just last week I was reminded of the ancient wisdom of "forgetting what lies behind and striving towards what lies ahead". All to often in life I am confronted with questions about yesterday. I have often struggled to answer about issues that they may have about things of yesterday. And there is an absolute need to revisit the past sometimes in order to seek healing, forgiveness and freedom from harmful memories. Such work has it's place to be sure. But there is also a time to leave the past in the past. forget tomorrow and move forward. That is what I do. That is what i have been doing for the last few years without really realizing it.

You know I have caused a lot more harm than has ever been inflected on me, this I know to be true. A lot of the men in here like to think they are tough guys. It is almost cute sometimes. :) Back in the army I heard a man say "I will fear no evil, because I am the meanest son of a ... in the land." I lived with my uncle Terrible Terry Dalton on more than one occassion. Now Terri was a Hell's Angel from way back, got his 25 years ring, the whole bit. It got to the point where his brothers told him he needed to check me, I was over the top. THAT is a tough guy! ;) My original point was that most people just naturaly begin to gather what I call "points of Pain". Then again, we get "points of Pride". Both of which rob a person of the here and now, not to mention any hope for the future.

As always, I tend to share and teach from my own lessons learned. I have fallen into the yesterday trap most of my life, but no more. Now the reason I have been lead to seeing the harm living in the past can bring is because of a issue that I have been dealing with: Anger.

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Now what has been happening, without me really being aware of it is, I would relive a memory and that memory of yesterday took hold of my today and dictated my mood and sense of well being in the here and now. I began to see what was what a few weeks back. I lived out what for me was the greatest love story ever. Her name was Lil Rea and I loved her so much it hurt. I was deep in shame over my lack of material goods, she was dealing with brokeness and deep wounds from abuse she had suffered. Look at it now, I see there was NO CHANCE of us making a go of it, but that is another story. But having thought about that time in the past, that night I had a dream about dear Lil Rea, my great Love. Within a very short time of waking up I was MEAN! Anger flared in such a way I forced to see that I was out of control. It was like I was outside myself and seeing clearly that my issue was not about that day, but rather the past.

It seems that every conversation I have heard since that morning I have listened to what was, not what is or what could be. I saw that it was time to leave yesterday where it belongs, in the past! It has been absolutely amazing how simple yet profound a decision that has been. The past is gone. I forgive those who need it, even if they would not want it. I have worked a hard core 9th step "make amends to such people whenever.." Don't get me wrong. most of my activity has been focused on the "now or later" part of life, but still I held on to the past, and for me that meant holding on to a lot of highly toxic crude that did not belong anymore. I let it go!

I have done quite a bit of prison time, to say the least. But I have also done a lot of livin. Mini lifetimes I call em. I could spend the rest of my life reliving the glorious past (what a joke!) or re-experiencing the pain from the same. When a dream has the power to ruin my day as well as the day of all who come into contact with me, it is time to leave it behind me and live what I teach.

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Life is often complicated and not as simple or straight forward as I have made it out to be, if that is what I have done.

I speak with men daily, or very near so, that are so stuck in the past there is no room for today, let alone tomorrow. I pray that God will help me to shine His light in such a way to usher in freedom from the tyranny of a unchangeable past.

As for myself, WOW! Just putting the past to rest, and yes, it has been almost just that easy, has been so awesome. Today is all we have, so lets live it in such a way that in ten years our past will merely be place of refreshing memories and gentle lessons, not a place of sludge and torment.

Looking at today with eyes cleaned of the pollution of the past, it is just a fine thing indeed. I used to fear the future, or at least I thought that was my fear, what I feared most was the past repeating itself, which it was sure to do becuase I carried it with me wherever I went. The future is not to scary a place anymore.

Life was good today and tomorrow is looking even better!

PS: If you have a relationship with the good Lord (HE IS Good) I would ask that you remember Sharron in your prayers, she is my Mother and my friend and she just really needs our prayers right now. God bless you all, may He cause His face to shine upon you and flood your life with the awesome awareness of His love.

Smile, tomorrow is gonna be a good good day!