4-3-11
Shattered Soul

Not too long ago, I came to realize how broken I was. For years, I have tried to explain the depths of my brokenness only to come up short. I came to realize I was not on a broken vessel, I possessed a shattered soul.

How does one get to a place where they recognize this about themselves? I don't know. After one prison term, a state jail sentence, and numerous stints in county jails, God heard my cry and rescued me. He sent me here to Hobby. Here at Hobby, He began to show me this about myself. Then He began to heal me.

My shattered soul was pieces of myself. Me at different ages, my different qualities, my different characteristics, different versions of me running from each other. They were facets of who I am and who I can be. I looked on some of my darkest days in the gates and knew I wanted to be whole. I am aware I didn't get that way overnight, so I knew it would take time. One just doesn't shatter. It took years of life chipping away at me, cracks coming up here and there for me to finally shatter. Now, every day, I work at being whole again.

My pivotal point was recognizing the wreckage within. I've always known there would come a time I'd have to deal with my past. I was also aware that I wouldn't have to pick up the pieces by myself because God would be right there with me.

Today, I recognize my qualities that define me as a person of worth. I got a lot of things about me that I'm proud of. Each time I discover something "new" about me, I feel a piece of me finally click in place. The more I find out about who I am, the more I become.

I used to long for and desire peace, as well as love. I've got that today. I had to become aware that they don't necessarily involve people, but they are centered in God. The person I was with or people I was around used to define me. That got me into a while lot of wrecks. Yet no one can ever define me as Christ has defined me.

I am at a place where I look at my failures and see stepping stones that will ultimately lead me to success. More of my shattered pieces snapped into place when I rediscovered my dreams and goals. Though I'll admit some of my dreams and goals have changed while others remain, I realized I don't have to prove myself to anyone but me.

Each of us has been broken. Each of us are in a state of repair. If you are a shattered soul, I encourage you to do two things: seek God and look within. Believe me, all you have to be is willing. God'll do the rest.

God Bless,
Frances Whitlock
#1508324