12-11-12

To my readers,

Another day of disappointment, frustration, anger, loneliness and despair has come to an end, but if the past six years is any indicator of how my prison time will go, then tomorrow will be the same, I know that you're reading this thinking - well, maybe it's you, your attitude, your outlook, and your actions; to be honest for a while I thought the same thing, so I began doing some self-reflecting, and I found a lot of things that I need to work on. These things are the most important things a person can work on: My mind state, outlook on life, and how I occupied my time, over the last two and a half years I've matured and changed a lot, but while going through the process of self reflection I began to notice one thing and this discovery truly shocked me... This discovery led me to realize that prison time brings one thing along with it, lack of feeling.

Don't get me wrong, I am very in tune with my emotions, and how they affect and effect others, and more importantly how they affect and effect me. Prison is a lonely place if you don't have a strong family bond or a strong woman/man to stand by you. At the point of arrest, I noticed a type of separation, I like to call it "sightless forgetfulness", the reason I gave it that name is 99% of the people that I felt close to, would die for, lie, steal, and even come to prison for, forgot about me as soon as the squad car pulled off. Those friendly smiles, turned into venom, all of the things they truly felt came out. What I'm saying is, prison can & will be a make or break deal for any relationship.

I wish that the people who abandoned those of us going through this (prison time) could truly understand how it feels to be doing time alone; no phone calls, no visits, letters, etc, all of the things that make the time easier. I do understand that some people "burn bridges", but what about those who were good fathers, mothers, spouses, etc? I guess I could just break this whole situation down like this... I know that there are a lot of good men/women looking for a connection with someone; yes, we've made poor choices, but does that mean that we're unworthy of love? Personally, I'm hoping that one day I'll find that special someone who'll stand with me through the good & bad.

I've had conversations with my mother about this, she always says, "Baby, wait until you get out to find a good woman", my response is always the same, "If I find her now, then I know that we have a better chance of making it, because any woman who can/will stand by an incarcerated man can deal with any trials and tribulations that may occur". Well, my dear readers, what do you think? (1) What is the deterrent of building a relationship with a man or woman, who is incarcerated? (2) What would you think or do if you received a letter from someone you didn't know, and it was from a prison? (3) What are the pros & cons of being with someone in prison? And last but not least (3) what are the stereotypes that you have heard, picked up on, or believe about inmates, prisons, and the "prison lifestyle"?

Share your thoughts! I am reaching out for the thoughts of those who have something to say or something they want to know.

For those who browse the pages, but do not leave messages, I am asking you to be mindful that these pages were created for communication, so don't ever think that you're not welcome to share your thoughts or that your time will be discounted. Even if you just say hello, or give an opinion on what you've read, it is greatly appreciated, and you never know, you may communicate with someone who holds your attention, or you may make a special connection with someone.